Happy Day!

Of course I've got to celebrate getting accepted into BYU -

and what better way than through music and dancing!

So, check this! 

MY SONG FOR TODAY!!! :D

"This Is The Time"

By, Superchick

This is the story of your life

A movie starring you

What's the next scene have for you to do?

Leave the dishes in the sink

Leave your fear there too

Live the story you would write for you

Say hey hey wake your heart

And break break break apart

The walls that keep you from being you

And walk walk towards the light 

And don't stop till you live your life

Like someone died for you

This is the time to try

Step out your life is waiting

And as you fall you'll find

That you can fly

This is the time to try

Step out your life is waiting

And as you fall you'll find

That you can fly

You can find a million words

To build a wall of fear

Safe behind that wall imprisoned here

Take that someday step today

To who you're meant to be

And turn your dreams to plans

So you can breathe

Say hey hey wake your heart

And break break break apart

The walls that keep you from being you

And walk walk towards the light 

And don't stop till you live your life

Like someone died for you

This is the time to try

Step out your life is waiting

And as you fall you'll find

That you can fly

Ask anyone whose time is up

What they'd give for what you've got

And how they'd live your life

Live like your life's worth dying for

You've just walked out that prison door

And you'll know how to live your life

This is the time to try

Step out your life is waiting

And as you fall you'll find

That you can fly

This is the time to try

Step out your life is waiting

And as you fall you'll find

That you can fly

A Mountain Under My Feet

June 8th, 1996 - 

We hiked the summit of Timp to celebrate my high school graduation that took place a couple of days earlier.

As I stood on that summit and looked across the valley, I was absolutely breath-taken with the view and the incredible feeling of accomplishment of having an entire mountain under my feet!  I'd like to say that at that moment in my life,  I had confidence in my abilities to achieve other great things too. But the truth is, I didn't.  I never even bothered trying to get into BYU because I was certain that I wouldn't make it.  I ended up settling for the Community College and admittedly I enjoyed my schooling there.  I was heavily involved on the Institute Council and really liked my classes.  

After about a year, I discovered some good friends of mine were applying to be EFY counselors.  They encouraged me to do the same.  I loved the idea of having some sort of "BYU experience" in my life and thought, "If I can't get in as a student, maybe I could at least teach the youth and live on campus for a summer." I applied, but didn't make it in.  It was an un-achievable dream in my heart, "Who was I kidding anyway?"  My flame of hope had gone out...   But I believe somewhere deep within me, there must have still been an ember.  

Years later, when my husband Joseph got accepted to BYU's Science program in the spring of 2008, I think I was more excited than he was.  In fact, he was debating whether or not to accept a separate offer at the University of Utah.  I remember eagerly encouraging him, "Honey, you have to take this!!  It's BYU, how can there be any debate in your mind?!"

That June, we packed up our little family and moved to Provo for him to go to school. (I was a couple of weeks away from the due date of my forth child.)  Joseph spent many hours up on campus so I would often take the children with me to visit him in his research office.  So many times, as I walked up those stairs in the Science building, I would look out the large window across campus and think to myself, "some day, I want it to be my turn here."  He graduated in August of 2012 and I was happy to have had some sort of "BYU experience", even if it was vicariously through him.

 After his Bachelor of Science, I anticipated that we would move on somewhere for my husband to get his Masters or that he would find a job in Texas or Florida working with their space programs or something like that.  When nothing progressed in that direction and he showed no interest to go any further in school, I thought, "Well then, I'll go!" 

A series of events unfolded and in the spring of 2013 I knew that I needed to make the attempt for BYU.  It would be another year though until I finally applied.  I was denied and was completely heartbroken.   The next few days I gathered myself together and immediately applied again.  

This time... I GOT IN!!! 

I cannot even begin to express the excitement I feel.  I reflect back on the day I celebrated my high school graduation on the summit of that mountain. Last fall, I was thrilled to hike Timp again.  I felt as if it was a symbol of the beginning of my new journey. Only this time, I had confidence.

Now with BYU finally a reality in my own life, the feelings I have in my heart today are much the same as I've had atop that summit:

Here I am, standing on the edge of my dreams looking out and realizing they are coming true.  Twelve-thousand feet high, the view from up here is exhilarating!!!  I breathe in deep, close my eyes, and savor the rays of sun on my face. My arms stretch open as wide as the blue sky before me.  I feel like I could embrace the whole world. My heart beats wildly with elated anticipation. I smile. God is good, so very, very good!  I breathe in deep again.  The fresh mountain air seems to electrify every part of my body. I'm full of hope, full of faith, ... 

I know God is guiding me...  

And now....  

I'm stepping off this ledge with both feet....  

Watch... 

me... 

2014

2015 Timp

My "Super-star" signature once again on this summit.

FLY!!!  

I found my star from last year!  It wasn't painted over, yay!
"2014 The year my dreams came true!"

-Alicia  :)

Must Be Opposition In All Things

I gave a lesson for the young women of my Church last Sunday.  We also used it as a family lesson the following night.  This whole month I have been thinking of the talks that were suggested in the lesson plan and the quotes that were referenced therein.

The first quote is by President Spencer W. Kimball
"There are great challenges ahead of us, giant opportunities to be met. I welcome that exciting prospect and feel to say to the Lord, humbly, 'Give me this mountain,' give me these challenges."

I asked the young women and my children the same question:
"Why do you think President Kimball wants 'these challenges'?  Notice, not only does he want them but he says he 'welcome[s] that exciting prospect'.  What is he, nuts? Why would someone call challenges exciting?"

Our current Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson shared the other thing I've been thinking of all month.  He read a portion of this poem I've heard many times before.

Good Timber

The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease:
The stronger wind, the stronger trees;
The further sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth,
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.

