Marco is a very bright young University student from Mexico. He was raised by a single mom and admitted the difficulties he has been through without a father in his life. We sat by each other at a United Families International event last week. The presenter spoke about fathers and how important they are in society as a whole. As Marco heard the definition of a "transitional character", he leaned over to me and said, "That's what I want to be."
I smiled and responded, "It looks like you are becoming one already."
"A transitional character is one who, in a single generation, changes the entire course of a linage. The individuals who grow up in an abusive, emotionally destructive environment and who somehow find a way to metabolize the poison and refuse to pass it on to their children. They break the mold. They refute the observation that abused children become abusive parents, that the children of alcoholics become alcoholic adults... Their contribution to humanity is to filter the destructiveness out of their own linage so that the generations downstream will have a supportive foundation upon which to build productive lives." (Broderick, 1988, p. 14)
Now Marco is not a member of my faith and there are somethings I wish I could have told him more about to be a tool for him in his life as he desires to be this "transitional character", to be a good father and good husband someday. But in my trip to the United Nations, we weren't supposed to proselyte, so all the more I wanted to say I couldn't. I wished I could have given him a "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet and directed him to the chapters, Entertainment & Media and Sexual Purity. I sometimes wonder how often these things are taught in other religions. It's so vital! He will need to understand these things if he wants to be a good husband and father.
A few nights ago I drove a young 16-yr. old girl home from a youth activity. We talked for nearly an hour as she described to me her broken life and how completely exhausting it is to be pulled and torn between the arguments of her separated parents and used like their pawn. They haven't learned to communicate decently, let alone effectively. Like 3-yr. olds they are constantly dragging her in as a third party to be the other's advocate. Both parents are very toxic. I encouraged her to be brave, that in the situations that do not involve her she must learn to repeat, "I'm sorry but this is not my issue, this is yours. You need to work this out between each other. I have to stay out of it."
Then I asked her a question, "Do you believe you can learn from your parents poor behavior."
"I can learn what NOT to do" she said.
"Very good! That's exactly right," I agreed. "You can be a transitional character, a chain-breaker. You can refuse to be a part of the statistics and say in your mind, 'all of this ends with me. I'm not passing this down to my children!' Next time your parents fight and scream at each other, I want you to pay close attention to the kinds of words they use, the tone of voice, and those things that seem to escalate the arguments. Write them down if you have to and tell yourself, 'I'm going to practice the exact opposite of these things.' Refuse to be pulled into their childish bickering. It's not right and it's not fair to you."
I encouraged her to call me if she needed a friend to talk to, any time, day or night. Ultimately though, I testified that the most important Person to call upon is our Father in Heaven. I testified to her of prayer and how it has gotten me through so many dark days. My life growing up wasn't near as difficult as hers is but there were many times during my teenage years where I felt frustrated, heartbroken and completely alone. I wanted so desperately to feel security in my own home but instead everything felt raw and vulnerable, as if something could shatter at any given moment. I learned to cry to my Father in Heaven, to pour out my soul to Him and lay out every piece and fragment of my heart. He answered my prayers. He showed me LOVE and in a miraculous way His love seemed to fill all the voids, the gaping wounds, the fractures, and holes in my soul. I became a new person through Christ. He changed me, He transitioned my character! He became my Father and I found in Him, I could do all things. I told my young friend that she is not meant to carry this weight alone and encouraged her to make the choice daily to turn to her Eternal Father and she would have everything she could possibly need through life.
"Know then that every soul is free,
To choose his life and what he'll be"
- Hymn 240
- Alicia
Showing posts with label Tragedy and Trials. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tragedy and Trials. Show all posts
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Monday, February 16, 2015
He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother
On February 12, 2007 my friend, lost his wife in a tragic and horrific way. A gunman open-fired at a shopping mall in downtown Salt Lake City killing five and wounding four.
So many people knew about this tragedy because it was all over the news. Family, friends, ward members, and neighbors reached out to my friend. Even complete strangers offered to help him. He was overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support he received at that time. It truly sustained him.
In the summer of that same year, my husband and I had the privilege of going to the Holy Land with my friend. He remarried not long after that trip and moved to Texas. He took on two step-children and had two more with his new wife. Through the next few years, we would get updates from him via the occasional Christmas card. Everything looked picture-perfect and it seemed as if it all was going wonderful for him.
Last October, a couple of days before General Conference, my friend came into my mind. I never thought about him and wondered why he just popped into my head like that. Then Saturday afternoon, between Conference sessions, I got a message through Facebook from my friend asking if I would pray for him. A second message came through immediately after the first asking if he could call me. We never talk over the phone, so I was a little surprised by his request. I messaged back my number and a few minutes later the phone rang. I could hear the distress in his voice when I answered. As he spoke, I remembered how I had thought about him just a few days before... this must have been why.
He proceeded to tell me how his wife that he had remarried had slowly stopped going to church, eventually started drinking wine, and now had rejected her Temple covenants. He told me of all the efforts he had made to try and save their dying relationship. I sat in stunned silence and just listened as he bawled over the phone, pouring out his soul to me. Between deep sobs he said, "Alicia, this is far more difficult for me than I could ever have imagined, even harder than the tragedy that took my first wife." I didn't know what to say. I have never heard a man cry so hard as he was and it pulled on my heart. As I continued to listen, I couldn't hold back the tears and I wept with him for nearly an hour. I felt so helpless and it pained me that there was nothing more that I could do. I know he didn't expect that there was anything I could say. I think he just needed to talk to someone who knew his back-story and someone who would listen.
By the time our conversation had ended, the second session for Saturday's conference was starting. I sat down on the couch, still stunned from everything my poor friend had told me. Through the next few talks, I couldn't shake the feeling of wishing there was more I could have done, more I could have said... anything more than just crying with him, bearing my testimony, and promising my prayers.
"Given the monumental challenge of addressing inequity in the world, what can one man or woman do? The Master Himself offered an answer. When, prior to His betrayal and Crucifixion, Mary anointed Jesus’s head with an expensive burial ointment, Judas Iscariot protested this extravagance and “murmured against her.”
Jesus said:
“Why trouble ye her? she hath wrought a good work. … “She hath done what she could.”
