"Unarmed"

In my studies this morning, I read Mosiah 20:26 where it says, "And when the Lamanites saw the people of Limhi, that they were without arms [or unarmed], they had compassion on them and were pacified towards them." I thought of this scripture in the Bible "A soft answer turneth away wrath; but greivous words stir up anger."- Proverbs 15:1

I have to ask myself, "How am I doing with my communication in my family?"  What does it look and sound like to be the kind of person whose knee-jerk reaction is to speak "unarmed"?

As I ask myself this question, I think, "Well, there are just those 'certain people' who are more difficult to communicate with than others.  They are the ones who to me seem to always be 'armed' at everyone else, as if no matter what anyone says or does they are loaded with criticism, ready to shoot insults, scathing remarks, or personal jabs."  How the heck am I supposed to communicate with those people "unarmed"?  How do I "end the conflict" and end it now?  I can't make them lay down their "weapons of war" but I can surrender mine.  Oh man, but this kind of humility for me is SO much easier said than done.

I think of Elder Wirthlin's talk from a few years ago.  It's one of my favorites:

"Each one of us will travel a different road during this life. Each progresses at a different rate. Temptations that trouble your brother may not challenge you at all. Strengths that you possess may seem impossible to another. Never look down on those who are less perfect than you.

We are all children of our Heavenly Father. And we are here with the same purpose: to learn to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

When we are filled with kindness, we are not judgmental. The Savior taught, "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven."  He also taught that "with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." 

"But," you ask, "what if people are rude?"

Love them.

"If they are obnoxious?"

Love them.

"But what if they offend? Surely I must do something then?"

Love them.

"Wayward?"

The answer is the same. Be kind. Love them.

Why? In the scriptures Jude taught, "And of some have compassion, making a difference." 

Who can tell what far-reaching impact we can have if we are only kind?

My brothers and sisters, the gospel of Jesus Christ transcends mortality. Our work here is but a shadow of greater and unimaginable things to come...

...As our Heavenly Father loves us, we also should love His children.

May we be models of kindness. May we ever live up to the words of the Savior: "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." Of these truths I bear witness in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen." 

- By Joseph B. Wirthlin, given April 2005

 I have so much to learn.  I'm grateful for another day to practice this kind of communication, this type of love, this kindness.  One of these days I'll get it down to an art.... practice, practice, practice!  I'm so thankful for a loving and patient Father in Heaven who gives me new opportunities to learn to be and do a little better than the day before.

-Alicia

Godly Fear Dispels Mortal Fear

I got up at 4:30 this morning as to assure me some time to finish my homework due for class today.   I missed my regular study time last night to participate in a face to face broadcast with Elder Bednar.  It was a very worthy exchange!  I love Elder Bednar's words!!!  I've been reading his series of books, Increase in Learning, Act in Doctrine, and Power to Become.

I crawled out of bed and went out to my favorite spot in my living room to pray, my little place of treasured communion with my Father.  I had a lot to do within a few short hours but I wanted to start my day off right.  I cracked open the scriptures and read more words on faith and trust, some of which seemed to speak my name, "Prepare your mind [Alicia]. [I] exhort you unto faith and to patience." (Alma 34:3)  

Ah, yes... faith and patience.  I pray for that with all of my heart.

I was blessed to have finished my homework sooner than expected.  This was an answer to my prayer because I was anxious to take a moment to soak up some comforting words and turned to Elder Bednar's recent conference address.  
... Ah, Just what I needed.  

I have shared below the parts that stood out to me the most.  What a blessing that we have this fountain of living water, these words of the living prophets, the scriptures, and our communion with our Father in Heaven through prayer.  They restore my soul!

-Alicia

.......................

Mortal Fear
"The distressing emotion of fear arises because of impending danger, uncertainty, or pain and through experiences that are unexpected, sometimes sudden, and likely to produce a negative outcome.

Fear is dispelled through a correct knowledge of and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ

Nephi declared: “Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life” (2 Nephi 31:20).

The disciplined endurance described in this verse is the result of spiritual understanding and vision, persistence, patience, and God’s grace. Exercising faith in and on the holy name of Jesus Christ, meekly submitting to His will and timing in our lives, and humbly acknowledging His hand in all things yield the peaceable things of the kingdom of God that bring joy and eternal life (see D&C 42:61). Even as we encounter difficulties and face the uncertainties of the future, we can cheerfully persevere and live a “peaceable life in all godliness and honesty” (1 Timothy 2:2).

We can be blessed to hush our fears as we receive the fortitude that comes from learning and living gospel principles and resolutely pressing forward on the covenant pathway."

...........

Godly Fear

"The righteous fear I am attempting to describe encompasses a deep feeling of reverence, respect, and awe for the Lord Jesus Christ (see Psalm 33:8; 96:4), obedience to His commandments (see Deuteronomy 5:29; 8:6; 10:12; 13:4; Psalm 112:1)

Godly fear “is the beginning of knowledge” (Proverbs 1:7), “the instruction of wisdom” (Proverbs 15:33), a “strong confidence” (Proverbs 14:26), and “a fountain of life” (Proverbs 14:27).

Godly fear is loving and trusting in Him. As we fear God more completely, we love Him more perfectly. And “perfect love casteth out all fear” (Moroni 8:16). I promise the bright light of godly fear will chase away the dark shadows of mortal fears (see D&C 50:25) as we look to the Savior, build upon Him as our foundation, and press forward on His covenant path with consecrated commitment.

I love and revere the Lord. His power and peace are real. He is our Redeemer, and I witness He lives. And because of Him, our hearts need not be troubled or afraid (see John 14:27), and we will be blessed to hush our fears." 