-Douglas Malloch

An ancient prophet in the New Testament also shared his testimony of joy and beauty through adversity, "No chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grevious: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." - Hebrews 12:11

All three of these righteous men are testifying that beautiful, "joyous", "peaceable", wonderful things come out of pressing through our opposition, through our adversity.

Joseph Smith was another who had trials I cannot even begin to fathom.
He received this promise in Liberty Jail, "if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." - D&C 122:7

It's that word, "EXPERINCE" that strikes me, what we learn, what we gain, what we come to know as we go through and faithfully endure these challenges.  These prophets who have shared the beauty that can come of opposition are speaking from their own experiences.  I believe they know what it is first hand to cry out with the most soulful tears, with heart-wrenching agony over the sorrows that dig trenches in their hearts. They know what it means to pray and to "pray more earnestly".  They have anxiously sought for answers through the scriptures and turned to the word of the Lord for guidance.  And I am certain that every one of them have in their searching for answers, hope, and healing came to appreciate more fully the One Who carried all our suffering and descended below all things.

All of these ingredients: "soulful prayer", "serious study of the scriptures," and "seeking the Savior" work in us something amazing and beautiful.  It opens up our hearts to receive His Spirit and as we receive this Spirit within us we are changed into "new creatures".  Through this process, we witness over and over again the reality of God because we see undeniable, direct answers to our prayers.  We feel and experience for ourselves the reality of heaven.  This mountain we have climbed, however painful, has opened our "vision".  We see the bigger picture now, not just for our own lives but for others as well.  We WANT to "lift up the hands that hang down and strengthen the feebled knees." We have become converted, transformed, with new eyes, a new heart, and a new Spirit within us!  Like Jacob, our faith becomes "unshakeable".

I can see clearly from my own experiences why President Kimball said, "'Give me this mountain,' give me these challenges."  Through my adversities I have come to know my Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ.  Through these trials I have gained an appreciation for the strong shoulders of my Savior.  He is able!!!  I have found that this is the way to eternal life.  This is the fruit of the tree.  And a testimony like this worth every effort for it is "sweet above all that is sweet."

I humbly thank my Father for His infinite wisdom. And I am deeply thankful that He loves me enough to provide for me opposition and challenges. I too, welcome them.

-Alicia

Song of the Day - "I'm Letting Go!"

Because I've always got to have a song of the day...

This one is perfect-o!

"I'm Letting Go"

My heart beats, standing on the edge

But my feet have finally left the ledge

Like an acrobat

There's no turning back

I'm letting go

Of the life I planned for me

And my dreams

Losing control

Of my destiny

Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe

So I'm letting go

This is a giant leap of faith

Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown

Beyond my comfort zone

I'm letting go

Of the life I planned for me

And my dreams

Losing control

Of my destiny

Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe

So I'm letting go

Giving in to your gravity

Knowing You are holding me

I'm not afraid

Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe

Feels like I'm falling and this is the life for me

Write Your Story

When I think of sacrifice and "laying down my will" - I think the Lord really wants me to give up "my story" how I want to "write my life," how I want things to turn out.  That is what I need to let go.

I'm still waiting to hear back from BYU.  It's funny because I've been waiting for 19 years for this.  I feel that I will get in, I just don't know when.  I don't know where it will lead or see the full picture of what the Lord has planned with me there. But I know this is where I'm supposed to be. Either way...  It doesn't really matter if I make it in this time or not because I've done what I could and I trust God.  I trust His timing too.

After all, He is the AUTHOR and finisher of my faith.  This is His story to write and not mine.

......

"I'm an empty page
I'm an open book
Write Your story on my heart
Come on and make Your mark

Author of my hope
Maker of the stars
Let me be Your work of art
Won't You write Your story on my heart

My life

I know it's never really been mine

So do with it whatever You like

I don't know what Your plan is

But I know it's good

I want my history

To be Your legacy

Go ahead and show this world

What You've done in me

And when the music fades

I want my life to say

I let You write Your story on my heart."

-Francesca Batistelli

Faith of My Mothers

In the fall of 1962 in Madison, Wisconsin, my mom was introduced to the Church by a friend of hers.  My mother immediately informed her mom about this new religion she had found and my grandma instantly wanted to know more.  My mom was baptized a couple of months later along with my grandma and grandpa.

My grandma was born in 1908 and passed away in 1996.

The memories I have of my grandma are not the most favorable.  Her house smelled like moth balls and onions.  All of her furniture was covered in cat hair because of the numerous strays she'd let in.  She was very short and wore floral patterned silk dresses that emphasized all the wrong curves on her body. She had thin pursed lips and always tied her hair up tight into a bun that perfectly matched her rigid disposition.  She was staunch and stubborn, an orthodoxed bible-thumper, and a blunt little nitpicker (which would explain why my grandpa absolutely refused to wear his hearing aids.)

My cousin, Julia, and I used to entertain each other with our impersonations of the crazy things grandma would say or do, acting out her quirky gestures and facial expressions, pretending to talk without teeth and toot every time we sat down.  We would roll on the floor laughing until we cried .  It was probably not very considerate to humor ourselves at her expense, but such was the "innocence" of our adolescence.

I regret that these were really the only memories I had to hold on to when she passed away.  I remember the closing hymn at her funeral was "Nearer My God to Thee."  As an 18 yr. old, and a little more contemplative about spiritual things, during that hymn  I felt a deep sense of gratitude that she always sought to draw nearer to God, She spent a great deal of her life searching for truth, had attended many different religions, and finally found the fullness of the Gospel that fall in '62.  I felt sorry that she was gone before I had taken the time to get to know my grandma more. 

It's funny because I felt like I knew my dad's mother much better than my mom's.  My dad's mom passed away from breast cancer long before I was born so I had no personal stories of my own interactions with her, no memories of her voice or her face, her gestures or her demeanor.  I guess the only way I became acquainted with her was listening to my dad always speak of his mom.  And yet here, my other grandmother who had been part of 18 yrs. of my life, was the one I didn't really know much about.  Perhaps if I had not let her prickly nature intimidate me, I could have peeled past her spiny shell and discovered something beautiful.