“She hath done what she could”! What a succinct formula! A journalist once questioned Mother Teresa of Calcutta about her hopeless task of rescuing the destitute in that city. He said that, statistically speaking, she was accomplishing absolutely nothing. This remarkable little woman shot back that her work was about love, not statistics." - Jeffrey R. Holland
Since that day, I have pondered much about that phone call with my friend and what he said about this other situation being harder to deal with than the shooting. In the first situation, everything happened suddenly and without warning and the sorrow that accompanied it was a sadness that involved the temporary loss of physical life. There was also a large outpouring of community and family support, plenty of people who knew of his loss who reached out to him. Yet, in this other situation, it happened over a long period of time, very few people knew of his suffering and this involved a sorrow of watching someone he loved die a slow and spiritual death, one of their own choosing.
How many suffer like my friend? It's such a lonely road! How very few people realize the burdens that they carry and the losses of Life (with a capital "L") they are facing daily? Trials like these aren't all over the news, in fact, when people experience the loss of a family member in this manner, very few if any even realize the heartaches and struggles deep beneath the surface. Here my friend was telling me, "Alicia, this is far more difficult!"
What if we had eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts to understand? Would the Lord show us where "in the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see," If we asked Him, would he show us who needs our love and support? I believe He would and that He does.
I have another dear friend who not only carries the burdens of his own life (which are currently some of the most heavy burdens I have ever seen) he also carries the burdens of an entire congregation. I have yet to meet anyone with a heart as big as his. His burden is so heavy because he loves so greatly! It is an immense and heavy load he bears, one that would crush most anyone else and yet I know that "the salvation of [this] righteous [man] is of the Lord: He is [his] strength in [this] time of trouble." Psalms 37:39
Joseph Smith taught a great truth when he said, “The nearer we get to our heavenly Father, the more we are disposed to look with compassion on [suffering] souls; we feel that we want to take them upon our shoulders, and cast their [burdens on] our backs”
I get that! I totally get that!
I remember being a little girl and playing records on my mom's stereo. There is one particular song that I absolutely loved and still do!! It makes me think of my dear brother and these scriptures, Psalms 55:22, Galatians 6:2, and Mosiah 18:8-9. I think this will be my song for today. ;)
-Alicia :)
So many people knew about this tragedy because it was all over the news. Family, friends, ward members, and neighbors reached out to my friend. Even complete strangers offered to help him. He was overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support he received at that time. It truly sustained him.
In the summer of that same year, my husband and I had the privilege of going to the Holy Land with my friend. He remarried not long after that trip and moved to Texas. He took on two step-children and had two more with his new wife. Through the next few years, we would get updates from him via the occasional Christmas card. Everything looked picture-perfect and it seemed as if it all was going wonderful for him.
Last October, a couple of days before General Conference, my friend came into my mind. I never thought about him and wondered why he just popped into my head like that. Then Saturday afternoon, between Conference sessions, I got a message through Facebook from my friend asking if I would pray for him. A second message came through immediately after the first asking if he could call me. We never talk over the phone, so I was a little surprised by his request. I messaged back my number and a few minutes later the phone rang. I could hear the distress in his voice when I answered. As he spoke, I remembered how I had thought about him just a few days before... this must have been why.
He proceeded to tell me how his wife that he had remarried had slowly stopped going to church, eventually started drinking wine, and now had rejected her Temple covenants. He told me of all the efforts he had made to try and save their dying relationship. I sat in stunned silence and just listened as he bawled over the phone, pouring out his soul to me. Between deep sobs he said, "Alicia, this is far more difficult for me than I could ever have imagined, even harder than the tragedy that took my first wife." I didn't know what to say. I have never heard a man cry so hard as he was and it pulled on my heart. As I continued to listen, I couldn't hold back the tears and I wept with him for nearly an hour. I felt so helpless and it pained me that there was nothing more that I could do. I know he didn't expect that there was anything I could say. I think he just needed to talk to someone who knew his back-story and someone who would listen.
By the time our conversation had ended, the second session for Saturday's conference was starting. I sat down on the couch, still stunned from everything my poor friend had told me. Through the next few talks, I couldn't shake the feeling of wishing there was more I could have done, more I could have said... anything more than just crying with him, bearing my testimony, and promising my prayers.
.....
Then Elder Holland got up and spoke the words I truly needed to hear:"Given the monumental challenge of addressing inequity in the world, what can one man or woman do? The Master Himself offered an answer. When, prior to His betrayal and Crucifixion, Mary anointed Jesus’s head with an expensive burial ointment, Judas Iscariot protested this extravagance and “murmured against her.”
Jesus said:
“Why trouble ye her? she hath wrought a good work. … “She hath done what she could.”
“She hath done what she could”! What a succinct formula! A journalist once questioned Mother Teresa of Calcutta about her hopeless task of rescuing the destitute in that city. He said that, statistically speaking, she was accomplishing absolutely nothing. This remarkable little woman shot back that her work was about love, not statistics." - Jeffrey R. Holland
.....
I felt as if the Lord, Himself, was telling me, "It's okay, Alicia, you have done what you could." I said a silent prayer of gratitude, that was just what I needed in the perfect moment.Since that day, I have pondered much about that phone call with my friend and what he said about this other situation being harder to deal with than the shooting. In the first situation, everything happened suddenly and without warning and the sorrow that accompanied it was a sadness that involved the temporary loss of physical life. There was also a large outpouring of community and family support, plenty of people who knew of his loss who reached out to him. Yet, in this other situation, it happened over a long period of time, very few people knew of his suffering and this involved a sorrow of watching someone he loved die a slow and spiritual death, one of their own choosing.
How many suffer like my friend? It's such a lonely road! How very few people realize the burdens that they carry and the losses of Life (with a capital "L") they are facing daily? Trials like these aren't all over the news, in fact, when people experience the loss of a family member in this manner, very few if any even realize the heartaches and struggles deep beneath the surface. Here my friend was telling me, "Alicia, this is far more difficult!"
What if we had eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts to understand? Would the Lord show us where "in the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see," If we asked Him, would he show us who needs our love and support? I believe He would and that He does.
I have another dear friend who not only carries the burdens of his own life (which are currently some of the most heavy burdens I have ever seen) he also carries the burdens of an entire congregation. I have yet to meet anyone with a heart as big as his. His burden is so heavy because he loves so greatly! It is an immense and heavy load he bears, one that would crush most anyone else and yet I know that "the salvation of [this] righteous [man] is of the Lord: He is [his] strength in [this] time of trouble." Psalms 37:39
Joseph Smith taught a great truth when he said, “The nearer we get to our heavenly Father, the more we are disposed to look with compassion on [suffering] souls; we feel that we want to take them upon our shoulders, and cast their [burdens on] our backs”
I get that! I totally get that!