I'm not sure what compelled me to yesterday but in my family history class I felt impressed to see what memories and stories I could find about her.  I found 51 memories posted on Family Search.  I knew my aunt, Naomi, was into ancestry but didn't realize she had made so much available about my grandma. I decided that this would be how I'd spent my Sunday afternoon, reading and searching as much about grandma as I could.

I find it no coincidence that today is her birthday! (something I never knew until yesterday.) Perhaps she is the one who was compelling me to turn my heart to hers.

I discovered my grandma lived in Iowa, Minnesota, New York, Georgia, South Dakota, and Wisconsin.  When she was in her late teens, she served a Baptist mission with her parents in Barbados, West Indies.  She moved to Utah sometime in the 1970's I believe.

I found out that from the day of her wedding and every day thereafter, my grandpa never made an effort to kiss her. (It's a wonder they ever had children.)  I'm sure that grandpa's complete lack of affection was something that caused her an immense amount of pain.  Perhaps this accounts for some of her bitterness.

Living through The Great Depression, she was extremely poor and only had an 8th grade education.  Despite her lack of schooling, she loved writing stories of faith in God and especially loved poetry, so did her mother (both women after my own heart).  She was bold in her witness of The Book of Mormon, something that the rest of her family grew quite irritated with and partially distanced themselves from her because of it.  But to her dying breath, she would remain firm in her testimony of the truthfulness of that book.

On Family Search I found one of the poems she used to recite.  It's beautiful and I love how it applies to my life right now! This was an exciting discovery for me.

THE WINDS OF FATE

by Ella Wheeler Wilcox 

One ship drives east and another drives west

With the self-same winds that blow;

   'Tis the set of the sails

   And not the gales

That tells them the way to go.

Like the winds of the sea are the winds of fate

As we voyage along through life;

   'Tis the set of the soul

   That decides its goal

And not the calm or the strife.

Last night, I called my mom to ask her some questions about grandma.  I asked her about this poem and she confirmed that grandma was always saying, "it's the set of the soul that decides the goal".

I was surprised to learn that out of all the grandchildren, grandma really liked visiting with me because I listened to her.  I honestly don't remember that.  Even still, I like to believe that somehow she spoke to me yesterday and I listened.  I like to believe that it was her who gave me the impression to learn more about her.  It just makes today so much more special.  Happy Birthday, Grandma!

I found this picture of grandma on familysearch.org
Helen Naomi (Cushing) Thayer age: 7

-Alicia

The Tree of Life / The Love of God

I've been thinking a lot about this part of The Living Christ.
"Each of us will stand to be judged of Him according to our works and the desires of our hearts."

What are the "desires of our hearts"?

In the Thesaurus, I find it interesting that "desires" is also tied with "appetites and passions".  So the phrase from The Living Christ to be expounded a little bit more could say, "each of us will stand to be judged of Him according to our works and the desires [appetites and passions] of our hearts."

What is it that we are passionate about?
What is it that we are hungry for?
What is our motivation?
The Savior was passionate about building the Kingdom of God, He was hungry for instruction from His Father, He was motivated by the purest love. And because His motives were of the purest kind, it naturally followed that He willingly stayed within the bounds His Father had set, it naturally followed that He was obedient to whatever the will of the Father was for Him.

All of these thoughts go right along with a talk I gave a while ago.  I found that I had a copy of it, so I've pasted it here.

.....................

(Copy of a talk I originally gave in church on Dec. 22nd, 2013)

The Tree of Life / The Love of God

Most of us are familiar with Lehi’s vision of the tree of life, you know the one… the iron rod, the midst of darkness, the field, and the great and spacious building:

I love 1Nephi 11 where Nephi desires to know the meaning of his father, Lehi’s dream.  As he was praying and pondering in his heart the Spirit of the Lord comes to him. And he asks Nephi “What desirest thou?”  Nephi says, “to know the meaning of the dream my father had.”
(Notice right after he says this, the spirit immediately turns Nephi’s focus to the tree of life by asking him, “do you believe  that your father saw  the  tree?” Nephi says yes, that he believes.)

Then, Nephi sees in vision this glorious, most beautiful tree with the fruit thereof most desirable. And the Spirit of the Lord asks him again, “What desirest thou?”  He says, “To know the interpretation thereof.”
He is then  shown a vision of Mary, the mother of Christ, holding in her arms the infant Son of God, the Savior of the world.   The Spirit of the Lord asks him a vital question, “Knowest thou the condescension of God ?”

Do we know the condescension of God? Do we know Who He is and realize the magnitude of His choice to “descend below all things”?

Listen to these two descriptions of the Savior:

 Under the direction of the Father, He is the very Creator of the Heavens and the earth!!!  “All things were made by Him and without Him was not anything made.” (John 1:3) The tree in Lehi’s dream is described as "exceeding all beauty, most precious above all, most desirable!” He is all-powerful, all-knowing, "the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace," The Savior or the world. -Isaiah 9:6

Now listen to the first couple of verses in Isaiah 53- and this description of how many of the people would view Him. (I’m paraphrasing)

 “a scrawny seedling, a scrubby plant in a parched field. nothing attractive about him, nothing to cause us to take a second look. looked down on and passed over, not worth our time or attention”. He was viewed as inferior, lower, less than, spit upon, despised, rejected and hated. - Isaiah 53:2-3

Wait a minute?
We’re talking about the same person here?
What happened?  How could one so perfect, so amazing, so Mighty be viewed as one so inferior, hated and rejected?

The answer is "The people were blinded."
 By what? What was it that was blinding them?

1 Nephi 13:8 & 9,  Mormon 8:38, 39 – tell us the cause of their visual impairment….both of these references say, ”for the praise of the world.”  Their desires all stemmed from selfishness.  All they cared about was "getting glory for themselves".

Yes, sometimes the limelight isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be… sometimes the limelight can be blinding.

Twice, this past Sunday, I heard reference to a story called “The Mansion”, a story about a man and his downfall because he sought all his life for the honor and praise of the world.  Whether we are rich or poor, we must beware of valuing and centering our lives around the honors, the praise and approval of mankind …. For in doing so, we may be blinded and overlook the Divine, even the very
Savior of the world.

Now I go back to the question, “knowest thou the condescension of God?”

Condescension means = Voluntary descent from rank, voluntary descent from dignity. Letting go of deserved honors; submission to inferiors in granting requests, or performing acts which strict justice does not require.

So often all that is hailed, applauded, awarded or paraded in accolades or accomplishments is NOT where we will find true greatness.  It is found in the depths of the heart. Remember: "he that is greatest among you shall be your servant." (Matt 23:11)

I ask the question then “why?”  Why would one so glorious and noble, worthy of all praise,  willingly,  voluntarily relinquish His throne and descend to the sphere of man? He’s the creator of the earth, the Lord and Savior of us all, the King of Kings… shouldn't He have been the most loved, the most recognized, appreciated, praised, revered and admired? YES, but He wasn’t and, sadly, He isn’t… and knew He wouldn’t be… because that wasn’t His motive.  His motive never has been about “what He deserves or recognition.”  His motive was LOVE, sincere pure love for God our Father, and love for us!

Brothers and sisters, behold the condescension of God:

"Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was  bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace  was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all." (Isaiah 53:4-6)

 "And he [went] forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 And he [took] upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he [took] him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." (Alma 7:11-12) 

And He did  all this without any thought for Himself!…. Why?  Because , “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,” 1 Corinthians 13:4

Brothers and Sisters, there really is no need to draw attention to ourselves. We are God’s children! We have His full attention!  We are already loved and already noticed..   I testify that the Lord of Heaven and Earth, knows all, is above all, and sees all! And Who is greater than the Lord? I witness to you that there is none that is greater!

I testify that as we “lose ourselves”, as we take our focus off of ourselves and instead focus on Christ, focus on His words in the scriptures and through living Prophets, focus on our Savior’s example of love, our eyes will be opened!  We will be free from the anxiety that accompanies pride, the concern of what others think of us, the pride that blinds us.  When we put the Lord first, where He deserves to be, and sincerely reach out to all others as the Savior did, without "rustling for recognition"* or praise, but because of the pure love of Christ flowing through us, then we will have eyes to see… it is here we will find true satisfaction, fulfillment, and lasting joy.

 This is the Spirit of Christmas…. The Spirit of Christ!  Of this I testify, in the name of Jesus Christ,

Amen.

……

*From a talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell entitled, “The Pathway of Dicipleship” 1998 BYU Education Week – “Be grateful, therefore, for the gospel’s emphasis on meekness. Be careful of the natural man’s milder expressions—craving for credit and rustling for recognition. Alas, so often the hearts and even the moral agency of others can be crushed in the search for self-glorification.”

The Way to Judge

When we hear the word "judge" we may initially think of the counsel Jesus gave in Matthew 7:1, "Judge not, that ye be not judged."
Or...
A different scripture may come to mind and we may think of Mormon's words, "I show unto you the way to judge."

So which is it?  Are we to judge, or not to judge... "that is the question."
I think the answer is: both.

One day at the laundromat, I was mastering my "one-arm skills" as I carried my newborn baby girl while simultaneously sorting dirty clothes into the washing machines .  My other three children were playing across the room together  when suddenly they erupted into a panic.  They were screaming as they ran to me,  I thought something terrible must have happened.  In unison, they shouted and pointed to a man who had just walked through the door carrying his own basket of laundry, "Mommy, it's a kidnapper, a kidnapper!"
My face went red as I tried to quiet them.  I looked at the man they were pointing at.  He was dressed a little grubby and had tattoos up and down his arm, but there was nothing alarming about him to me.
I bent down and tried to hush my anxious children from talking so loud.  I was certain he had already heard their first outburst and was slightly embarrassed.
"Why do you think he is a kidnapper?" I asked quietly.
"Because he has tattoos on his arm, look mommy!"
"Oh no," I said, trying to keep them at a whisper, "No... just because someone has tattoos that does not make them a kidnapper at all." I reminded them that both of my brothers have tattoos, that they were very nice guys and reminded them of all the other nice people they knew who had tattoos.  I wasn't quite sure why they had chosen to react in such a way about this guy but after talking with them they felt better and resumed playing as before.

I thought to myself, "Man, I really need to work on helping them judge a dangerous situation and at the same time avoid judging because someone looks or dresses differently."  If it had been a real kidnapper, I would have wanted them to know.  I would have wanted them to scream and run. But that afternoon in our little situation, there was no threat and I wanted them to be able to recognize that.  There is wrongful judgment and righteous judgment.

One of my favorite stories about righteous judgement is in Moses chapter 1, where Moses had just seen God face to face and after that glorious and wondrous experience, he then had this experience with Satan:

"And it came to pass that Moses looked upon Satan and said: Who art thou? For behold, I am a son of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; and where is thy glory, that I should worship thee?

 For behold, I could not look upon God, except his glory should come upon me, and I were transfigured before him. But I can look upon thee in the natural man. Is it not so, surely?

 Blessed be the name of my God, for his Spirit hath not altogether withdrawn from me, or else where is thy glory, for it is darkness unto me? And I can judge between thee and God"  - Moses 1:12-14

As a mother, there is nothing I desire more than to teach my children to learn to judge righteously, to recognize the Spirit because, "the Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not. Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really care, and of things as they really will be." - Jacob 4:13

I want them to be able to discern between right and wrong, between truth and error.  I want them to actively seek and choose those people and those things that will edify and inspire them to be better.  I also want them to recognize when they are in danger and know when to run, when to leave a party, shut a movie off, or get out of a certain situation.