I remember being a little girl and playing records on my mom's stereo. There is one particular song that I absolutely loved and still do!! It makes me think of my dear brother and these scriptures, Psalms 55:22, Galatians 6:2, and Mosiah 18:8-9. I think this will be my song for today. ;)
-Alicia :)
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
The Will of the Lord
It's funny how the Lord tutors... how I can be having patterns of thought and begin to dismiss them as my own but then open the scriptures or text from a sermon and have it be exactly what I have been pondering already. I say "it's funny" because it feels me with so much gratitude for how aware the Lord is of us that I can't help but laugh for joy.
I've been thinking a lot about adversity and pain and how they are the gateway to glory and beauty. You can't have one without the other. "There must be opposition in all things." Even last Friday night, I listened to a gentleman instruct a group of us on the compound nature of God, that even our Father in Heaven feels great love and great pain at the same moment. He sighted Moses 7:28-32 and noted that God wept because He loved so deeply, that it pained Him to see His children separate themselves from each other and from Him.
This last Sunday too, it seemed in every single sermon, someone said something that coincided exactly with my personal studies of these recent days.
Then this morning, I decided to open up the lessons in Young Women's for February. I glanced over the topics lower down on the list since I would be teaching later in the month. The heading "Why do we have adversity?" naturally stood out to me because it has been so present in my mind.
There, I opened to that topic, and low-and-behold, one of the talks was entitled, "Mountains to Climb". I couldn't help but smile because I had just written about that in my post from yesterday.
This kind of coinciding is not mere coincidence to me. It's this very synchronizing and harmonizing that becomes solid evidence my prayers are heard and that "God is in His heaven and all's right with the world." - Browning
With that in mind, let me go back to my focus on struggle and adversity, hope and healing:
When we think of adversity, it's easy to imagine the kind that happens outwardly, in our physical lives: persecution, physical limitations, tragedies, illness, disease, loss of property, or loss of loved ones. This is the kind that most likely comes to our mind first.
I believe, though, that the greatest adversity we will ever struggle with is deep within our hearts, unseen to almost all around us and possibly even hidden to those we live with. And what is this great struggle I speak of? It is in the submission of our own will to our Father in Heaven that brings the greatest heartache. It is in surrendering the thing that we are least willing to give up. Letting go fully and completely what we want and desire so desperately to the realization that it may not be what the Lord wants for us. The process of laying down "our will" may very well be more painful, more heart-wrenching, and more agonizing than the laying down to the grave our loved ones. This is bold for me to say but could it be possible? Yes, and upon such realization, it may surprise us. Christ gave the perfect example of full submission to the Father all throughout His life right up to the final test when the pain was so great that it caused him to be sore amazed . He called out "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even unto death." Then with perfect humility He prayed, "Not my will, but thine be done."
We must remember it is in learning this kind of submission, learning meekness, laying down our will (what we most desperately want) and taking up instead what the Lord wants, trusting wholly and completely that He knows best. This sweet surrender is where we come to find rest to our souls. This is the essence of faith at its fullest. Here we can be at peace knowing that God truly hears our heartfelt pleadings and will provide the very best outcome for us, whatever and whenever that may be.
In the grand design of things, there really is nothing to fear, for that which is of God is eternal and that which is bound eternally can never be broken. It is an irrevocable law of the universe. This temporal sphere is such a small sliver of what is to be seen. One day there will come the unveiling of a much greater and glorious picture. We do not see what God sees or know what He knows. Nevertheless, "He Knows" therefore, I pray with all of my heart and soul "Lead kindly Light... I do not ask to see the distant scene - one step enough for me."
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2000/10/lead-kindly-light?lang=eng
-Alicia
I've been thinking a lot about adversity and pain and how they are the gateway to glory and beauty. You can't have one without the other. "There must be opposition in all things." Even last Friday night, I listened to a gentleman instruct a group of us on the compound nature of God, that even our Father in Heaven feels great love and great pain at the same moment. He sighted Moses 7:28-32 and noted that God wept because He loved so deeply, that it pained Him to see His children separate themselves from each other and from Him.
This last Sunday too, it seemed in every single sermon, someone said something that coincided exactly with my personal studies of these recent days.
Then this morning, I decided to open up the lessons in Young Women's for February. I glanced over the topics lower down on the list since I would be teaching later in the month. The heading "Why do we have adversity?" naturally stood out to me because it has been so present in my mind.
There, I opened to that topic, and low-and-behold, one of the talks was entitled, "Mountains to Climb". I couldn't help but smile because I had just written about that in my post from yesterday.
This kind of coinciding is not mere coincidence to me. It's this very synchronizing and harmonizing that becomes solid evidence my prayers are heard and that "God is in His heaven and all's right with the world." - Browning
With that in mind, let me go back to my focus on struggle and adversity, hope and healing:
When we think of adversity, it's easy to imagine the kind that happens outwardly, in our physical lives: persecution, physical limitations, tragedies, illness, disease, loss of property, or loss of loved ones. This is the kind that most likely comes to our mind first.
I believe, though, that the greatest adversity we will ever struggle with is deep within our hearts, unseen to almost all around us and possibly even hidden to those we live with. And what is this great struggle I speak of? It is in the submission of our own will to our Father in Heaven that brings the greatest heartache. It is in surrendering the thing that we are least willing to give up. Letting go fully and completely what we want and desire so desperately to the realization that it may not be what the Lord wants for us. The process of laying down "our will" may very well be more painful, more heart-wrenching, and more agonizing than the laying down to the grave our loved ones. This is bold for me to say but could it be possible? Yes, and upon such realization, it may surprise us. Christ gave the perfect example of full submission to the Father all throughout His life right up to the final test when the pain was so great that it caused him to be sore amazed . He called out "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even unto death." Then with perfect humility He prayed, "Not my will, but thine be done."
We must remember it is in learning this kind of submission, learning meekness, laying down our will (what we most desperately want) and taking up instead what the Lord wants, trusting wholly and completely that He knows best. This sweet surrender is where we come to find rest to our souls. This is the essence of faith at its fullest. Here we can be at peace knowing that God truly hears our heartfelt pleadings and will provide the very best outcome for us, whatever and whenever that may be.