Basically, I want them to constantly seek, recognize, and pursue after those things we believe in the 13th Article of Faith, for "anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy." 

Moses  recognized Satan for who he really was because it was "darkness unto [him]."  There is truly something to be said about the relationship between "discernment" and "light."

Jesus taught, 
"Walk while ye have the light, lest darkness come upon you: for he that walketh in darkness knoweth not whither he goeth. While ye have light, believe in the light, that ye may be the children of light." - John 12:35-36

Mormon taught his son Moroni,
"For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night."

"For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God..." 

"...Ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged.  Wherefore, I beseech of you, brethren, that ye should search diligently in the light of Christ that ye may know good from evil; and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ." - Moroni 7:15-16, 18-19

Our Spirits are "children of light." It is hardwired within us to know the difference.  "The glory of God is intelligence or in other words light and truth." - D&C 93:36  We are to "search diligently in the light." We are commanded to "bring up [our] children in light and truth."  

My prayer for my children is that as they learn to discern between good and evil, darkness and light, that they will seek out and discover the incredible magnificence and wonder of these eternal truths:

"intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light; mercy hath compassion on mercy and claimeth her own; justice continueth its course and claimeth its own; judgment goeth before the face of him who sitteth upon the throne and governeth and executeth all things."- D&C 88:40

"That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day." - D&C 50:24

"Since we are what we are by the impacts of those who surround us, those who surround themselves with the highest will be those who change into the highest.  There are some men and some women in whose company we are always at our best.  While with them we cannot think mean thoughts or speak ungenerous words.  Their mere presence is elevation, purification, sanctity." - Henry Drummond 

It is an eternal and fixed principle that when we receive light, everything about us and in our lives will grow brighter and brighter!  It is imperative we understand that in the light we will see so much more clearly, we will be able to have the gift of discernment that we so desire and as we shine this Light we will help others see clearly too.

This is the way to judge!

-Alicia

Just another ordinary miracle...

My niece called me last night and we talked for quite some time.  Her parents are divorced and she spends the weekdays with her dad and the weekends with my sister.  She's been taught by both of them that God is man-made, that people who believe in Him are delusional and hang on to false hope.  She's been weighed down with many questions and she feels as if she's in a whirlwind of opinions.  Her mind has been spinning and she's not sure what to believe.  I encouraged her to read Joseph Smith's History, and to read it several times.  I shared with her my deep love and appreciation for Joseph Smith, that he had questions like her, and that I have no doubt He was a true prophet.

We talked at length about God and His reality.  I explained to her that we don't have to understand or have all of the answers to every single detail to know very clearly that something is real.  I asked her if she could tell me about the processes each cell, synapse, blood vessel, nerve ending, and micro-organism in her body and what they were undergoing in order for her to have the ability to be talking to me at that moment.  She admitted that she couldn't and noted that even the most knowledgeable scientists couldn't with perfect understanding... yet our communication with each other was undeniable and very real.

My conversation with my niece was wonderful.  The Spirit was felt and we wept as testimonies were born.  She breathed a sigh of relief.  I was glad that she felt better and her faith had been renewed.

Just about two weeks ago I had a similar conversation with another young women as I sat at her bedside. She too has had a lot of questions about God and life in general. I suppose there are times in all of our lives where we may wonder about the reality of heaven or if God hears our prayers.  It can be especially draining to someone's faith when they have prayed for certain miracles to happen and those specific miracles never do end up happening.  They may begin to feel that God has abandoned them all together or that He doesn't really care.

I bore testimony to her too about the reality of God and how we don't have to have all the answers to know without a doubt that something is real.  I testified too that some miracles come in different ways than what we want but they are happening around us all the time.  I explained that too often we think of miracles as a "healing of something" that we lose sight of the ordinary everyday miracles taking place inside and outside of us all the time, how our heart beats, eyes see, lungs breathe and nerves feel without us even thinking about it.  We discussed a little about the scripture in Alma 30:44

This past Sunday, a gentleman spoke about the very same thing and said, "Often, when we think of miracles, we immediately picture the blind being healed so they can see or the deaf being healed so they can hear....but we don't think about all of the millions of people that could already see and hear in the first place.  Isn't that a miracle?!"  As he said that, I thought of my conversation at the bedside of this young woman a week before and I smiled.  I love it when thoughts, testimonies, and witnesses coincide like that!

A couple of days ago, I found this video and shared it with my friend.  She hasn't responded to it but I hope it serves as another witness of what I was trying to convey to her that afternoon.

God is real, I know it!  He is our loving Father in Heaven who hears and answers every prayer.  All things testify of Him.  My heart is full of gratitude for the every-day ordinary miracles!  Life is truly amazing, what an unspeakable joy I feel for the creations and testimonies I see of Him everyday!

-Alicia

"Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see." - C. S. Lewis

I want patience, and I want it now!

I'm in Mosiah 23 in my personal studies.  I came across this verse yesterday,
"...the Lord seeth fit to chasten [you, Alicia]; yea, He trieth [your] patience and [your] faith."

Yep, that's exactly how I read it, with my own name in there and everything.  As I did so, another scripture came into my mind in a personal way,

"For [you, Alicia] have need of patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise."

I feel like saying, "I know, Lord, I know.  I am terribly impatient!  So how about imparting that gift of patience to me right now eh?!  ;) "

I came into this world seven weeks before I was due, so I guess you could say I was born impatient.
I was the little girl who on family vacations would need my parents to pull off to the side of the road every 20 minutes so I could pee.
 I'm the girl who took piano from age 6 to 12 and have nothing to show for it because I  didn't have the patience to keep practicing. (I remember spending more time hanging upside-down on the piano bench with my feet on the keys, staring out at the living room, imagining myself walking on the ceiling).
When I was seven, I couldn't contain emotions around my childhood crush any longer, I tackled him, pinned his arms to the ground and planted a ginormous kiss on his face (then I ran and hid).
When I was sixteen, I pulled into a Chevron with a car full of my drama friends, I was so excited to go to the cast party with everyone that I forgot to put the nozzle back on the pump, drove away, and ripped it clean off the hose. (My friends still haven't let me live that down.  You should have seen the clerks face when I handed him the nozzle. Priceless!!)
And I can't even begin to list all the books I've read only half-way through because I was too impatient to finish them.
The one that takes the cake though is that it took exactly 16 weeks for me to marry my husband.  Yep, exactly 16 weeks from the very first date (blind date) to the day of our wedding.  (And anyone who knows my husband will know that making fast decisions, especially in regards to really big decisions, are NOT in his nature.)

Yes, I'm in desperate need of patience.  *Sigh*

The words from my favorite talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland rings in my ears:

"It is simply a truism that nothing very valuable can come without significant sacrifice and effort and patience on our part....

Troilus, whose impatient love for Cressida makes him something of a basket case, teaches us a valuable lesson. 
“He that will have a cake out of the wheat must tarry the grinding,” Pandarus says to Troilus. 
“Have I not tarried?” Troilus pouts.

Pandarus: Ay, the grinding; but you must tarry the bolting.

Troilus: Have I not tarried?

Pandarus: Ay, the bolting; but you must tarry the leavening.

Troilus: Still have I tarried?

Pandarus: Ay, to the leavening; but here’s yet . . . the kneading, the making of the cake, the heating of the oven, and the baking; nay, you must stay the cooling too, or you may chance to burn your lips.

[Troilus and Cressida, act 1, scene 1, lines 14ff]

The baking of life’s best cakes takes time. Don’t despair of tarrying and trying. And don’t “burn your lips” with impatience."  - Jeffery R. Holland - (However Long and Hard the Road)

It is true, the best things take time.  I can pray for patience but the Lord cannot give it to me.  Patience is not something to be given but to be grown.  However, He can give me experiences that will help me cultivate this wonderful virtue.  I'll admit that some of the experiences He gives are extremely painful.  It makes sense though," no pain / no gain." A blessing I've discovered is that the Lord can enable me to feel grateful in the present moments, the waiting isn't so hard and time goes by so much faster when "I'm anxiously engaged in [the best] causes."

Elder Neal A. Maxwell explained in a powerful talk "Endure It Well",
"Paul observed, “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness.” (Heb. 12:11.) Such “peaceable fruit” comes only in the appointed season thereof, after the blossoms and the buds.

Otherwise, if certain mortal experiences were cut short, it would be like pulling up a flower to see how the roots are doing. Put another way, too many anxious openings of the oven door, and the cake falls instead of rising. Moreover, enforced change usually does not last, while productive enduring can ingrain permanent change. (See Alma 32:13–16.)

Patient endurance is to be distinguished from merely being “acted upon.” Endurance is more than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance; it is not only acceptance of the things allotted to us, it is to “act for ourselves” by magnifying what is allotted to us. (See Alma 29:3, 6.)"

We must always remember that we are in the process of becoming something so much more.  We must make a strong effort to "give thanks in all things" and avoid becoming bitter when the road is long. We press ahead, and we do so with songs of praise every step of the way.

"Therefore, true enduring represents not merely the passage of time, but the passage of the soul—and not merely from A to B, but sometimes all the way from A to Z. To endure in faith and doeth God’s will. (See D&C 63:20; D&C 101:35) therefore involves much more than putting up with a circumstance." - Neal A. Maxwell

I believe that circumstances don't determine our happiness rather the truly happy make a conscious decision to choose happiness regardless of their circumstances.  And I believe the key to this is enduring faith and gratitude.  I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.

I am truly thankful for all the Lord gives me so that I may grow patience.  I know the fruit born of it will be that of the sweetest kind and it will be well worth the wait. Isaiah 40:31

-Alicia

School: Past and Present

Sunday evening, my parents came over for dinner.  There is rarely a time when my mom visits that she doesn't bring some old item from home to unload on us...er.. I mean "gift us" with.  I usually take it graciously, force a smile, and wait until after she leaves before I throw it away.  Bless her dear innocent heart, porcelain cats and old knitted pot holders just don't fill me with interest.

This last visit, she gave me a pile of all my report cards from Kindergarten to 12th grade.  I wasn't feeling too inclined to keep any of it but decided to look through them before I made my decision.  I forgot how poorly I did in school, especially in Jr. High and High School.  My grades were terrible, (except for Theater, Art, and Peer Tutoring special ed. students... I always got A's in those classes.)  Everything else though, the teachers all said the same thing, "Alicia would do so much better if she just focused more."  "Alicia is very cheerful but she talks too much and doesn't stay on task very well."  I guess I really was a flibbertigibbet! (By the way, that word is totally legit, I looked it up.)

Things changed for me the very end of my Jr. year.  That's when I read The Book of Mormon for the first time on my own. It was a huge pivotal experience for me. It made my last year of high school completely different.  I absolutely loved Seminary every year but my Senior year was the best because of my new habit of studying The Book of Mormon.  I decorated my bedroom with reminders of eternal truths and my room became a sacred place for me, my little sanctuary, my refuge from the troubles in my family and pressures at school.  Overall my grades improved... I could focus more and I stayed on task better.  I attribute it all to having a greater measure of the Spirit in my life.  I look back at the experiences that unfolded as a direct result of daily scripture study.  It was miraculous!

When it came time to graduate, my cumulative scores never would have landed me in a fine university and  I had to settle with the community college. While there, I served on the Institute Council and applied to be an EFY Counselor at BYU.  I thought, "maybe if I can't go to BYU as a student, I could at least have an experience working there with youth."  I didn't make it in.  I'm pretty certain it was because I still had a lot of growing up to do.  I think I was too awkward and immature... probably still too much of a fliberty thingy. (and that's not a word.)