In the grand design of things, there really is nothing to fear, for that which is of God is eternal and that which is bound eternally can never be broken. It is an irrevocable law of the universe. This temporal sphere is such a small sliver of what is to be seen. One day there will come the unveiling of a much greater and glorious picture. We do not see what God sees or know what He knows. Nevertheless, "He Knows" therefore, I pray with all of my heart and soul "Lead kindly Light... I do not ask to see the distant scene - one step enough for me."
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2000/10/lead-kindly-light?lang=eng
-Alicia
Monday, February 2, 2015
When the strife is fierce...
There is something Divinely spiritual about singing with a choir. I love the sensation of harmonizing with a host of others, especially in songs of reflection and praise for our God. I notably enjoy the moments when the accompaniment ceases and the choir resounds with voice alone. It strikes a chord within me that testifies of the Divine living inside of us. Yesterday, our church choir performed the hymn "For All The Saints". The fourth verse we sang a-capella. This verse grabbed a hold of me and was so meaningful, maybe in part, because I love a-capella but I think it was also due to my recent studies on suffering and the beauty that can come of it.
Today, that particular verse continues to play in my mind.
"And when the strife is fierce, the warfare long,
Steals on the ear the distant triumph song,
And hearts are brave again, and arms are strong."
Sometimes, it may be extremely difficult to imagine glory and beauty born of strife and suffering. I reflect on the scripture in D&C 19:15- 19 that speaks of the suffering our Savior bore to atone for us. Look at what came of that, was there nothing more beautiful and glorious?!
Of course, some suffering is needless, some we bring upon ourselves from ignoring God's counsel, but I am speaking of the sorrows and suffering that come despite our efforts and faithfulness. There may be those in our life who struggle with infirmities (of mind or body), who we have plead and poured our hearts out for heaven to heal them. And when that healing doesn't come, we may be tempted to believe that God has abandoned us or that He doesn't care. But I testify, He does care, infinitely and personally! He does hear our cries! And if you listen, you will hear "the distant triumph song, and hearts are brave again and arms are strong."
That word, "brave," what does it mean?
Being brave certainly doesn't mean that you are not afraid, that you don't suffer, or that you don't feel pain. It means you keep moving, keep trying, keep believing, keep loving, and shining, in spite of all your fears, your doubts, and your pain, however long and hard the road may be. Yes, it means staying the course in full understanding that this struggle could very well be for the rest of your life.
I have someone who I love very much, who doesn't believe in himself, who would never consider himself as "brave." He often feels defeated because he gets depressed. He feels purposeless because he feels so much pain, and feeble because he fears. But he keeps moving, day after day, one foot in front of the other, in spite of all he struggles with. I gave him an extra long hug this morning, cradled his face in my hands, looked him in the eyes and said, "You are brave... so much braver than you know! You have more courage than you realize because you haven't quit. You are stronger than you think you are. You're going to make it... you are making it!" He looked at me disbelievingly and my heart broke. But I believe there is no such thing as wasted words, wasted service, or wasted effort, if those things are done in the spirit of genuine and sincere love.
I know that these things are not easy... but it is so very worth it. The truth is, I blog probably more for myself than for anyone... (I imagine that very few people, if any, even see the things I post here.) But if someone does stumble across this place, I pray these words I write to bring the much-needed healing and hope to my own soul will also somehow, somewhere, strengthen a brother or sister along their journey as well.
So... When the strife is fierce....Keep on charging ahead!!
And now with that... here is my song of healing and hope for today:
Today, that particular verse continues to play in my mind.
"And when the strife is fierce, the warfare long,
Steals on the ear the distant triumph song,
And hearts are brave again, and arms are strong."
Sometimes, it may be extremely difficult to imagine glory and beauty born of strife and suffering. I reflect on the scripture in D&C 19:15- 19 that speaks of the suffering our Savior bore to atone for us. Look at what came of that, was there nothing more beautiful and glorious?!
Of course, some suffering is needless, some we bring upon ourselves from ignoring God's counsel, but I am speaking of the sorrows and suffering that come despite our efforts and faithfulness. There may be those in our life who struggle with infirmities (of mind or body), who we have plead and poured our hearts out for heaven to heal them. And when that healing doesn't come, we may be tempted to believe that God has abandoned us or that He doesn't care. But I testify, He does care, infinitely and personally! He does hear our cries! And if you listen, you will hear "the distant triumph song, and hearts are brave again and arms are strong."
That word, "brave," what does it mean?
Being brave certainly doesn't mean that you are not afraid, that you don't suffer, or that you don't feel pain. It means you keep moving, keep trying, keep believing, keep loving, and shining, in spite of all your fears, your doubts, and your pain, however long and hard the road may be. Yes, it means staying the course in full understanding that this struggle could very well be for the rest of your life.
I have someone who I love very much, who doesn't believe in himself, who would never consider himself as "brave." He often feels defeated because he gets depressed. He feels purposeless because he feels so much pain, and feeble because he fears. But he keeps moving, day after day, one foot in front of the other, in spite of all he struggles with. I gave him an extra long hug this morning, cradled his face in my hands, looked him in the eyes and said, "You are brave... so much braver than you know! You have more courage than you realize because you haven't quit. You are stronger than you think you are. You're going to make it... you are making it!" He looked at me disbelievingly and my heart broke. But I believe there is no such thing as wasted words, wasted service, or wasted effort, if those things are done in the spirit of genuine and sincere love.
I know that these things are not easy... but it is so very worth it. The truth is, I blog probably more for myself than for anyone... (I imagine that very few people, if any, even see the things I post here.) But if someone does stumble across this place, I pray these words I write to bring the much-needed healing and hope to my own soul will also somehow, somewhere, strengthen a brother or sister along their journey as well.
So... When the strife is fierce....Keep on charging ahead!!