Now, here it is 2015, and I'm trying to get in as a student at BYU.  I'm a little late in trying but hopefully I'm a little more ready now. I'm so anxious to know if I'll get accepted into their Communications Program.  This "waiting on the Lord" is killing me!  If I get denied again, I'm going to be so terribly sad (I'm not going to lie.)  But I'll do some homework, make some adjustments, and I'll apply again.  Because, even though I'm still a little awkward and immature, there is one thing I have learned through the years and that is... I don't quit!!  I am focused this time, my eyes are fixed on exactly what I want and I'll do whatever it takes to get there.

 

1995-96 Getting ready for school in my room / sanctuary.

-Alicia

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

On February 12, 2007 my friend, lost his wife in a tragic and horrific way.  A gunman open-fired at a shopping mall in downtown Salt Lake City killing five and wounding four.

So many people knew about this tragedy because it was all over the news.  Family, friends, ward members, and neighbors reached out to my friend.  Even complete strangers offered to help him.  He was overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support he received at that time.  It truly sustained him.

In the summer of that same year, my husband and I had the privilege of going to the Holy Land with my friend.  He remarried not long after that trip and moved to Texas. He took on two step-children and had two more with his new wife. Through the next few years, we would get updates from him via the occasional Christmas card.  Everything looked picture-perfect and it seemed as if it all was going wonderful for him.

Last October, a couple of days before General Conference, my friend came into my mind.  I never thought about him and wondered why he just popped into my head like that.  Then Saturday afternoon, between Conference sessions, I got a message through Facebook from my friend asking if I would pray for him.  A second message came through immediately after the first asking if he could call me.  We never talk over the phone, so I was a little surprised by his request.  I messaged back my number and a few minutes later the phone rang.  I could hear the distress in his voice when I answered.  As he spoke, I remembered how I had thought about him just a few days before... this must have been why.

He proceeded to tell me how his wife that he had remarried had slowly stopped going to church, eventually started drinking wine, and now had rejected her Temple covenants.  He told me of all the efforts he had made to try and save their dying relationship.  I sat in stunned silence and just listened as he bawled over the phone, pouring out his soul to me.  Between deep sobs he said, "Alicia, this is far more difficult for me than I could ever have imagined, even harder than the tragedy that took my first wife."  I didn't know what to say.  I have never heard a man cry so hard as he was and it pulled on my heart.  As I continued to listen, I couldn't hold back the tears and I wept with him for nearly an hour.  I felt so helpless and it pained me that there was nothing more that I could do.  I know he didn't expect that there was anything I could say.  I think he just needed to talk to someone who knew his back-story and someone who would listen.

By the time our conversation had ended, the second session for Saturday's conference was starting.  I sat down on the couch, still stunned from everything my poor friend had told me.  Through the next few talks, I couldn't shake the feeling of wishing there was more I could have done, more I could have said... anything more than just crying with him, bearing my testimony, and promising my prayers.

.....

Then Elder Holland got up and spoke the words I truly needed to hear:

"Given the monumental challenge of addressing inequity in the world, what can one man or woman do? The Master Himself offered an answer. When, prior to His betrayal and Crucifixion, Mary anointed Jesus’s head with an expensive burial ointment, Judas Iscariot protested this extravagance and “murmured against her.”

Jesus said:

“Why trouble ye her? she hath wrought a good work. … “She hath done what she could.”

“She hath done what she could”! What a succinct formula! A journalist once questioned Mother Teresa of Calcutta about her hopeless task of rescuing the destitute in that city. He said that, statistically speaking, she was accomplishing absolutely nothing. This remarkable little woman shot back that her work was about love, not statistics."  - Jeffrey R. Holland 

.....

I felt as if the Lord, Himself, was telling me, "It's okay, Alicia, you have done what you could." I said a silent prayer of gratitude, that was just what I needed in the perfect moment.

Since that day, I have pondered much about that phone call with my friend and what he said about this other situation being harder to deal with than the shooting.  In the first situation, everything happened suddenly and without warning and the sorrow that accompanied it was a sadness that involved the temporary loss of physical life. There was also a large outpouring of community and family support, plenty of people who knew of his loss who reached out to him. Yet, in this other situation, it happened over a long period of time, very few people knew of his suffering and this involved a sorrow of watching someone he loved die a slow and spiritual death, one of their own choosing.

How many suffer like my friend? It's such a lonely road! How very few people realize the burdens that they carry and the losses of Life (with a capital "L") they are facing daily?  Trials like these aren't all over the news, in fact, when people experience the loss of a family member in this manner, very few if any even realize the heartaches and struggles deep beneath the surface.  Here my friend was telling me, "Alicia, this is far more difficult!"

What if we had eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts to understand?  Would the Lord show us where "in the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see," If we asked Him, would he show us who needs our love and support?  I believe He would and that He does.

I have another dear friend who not only carries the burdens of his own life (which are currently some of the most heavy burdens I have ever seen) he also carries the burdens of an entire congregation. I have yet to meet anyone with a heart as big as his.  His burden is so heavy because he loves so greatly! It is an immense and heavy load he bears, one that would crush most anyone else and yet I know that "the salvation of [this] righteous [man] is of the Lord: He is [his] strength in [this] time of trouble." Psalms 37:39

Joseph Smith taught a great truth when he said, “The nearer we get to our heavenly Father, the more we are disposed to look with compassion on [suffering] souls; we feel that we want to take them upon our shoulders, and cast their [burdens on] our backs”
I get that!  I totally get that!

I remember being a little girl and playing records on my mom's stereo. There is one particular song that I absolutely loved and still do!!  It makes me think of my dear brother and these scriptures, Psalms 55:22, Galatians 6:2, and Mosiah 18:8-9.  I think this will be my song for today. ;)

-Alicia :)

Heaven knows I needed her...