And now with that... here is my song of healing and hope for today:
"To The Dreamers"
We're beat up but won’t be broken
Lonesome but always searching
Homesick but nobody’s heading home soon
Keep on, keeping on, keeping on
Long days and too many short nights
And wrong ways that almost felt right
Lovesick but nobody’s holding you
Keep on, keeping on, keeping on
So sing along, sing along, sing along… Yeah
To the dreamers
Wide-eyed believers
Hanging onto hope by a thread
To the soulful
Heart open hopeful
Keep on charging ahead
‘Cause, when you feel it, once you see it, and you breathe it
It’s unforgettable
When you know it, once you know it, and you hold it
It’s unforgettable
God knows you question your courage
And some days I can’t walk for stumbling
If we could only see what we’re becoming
Keep on, keeping on, keeping on
So sing along, sing along, sing along… Yeah
When you feel it, once you see it
It’s unforgettable
When you know it, once you know it, and you hold it
It’s unforgettable
I was wondering and I was wandering
So down and out, I was lost not found
History said, oh someone said, that you could never exist
But then a whisper, the start of a kiss
Came to me in all of a sudden like a dream, a fantasy
That day didn’t feel quite real
You took a half dead soul and You made me believe
I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe
To the dreamers
Wide-eyed believers
Hanging onto hope by a thread
To the soulful
Heart open hopeful
Keep on charging ahead
Friday, January 30, 2015
They That Wait
"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." - Isaiah 40:31
For the last few days this scripture continues to impress upon my mind. I've been pondering what it means to "wait upon the Lord". Perhaps the reason I've been thinking about this is related to the two funerals I've attended in the past week.
Waiting is woven into the fabric of our daily lives. It helps us develop the glorious virtue of patience. But it can be oh so painful... especially when that waiting means we will be separated for a time from someone we dearly love, either in death or in the necessary paths of living. It's a truth, "The only way to take the sorrow out of death [or parting] is to take love out of life." -Russell M. Nelson - Hearts sewn together with threads of the purest kind are bound to feel sorely torn at parting. This pain, however, is as needful as the prize. For we would never know the sweet if we did not taste the bitter. "Time goes by so slowly and time can do so much." - Unchained Melody
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." - Psalms 30:5
Those who wait are those who hope even despite all odds, They stay because they truly believe in what will come.
Yes, "time can do so much" for it is that channel all things must flow through in order to grow and progress. Time is the essence of mortal life but it is only to be passed through for we are not bound to it. We are creatures of eternity.
Night must fall and trail our sky
Before the dawn of each new day.
The shadows of the eventide
Break and fade from morning ray.
A seed that's planted in the ground
Pushes through black of soil,
Through time, through love, and faith unbound,
Through sweat, and tears, and toil
Springing forth, grown to a tree,
Its branches touch the sun.
And time is now a memory
Within this story spun.
- Alicia Rawlins
Waiting upon the Lord means promising never to forget Him. It means keeping Him always and forever in our hearts, always anticipating the day we will again see him face to face and feel His loving embrace.
Those who wait are those who keep hope alive, even despite all odds. They stay the course, never drifting, because they truly believe in what will come.
"Test and trials are give to all of us. These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His Son. He already knows, and we have the opportunity to learn, that no matter how difficult our circumstances, 'all these things shall [be for our] experience, and... [our] good."
Does this mean we will always understand our challenges? Won't all of us, sometime, have reason to ask, 'O God, where art thou?' Yes! When a spouse dies, a companion will wonder. When financial hardship befalls a family, a father will ask. When children wander from the path, a mother and father will cry out in sorrow." - Robert D. Hales
For the last few days this scripture continues to impress upon my mind. I've been pondering what it means to "wait upon the Lord". Perhaps the reason I've been thinking about this is related to the two funerals I've attended in the past week.
Waiting is woven into the fabric of our daily lives. It helps us develop the glorious virtue of patience. But it can be oh so painful... especially when that waiting means we will be separated for a time from someone we dearly love, either in death or in the necessary paths of living. It's a truth, "The only way to take the sorrow out of death [or parting] is to take love out of life." -Russell M. Nelson - Hearts sewn together with threads of the purest kind are bound to feel sorely torn at parting. This pain, however, is as needful as the prize. For we would never know the sweet if we did not taste the bitter. "Time goes by so slowly and time can do so much." - Unchained Melody
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." - Psalms 30:5
Those who wait are those who hope even despite all odds, They stay because they truly believe in what will come.
Yes, "time can do so much" for it is that channel all things must flow through in order to grow and progress. Time is the essence of mortal life but it is only to be passed through for we are not bound to it. We are creatures of eternity.
Night must fall and trail our sky
Before the dawn of each new day.
The shadows of the eventide
Break and fade from morning ray.
A seed that's planted in the ground
Pushes through black of soil,
Through time, through love, and faith unbound,
Through sweat, and tears, and toil
Springing forth, grown to a tree,
Its branches touch the sun.
And time is now a memory
Within this story spun.
- Alicia Rawlins
Waiting upon the Lord means promising never to forget Him. It means keeping Him always and forever in our hearts, always anticipating the day we will again see him face to face and feel His loving embrace.
Those who wait are those who keep hope alive, even despite all odds. They stay the course, never drifting, because they truly believe in what will come.
"Test and trials are give to all of us. These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His Son. He already knows, and we have the opportunity to learn, that no matter how difficult our circumstances, 'all these things shall [be for our] experience, and... [our] good."
Does this mean we will always understand our challenges? Won't all of us, sometime, have reason to ask, 'O God, where art thou?' Yes! When a spouse dies, a companion will wonder. When financial hardship befalls a family, a father will ask. When children wander from the path, a mother and father will cry out in sorrow." - Robert D. Hales
When I think of being carried as "on the wings of eagles", I think of the strong steady shoulders of my Father in Heaven.
This song "Shoulders" by, "For King and Country" is absolutely beautiful and gives me strength. Its message is true and because I know this, I can humbly accept the Lord's will and timing in my life whatever it may be.
"Shoulders" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40wYfjv6yt8
"When confusion's my companion
And despair holds me for ransom
I will feel no fear
I know that You are near
When I'm caught deep in the valley
With chaos for my company
I'll find my comfort here
‘Cause I know that You are near
My help comes from You
You're right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulders
Your shoulders
You mend what once was shattered
And You turn my tears to laughter
Your forgiveness is my fortress
Oh Your mercy is relentless
My help is from You
Don't have to see it to believe it
My help is from you
Don't have to see it, ‘cause I know, ‘cause I know it's true"
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." - Philippians 4:13
This song "Shoulders" by, "For King and Country" is absolutely beautiful and gives me strength. Its message is true and because I know this, I can humbly accept the Lord's will and timing in my life whatever it may be.
"Shoulders" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40wYfjv6yt8
"When confusion's my companion
And despair holds me for ransom
I will feel no fear
I know that You are near
When I'm caught deep in the valley
With chaos for my company
I'll find my comfort here
‘Cause I know that You are near
My help comes from You
You're right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulders
Your shoulders
You mend what once was shattered
And You turn my tears to laughter
Your forgiveness is my fortress
Oh Your mercy is relentless
My help is from You
Don't have to see it to believe it
My help is from you
Don't have to see it, ‘cause I know, ‘cause I know it's true"
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." - Philippians 4:13
-Alicia
Friday, January 23, 2015
Only One Way to Live
My heart is heavy today. I have two funerals to attend to within this next week, one this Saturday and the other next Thursday.
Saturday is the funeral for the father of my friend, Nathan. He is no stranger to sorrow and suffering. Eight years ago, Nathan lost his wife in a horrific and tragic way. I'm happy to say he's remarried now but he still has many sorrows. I pray for him.
Naturally, with these events, I've been thinking a lot about life and death. How fragile life is and how strange death can be. We just never know when will be our last day on earth. I hope to live past 100. But if I do die young, I hope it's quick.
Years ago, my daughter, Miriam, used to cry herself to sleep at night because she would worry so much about the vulnerability of life. If there was a movie we would watch where someone died from cancer or a heart attack, she'd have nightmares for weeks. One particular night, I laid by her side in her bed scratching her little back, trying to console her. Her tiny voice stammered as she listed off all the "what if's" that plagued her mind. "Oh Miriam," I said soothingly, "You are right. There are so many ways we can die... so many ways that we cannot even begin to list them all. We knew when we came to this earth it would not be forever. Death is part of life and it has to happen to all of us in order to live again, to return to our Father in Heaven. We just don't know when that will be and we can't really control it. But that doesn't matter. What matters is how we live. And, Who does life come from?" I asked her. "Jesus," she answered. "That's right. Through Him, is the only way to live." I recited to her Matthew 10:28. I assured, "the only thing we need to concern ourselves about is if we are trying to live like Jesus." That seemed to calm her and she was finally able to sleep. Many nights after that, I would have to reassure her of our conversation, "Remember, there are a million ways to die and only one way to live." Since then, this phrase has become a common saying in our family.
Now, all I have to do is start off, "Remember, there are a million....." And the kids immediately finish the sentence, "...ways to die and only one way to live." Good. I hope my children never forget it!
Saturday is the funeral for the father of my friend, Nathan. He is no stranger to sorrow and suffering. Eight years ago, Nathan lost his wife in a horrific and tragic way. I'm happy to say he's remarried now but he still has many sorrows. I pray for him.
Naturally, with these events, I've been thinking a lot about life and death. How fragile life is and how strange death can be. We just never know when will be our last day on earth. I hope to live past 100. But if I do die young, I hope it's quick.
Years ago, my daughter, Miriam, used to cry herself to sleep at night because she would worry so much about the vulnerability of life. If there was a movie we would watch where someone died from cancer or a heart attack, she'd have nightmares for weeks. One particular night, I laid by her side in her bed scratching her little back, trying to console her. Her tiny voice stammered as she listed off all the "what if's" that plagued her mind. "Oh Miriam," I said soothingly, "You are right. There are so many ways we can die... so many ways that we cannot even begin to list them all. We knew when we came to this earth it would not be forever. Death is part of life and it has to happen to all of us in order to live again, to return to our Father in Heaven. We just don't know when that will be and we can't really control it. But that doesn't matter. What matters is how we live. And, Who does life come from?" I asked her. "Jesus," she answered. "That's right. Through Him, is the only way to live." I recited to her Matthew 10:28. I assured, "the only thing we need to concern ourselves about is if we are trying to live like Jesus." That seemed to calm her and she was finally able to sleep. Many nights after that, I would have to reassure her of our conversation, "Remember, there are a million ways to die and only one way to live." Since then, this phrase has become a common saying in our family.
Now, all I have to do is start off, "Remember, there are a million....." And the kids immediately finish the sentence, "...ways to die and only one way to live." Good. I hope my children never forget it!
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
In Between "Once Upon a Time" and "Happily Ever After"
The program for Young Women's in Excellence is in one week. The girls have been practicing a song called, "Happily Ever After". It's a beautiful song!
I must admit that I have a knee-jerk skepticism when I hear these story-book words. I guess I sometimes worry that in the church, there may be youth who grow up thinking that if they find a returned missionary and get married in the Temple, that they've reached their destination and everything will be daisies and blue skies from there on out. It's just not that simple.
I confess, as a young girl, I'd hear stories of handsome princes and princesses, white horses, knights in shining armor, and of course, happily ever after. Dreamily, I'd imagine myself being that princess who gets swept off her feet and rides blissfully into the sunset with the man of her dreams... call me a hopeless romantic, but what young girl doesn't dream that?! I have to laugh. As I've grown older, so has my disbelief of such things, where does that ever happen in the real world?
But maybe I'm looking beyond the mark, maybe there is something I have forgotten in these stories, something more true to reality? The place in between "once upon a time" and "happily ever after" -
When the forests fills with darkness
And wolves seek your soul
Just know
You are simply in the place between
Your once upon a time and your triumph in the end
I wonder if she wrote this song based off of President Uchtdorf's talk? I don't know. But I'm glad she included this part. There is an effectual struggle to be made before we reach our promised land.
I must admit that I have a knee-jerk skepticism when I hear these story-book words. I guess I sometimes worry that in the church, there may be youth who grow up thinking that if they find a returned missionary and get married in the Temple, that they've reached their destination and everything will be daisies and blue skies from there on out. It's just not that simple.
I confess, as a young girl, I'd hear stories of handsome princes and princesses, white horses, knights in shining armor, and of course, happily ever after. Dreamily, I'd imagine myself being that princess who gets swept off her feet and rides blissfully into the sunset with the man of her dreams... call me a hopeless romantic, but what young girl doesn't dream that?! I have to laugh. As I've grown older, so has my disbelief of such things, where does that ever happen in the real world?
But maybe I'm looking beyond the mark, maybe there is something I have forgotten in these stories, something more true to reality? The place in between "once upon a time" and "happily ever after" -
"In each of these stories, Cinderella, Belle, and the miller’s daughter have to experience sadness and trial before they can reach their “happily ever after.” Think about it. Has there ever been a person who did not have to go through his or her own dark valley of temptation, trial, and sorrow?
Sandwiched between their “once upon a time” and “happily ever after,” they all had to experience great adversity. Why must all experience sadness and tragedy? Why could we not simply live in bliss and peace, each day filled with wonder, joy, and love? The scriptures tell us there must be opposition in all things, for without it we could not discern the sweet from the bitter." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf
There's a bridge between the chorus of Jenny Phillip's song that says:When the forests fills with darkness
And wolves seek your soul
Just know
You are simply in the place between
Your once upon a time and your triumph in the end
I wonder if she wrote this song based off of President Uchtdorf's talk? I don't know. But I'm glad she included this part. There is an effectual struggle to be made before we reach our promised land.