It's my best friend's 42nd birthday today.  She's the youngest of 9 children- mostly boys  (almost the exact reverse of my husband's family of 9 children- mostly girls).  She's from San Luis Obispo, came to Provo for BYU, and ended up staying here after marrying her husband.  I first met Suzanne around this time of year in 2010 when I was called to be Primary President.  She was my second counselor.  I had already been living in this apartment for 2 years but never knew her until the Lord placed her in my path with that calling.  Little did  I realize then the blessing the Lord was giving me in my life.

The first thing that impressed me about Suzanne was how genuinely she listened to people.  She was so good at remembering things from previous conversations and always asked about them.  It never ceased to amaze me how much she really cared about others.  I'm so air-headed and can't remember things for the life of me.  I'd come away from visits with her thinking, "Man, I want to be a better listener like that!"

These past five years, I've come to love her more and more.  She has proven to be one of my truest friends. There is not one ounce of conceit in her whole soul.  She is quietly stalwart and constantly faithful, never seeking the limelight, unassuming, and completely without guile.

Most people don't realize that she is also a spitfire!  She comes up with more adventures and fun things to do than I can keep up with.  She's funny, witty, and easy to make laugh.  We have had so many great laughing moments together, the kind where our stomachs hurt and tears roll down our faces.  Man, I love her!

She knows everything about me and my life, "the good, the bad, and the ugly"... she has been there for me through some of the most painful times I've ever experienced and gave me courage to keep going.  She has been everything that one would seek in a friend: pure, sincere, constant and true, loving and genuine, inspiring and fun!

And my soul loves her for it!!!

Freedom Runners!

Hot Springs

Aaaarg! We be pilliaging the local Krispy Kreme's for some free doughnuts!  (Aw man, Suzanne would die if she ever found out I put this picture on my blog... I'd be walkin' the plank for sure.)  

Lazer Tag - Watch out for Girls With Guns!!

I 

She made this adorable candy gram for my birthday a couple of years ago.  She never forgets my birthday and always does stuff like this. 

This is my song for the day!

This is LOVE!!!

Where there's hatred
Show love, show love
Weak and broken
Lift them up, lift them up

If there's despair, breathe in the peace
Help heal the wounds of another
Where darkness lives, bring forth the light
Release the chains

This is love
This is love
Let your light speak out loud
This love
This is love
Let the heavens come down

So, give, give, give it away
Give it away, let mercy reign
This is love
This is love

Hope is rising
There is joy, there is joy
It's in dying
We are born, we are born

And as we give, so we receive
The grace to pardon another
Redeemed by Him who shatters pain
And shines the way

This is love
This is love
Let your light speak out loud
This is love
This is love
Let the heavens come down

So, give, give, give it away
Give it away, let mercy reign
This is love
This is love

Be an instrument of Truth
Live it out, let words be few
Let our lives be living proof
This is love
This is love

This is love

This is love
This is love
Let your light speak out loud
This is love
This is love
Let the heavens come down

So, give, give, give it away
Give it away, let mercy reign
This is love
This is love
This is love
This is love

Let our lives be living proof
This is love
This is love

- Natalie Grant

Some thoughts on this "Day of Love"

Valentine's has become one of my favorite days of the year.  I say "become" because I have learned a great deal through the years (and am still learning) the pure joy that comes from giving love with absolutely no thought or care of getting any in return.  I think it's the same as the true Spirit of Christmas.  It is in the "losing of myself" that I find love.  Of course, Christ gave the perfect example and "We love Him because He first loved us." (Herein is the key to true power and true influence.)  In honor of this "True Love", I have compiled some of my most treasured quotes on what love really is and how it can be discovered!!

........

 "Pursue love by striving to give it rather than possess it.  Coupling love and ambition fools us into approaching the whole business backwards.  Rather than pursuing love by giving ourselves away, we wind up trying to capture love with a new and improved version of ourselves.  This sucks the freedom out of love and it sucks the joy out of excellence... No longer shackled by uncertainty and anxiety to your doomed project of capturing love, the joy of ambition, of excellence pursued for its own sake, begins to shine.  Work that was only a grinding means to an end gets lit with meaning as an end in itself.  Unencumbered by a fear of failing, secure in the perfect love passing through you, you put your shoulder to the wheel, you whistle while you work, and the work itself becomes a more perfect expression of an already perfect love."

- Adam S. Miller (Letters to a Young Mormon)

“We think we have to change, grow and be good in order to be loved. But rather we are loved and we receive His grace so we can change, grow and be good.”

 - John Powell

"Instead of allowing yourself to be unhappy, just let your love grow as God wants it to grow. Seek goodness in others. Love more persons more -- love them more impersonally, more unselfishly, without thought of return. The return, never fear, will take care of itself."

- Henry Drummond

"To love abundantly is to live abundantly, and to love forever is to live forever."

- Henry Drummond

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments that stand out, the moments when you have really lived, are the moments when you have done things in a spirit of love."

- Henry Drummond

"Since we are what we are by the impacts of those who surround us, those who surround themselves with the highest will be those who change into the highest.  There are some men and some women in whose company we are always at our best.  While with them we cannot think mean thoughts or speak ungenerous words.  Their mere presence is elevation, purification, sanctity."

- Henry Drummond

"Friendship is a spiritual thing.  It is independent of matter, or space or time.  That which I love in my friend is not that which I see.  What influences me in my friend is not his body but his spirit.  He influences me about as much in his absence as in his presence."

- Henry Drummond

“There are many souls whom I have loved stronger than death. To them I have proved faithful—to them I am determined to prove faithful, until God calls me to resign up my breath.”

- Joseph Smith

"These love the God that I serve; they love the truths that I promulgate; they love those virtuous, and those holy doctrines that I cherish in my bosom with the warmest feelings of my heart, and with that zeal which cannot be denied. "

-  Joseph Smith

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

- C.S. Lewis

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."  -Aristotle