With these two quotes in mind, I'd like to call this "place in between" the place of becoming. I find it fitting that Sunday's lesson for the YW is "Who am I and who can I become?" The question "who can I become" makes me think of the Parable of the 10 Virgins. Five became a bride and five did not. Why?
Perhaps the five that were foolish were so busy obsessing over other things that they were too distracted to prepare for the groom. Or maybe they simply didn't care, or they were too caught up in selfish questions such as "What kind of man will he be for me? I wonder what he will give me? How will he love me? How will he fill my needs?"
Perhaps the five that were wise had a different focus, a vision that saw outside themselves, asking questions such as, "What kind of woman can I become for him? What can I do to serve him? What will he need? How will I love him?"
The difference in these questions are incredibly significant: the foolish are centered on those things they have no control over, they surrender their agency and leave themselves to be acted upon. They think that outside sources and others will be the ones to make them happy. But it's just not so.
The wise instead are centered on those things that they can do, how they can love, they are agents unto themselves. They are not conditioned upon outside sources because their choice comes from within. They will prepare, serve, and love, regardless of response, regardless if it seems like forever.
Like the oil in their lamps, so is love. Only pure and sincere love for the bridegroom will transform these women into the brides they are meant to be. Pure love, undefiled, must spring up from one's own heart, it cannot be bought or bargained, manipulated or stolen. No one can force another person to love them the way they want to be loved. Instead they must become the person they dream of. Keep note, this "becoming"is not for the faint in heart. It requires years and years of blood, sweat, and tears, so many tears. But it's worth it!
Now, I shared earlier my skepticism of prince charming... but I must tell you that I've discovered a real-life fairy tale in the scriptures. Yes, this story really did happen! Though, I've taken some liberties (okay, a lot of liberties) in how it's worded but you'll recognize it.
Once upon a time, long ago in a land far, far away. There lived a woman who was very lonely even though she did not live alone. She was not married to the man she lived with and had in fact been married five times before. In every relationship she worked hard to make it meaningful, hoping that she would be acknowledged and appreciated, loved and admired. She would think to herself that truly, all she needed to be happy was for someone to tell her she was beautiful and worthy, accepted and adored. But time after time her dreams were shattered as harsh reality settled in. In all her rejection, she began to feel empty and insecure and even a little bitter at the hand she had been dealt. "I thought being married would make me happy, but it hasn't, where did I go wrong and what could possibly fill my loneliness?" she questioned herself.
Perhaps the five that were foolish were so busy obsessing over other things that they were too distracted to prepare for the groom. Or maybe they simply didn't care, or they were too caught up in selfish questions such as "What kind of man will he be for me? I wonder what he will give me? How will he love me? How will he fill my needs?"
Perhaps the five that were wise had a different focus, a vision that saw outside themselves, asking questions such as, "What kind of woman can I become for him? What can I do to serve him? What will he need? How will I love him?"
The difference in these questions are incredibly significant: the foolish are centered on those things they have no control over, they surrender their agency and leave themselves to be acted upon. They think that outside sources and others will be the ones to make them happy. But it's just not so.
The wise instead are centered on those things that they can do, how they can love, they are agents unto themselves. They are not conditioned upon outside sources because their choice comes from within. They will prepare, serve, and love, regardless of response, regardless if it seems like forever.
Like the oil in their lamps, so is love. Only pure and sincere love for the bridegroom will transform these women into the brides they are meant to be. Pure love, undefiled, must spring up from one's own heart, it cannot be bought or bargained, manipulated or stolen. No one can force another person to love them the way they want to be loved. Instead they must become the person they dream of. Keep note, this "becoming"is not for the faint in heart. It requires years and years of blood, sweat, and tears, so many tears. But it's worth it!
Now, I shared earlier my skepticism of prince charming... but I must tell you that I've discovered a real-life fairy tale in the scriptures. Yes, this story really did happen! Though, I've taken some liberties (okay, a lot of liberties) in how it's worded but you'll recognize it.
...................................................
Once upon a time, long ago in a land far, far away. There lived a woman who was very lonely even though she did not live alone. She was not married to the man she lived with and had in fact been married five times before. In every relationship she worked hard to make it meaningful, hoping that she would be acknowledged and appreciated, loved and admired. She would think to herself that truly, all she needed to be happy was for someone to tell her she was beautiful and worthy, accepted and adored. But time after time her dreams were shattered as harsh reality settled in. In all her rejection, she began to feel empty and insecure and even a little bitter at the hand she had been dealt. "I thought being married would make me happy, but it hasn't, where did I go wrong and what could possibly fill my loneliness?" she questioned herself.
One day the woman's thirst for acceptance ailed her so fiercely that she traveled to a place where everyone else in the village went to drink. She was startled to find a stranger there, a man she had never met before. He seemed to be waiting for her. As she approached him, she was shocked at his greeting for she perceived him as one who would never speak to her type. She wondered what he was doing there for he had brought nothing to draw water out with. Clearly his intention for being in that place was different than her own. She was surprised how well he seemed to know her... how did he know her? His eyes were like fire and she felt as if he could see deep into her heart... a heart that had grown cold and full of sorrow. She glanced down at the ground in shame, then was quickly drawn to his gaze again. There, he looked at her. The warmth from his eyes began to penetrate her soul and her lifeless heart began to beat again. His voice was soothing, like rain pouring from the clouds onto parched desert ground. Who was this man and why hadn't she discovered him before? His countenance was kind and his presence seemed to overwhelm her with a feeling that she could not describe. She sat by his side and listened to him speak. She found herself absorbing every word out of his mouth. Something was changing inside of her, she felt different, like a new person. She noticed that her thirst for the water at the well had left her, she had no more desire for it. No longer did she care if she was beautiful or adored, accepted or acknowledged. None of that mattered. Somehow, with him, she knew she already was. Here was her prince, the one she had been longing for!
Light filled her soul, like rays of sun through a window, and as she turned to return home she felt a spring in her step, gratitude for the simple things, purpose in her heart, and joy for the day. She began to look for and see the good in others. No longer would she serve to be noticed or recognized, loved or adored, because she knew she already was! Instead, her only desire was to bring everyone to the man who gave her new life, to the Savior, Jesus Christ. So, that is what she did for the rest of her days and she lived happily ever after. John 4:5-26 - Isaiah 54:4-8, 10-13
-Alicia
Monday, January 19, 2015
This is what it means to be held...
I've just been thinking of this song today in the context of my post from this morning. The lyrics to this are so beautiful. I think of the Savior and His loving arms every time I hear this song.
"Held"
by, Natalie Grant
"Held"
by, Natalie Grant
Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
Were asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The Wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our Savior
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
Why do we suffer?
As a family, this past Saturday we spent a good portion of it purging our house, throwing out garbage, and cleaning out clutter. It was very refreshing. My husband thumbed through a stack of mail, held up a magazine and asked me, "Recycling right?"
Without looking up I responded, "right." But immediately after my response, I glanced over at the cover and said, "Wait, no! Is it okay if I look through that first?"
"Sure," he said, as he tossed me the magazine.
It was January's copy of LDS Living.
I turned it's pages and was drawn to an article entitled "A New Normal". I started reading quietly to myself at first but then called for my husband, "listen to this story, it's unbelievable!" I leaned against our white cabinet doors and began reading out loud to him. "On August 24th, 2013 Jensen Parrish and her brother Ian were serving full-time missions when they got the news that both of their parents and their two younger brothers were killed from a carbon monoxide leak in their home." I read Jensen's account of the events that unfolded and the weeks and months that followed. I was riveted to the words on the pages. It broke my heart as I came to know their story. Tears streamed down my face as I struggled to continue reading, hardly able to speak.
Jensen and Ian have incredible faith. After the funerals, they both chose to return to the field and finish their full-time missions. At one point, Ian wrote to his sister, "These five months have been hard, and you know they will continue to be hard. However, I have learned for myself, in the clearest way, that you cannot ever know joy without tasting the worst sorrow. I have had experiences when I felt like giving up, but that is when the Lord will put people in our path to hear the gospel. There have been a lot of... times when I want to give up, and then we have a miracle lesson or a very humbling experience."
After completing her mission, Jensen wrote, "People still ask me how I am doing. I don't always have the answer. There are days that are intensely difficult. Sometimes, there are days when it hurts to get up in the morning. I still think about my mom, dad, Keegan, and Liam many times every day.... I've come to better love, appreciate, and understand the Atonement of Jesus Christ... My family is okay. No, they are not with Ian and me right now, but they are near us always. They are safer than they could ever have been here on earth. We are an eternal family..."
After I finished the article, I looked up at my husband with my tear-stained face, "Wow, isn't that sobering! Their testimonies inspire me. Why do some people seem to suffer so much more than others?"
"And thus it is written, and thus it behoved Christ to suffer." The scriptures teach us that the most perfect Man who ever walked on the earth was a "man of sorrows and acquainted with grief."
I feel as if the suffering in my life is so small compared to what some people have gone through. It may seem strange, but there is a part of me that almost wishes I could experience other's trials just so I could know the right words to say to console them... Just so I could tell them, "I truly know your pain". My soul cries, "Oh that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God..." I want to be a voice of healing... I want it in a painful way! It brings me comfort to know we all have access to the beautiful atonement of our Savior Who comprehends all suffering.
This morning I felt a desire to find a good devotional talk to play as I cleaned the house. I found one entitled, "Why We Sometimes Suffer". It caught my eye as I reflected back on the article I read Saturday. It was the perfect talk! I also appreciated it because Brother Wayment included some scriptures that have been on my mind lately. I believe this was the one I truly needed today! I love the tender mercies of the Lord.
-Alicia
(Read Jensen Parrish's blog here.)
Without looking up I responded, "right." But immediately after my response, I glanced over at the cover and said, "Wait, no! Is it okay if I look through that first?"
"Sure," he said, as he tossed me the magazine.
It was January's copy of LDS Living.
I turned it's pages and was drawn to an article entitled "A New Normal". I started reading quietly to myself at first but then called for my husband, "listen to this story, it's unbelievable!" I leaned against our white cabinet doors and began reading out loud to him. "On August 24th, 2013 Jensen Parrish and her brother Ian were serving full-time missions when they got the news that both of their parents and their two younger brothers were killed from a carbon monoxide leak in their home." I read Jensen's account of the events that unfolded and the weeks and months that followed. I was riveted to the words on the pages. It broke my heart as I came to know their story. Tears streamed down my face as I struggled to continue reading, hardly able to speak.
Jensen and Ian have incredible faith. After the funerals, they both chose to return to the field and finish their full-time missions. At one point, Ian wrote to his sister, "These five months have been hard, and you know they will continue to be hard. However, I have learned for myself, in the clearest way, that you cannot ever know joy without tasting the worst sorrow. I have had experiences when I felt like giving up, but that is when the Lord will put people in our path to hear the gospel. There have been a lot of... times when I want to give up, and then we have a miracle lesson or a very humbling experience."
After completing her mission, Jensen wrote, "People still ask me how I am doing. I don't always have the answer. There are days that are intensely difficult. Sometimes, there are days when it hurts to get up in the morning. I still think about my mom, dad, Keegan, and Liam many times every day.... I've come to better love, appreciate, and understand the Atonement of Jesus Christ... My family is okay. No, they are not with Ian and me right now, but they are near us always. They are safer than they could ever have been here on earth. We are an eternal family..."
After I finished the article, I looked up at my husband with my tear-stained face, "Wow, isn't that sobering! Their testimonies inspire me. Why do some people seem to suffer so much more than others?"
"And thus it is written, and thus it behoved Christ to suffer." The scriptures teach us that the most perfect Man who ever walked on the earth was a "man of sorrows and acquainted with grief."
I feel as if the suffering in my life is so small compared to what some people have gone through. It may seem strange, but there is a part of me that almost wishes I could experience other's trials just so I could know the right words to say to console them... Just so I could tell them, "I truly know your pain". My soul cries, "Oh that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God..." I want to be a voice of healing... I want it in a painful way! It brings me comfort to know we all have access to the beautiful atonement of our Savior Who comprehends all suffering.
This morning I felt a desire to find a good devotional talk to play as I cleaned the house. I found one entitled, "Why We Sometimes Suffer". It caught my eye as I reflected back on the article I read Saturday. It was the perfect talk! I also appreciated it because Brother Wayment included some scriptures that have been on my mind lately. I believe this was the one I truly needed today! I love the tender mercies of the Lord.
-Alicia
(Read Jensen Parrish's blog here.)
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