- David A. Bednar (Therefore They Hushed Their Fears)

Puzzle Piece Perspective

My dad used to always counsel me, "You can't see the forest for the trees."  As a young teenager, I didn't understand what he meant by that.  Of course, it's obvious to me now, he meant I lacked perspective.

I don't know how much I cared whether or not I had correct perspective back then, but now I hunger and thirst for it... I pray for it! I desire with all my heart to see clearly.  I want to see with the Spirit and not with my own eyes. - Jacob 4:13

I'm so thankful for prayer.  What an amazing listener our Father in Heaven is, I have so much to learn about that wonderful quality!  Prayer is my healing balm, my lifeline, my connection to my Truest Friend.  (Some may speculate in the ability to communicate with heaven but I've had too many experiences in my life that confirm the validity of prayer and I cannot deny it.)  My questions need answers, my soul needs direction, my hurt needs healing, my eyes need vision, my heart needs changing, and I know He is mighty to bless me with all of this and more.

The Savior taught: “Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you” (3 Ne. 18:20). “Pray always, and I will pour out my Spirit upon you, and great shall be your blessing” (D&C 19:38).

The Apostle James encourages, “The … fervent prayer of a righteous [person] availeth much” (James 5:16). 

What does fervent mean?  It means intense, sincere, impassioned, and heartfelt.  Have you had prayers like that, so intense that you feel as if the very flesh of your heart is being torn? I have.  It may not sound pleasant to some but I honestly cherish such moments in prayer only because I know I'm in the safest possible place to be so raw and exposed.

In the scriptures we are commanded to "pray always." How is this done? Alma 34:27 teaches us to keep our prayers in our hearts, “When you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.” 

Prayer is the key that unlocks the door of revelation.

President Boyd K. Packer counseled, "Learn to pray. Pray often. Pray in your mind, in your heart. Pray on your knees. Prayer is your personal key to heaven. The lock is on your side of the veil. And I have learned to conclude all my prayers with 'Thy will be done'" (Matthew 6:10; see also Luke 11:2; 3 Nephi 13:10).

In direct answer to my prayers yesterday, I was led straight to a talk from conference all about perspective.  Interesting that my Heavenly Father would give me the same counsel my earthly father gave me so many years ago.  I guess I still have a lot of growing up to do.

The story of my life is like a gigantic jigsaw puzzle.  Through prayer I have laid all the pieces across the table.  I graciously thank my loving Father in Heaven for the exciting opportunity of putting together this picture of my life with Him.  He watches over me and gives me help as I ask.  There's an amazing sense of satisfaction when I find pieces that snap perfectly into place, knowing just how and why they relate, revealing more of the bigger picture.

Then I have this group of other pieces; I know they are part of the puzzle, I've held them, examined them closely, and searched for their appropriate position.  I can see the colors and style of cut match with the overall puzzle. I know they belong in the big picture somehow, so I hang on to them. Sometimes I gaze at them for hours...  for the life of me, I cannot see how they can even be possible. I want to find their place!  Like a child, I grow frustrated and discouraged and cry out to my Father, "I don't want to deal with these pieces anymore! I don't know where they belong!"
He lovingly tells me, "Then don't try to make them fit right now, Alicia, and don't quit or throw these ones away either.   Keep putting together the pieces you do understand and one by one, over time, you will see exactly how these other ones belong in your life and you will know right where they go. Be patient."
This brought me comfort.  I pray for patience.

In this same talk Elder Rafael E. Pino shares a story about the raw marble and how the sculptor sees the finished piece:
"As the sculptor was chiseling a block of marble, a boy came every day and watched shyly. When the figure of David emerged and appeared from that stone, complete for all the world to admire, the boy asked Michelangelo, ‘How did you know he was in there?"

This was also what I needed to hear and caused me to recall the lyrics to my Masterpiece, the song I played over and over and memorized into my heart so many years ago.

I love how personal my Father in Heaven is.  I love and cherish the power of prayer.  I thank Him for His devotion to such an impatient soul.  He gently guides and lovingly listens.  He has provided me with His words through scripture, through His servants, and through the Spirit of revelation.  What an invaluable truth!

-Alicia

"Rejoice Evermore"

I love experiences where you pour your whole soul and heart out in prayer and then go to the scriptures and find words that speak directly to you.  Yesterday in family scripture study, both my husband and I took a few minutes to bear testimony of this principle.

I treasure my sacred moments with the Lord, where I can pray out loud and hold nothing back from Him.  He hears me and He knows everything in my heart.

I'm almost finished with "Increase in Learning" the first book of a three part series by, David A. Bednar.  If there is one thing I desire more to learn than anything else, it is to have a greater measure of the Spirit in my life.  I want eyes to see clearly and to be able to discern between truth and error every minute of every day.  It's easy for me to pray about but harder to apply.  I am thankful that I have a merciful Heavenly Father who is patient with me in my weakness.

After some pretty soulful prayers yesterday, I opened my book by Elder Bednar and saw he had listed several scriptures in the context of his writing.  I took a few minutes to look up each scripture and through that process came across some that I truly needed to hear!

"Fear not [Alicia], let your heart be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;  Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament - the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.  Therefore, He giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted [or will be afflicted] shall work together for your good, and to my name's glory, saith the Lord"  - D&C 98:1-3

Then in cross-reference, I read these scriptures:

"Blessed be the Lord, because He hath heard the voice of my supplications.  The Lord is my strength and my shield: my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise Him." - Psalms 28:6-7

"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait I say on the Lord." - Psalms 27:14

I resolve today to rejoice and give thanks in all things. I truly have SO MUCH to be thankful for.  What a wonderful, wonderful life I have right here and NOW.  I am so richly blessed!   I know my prayers are heard.  I trust that "[My] God doth undertake to guide [my] future as he has [my] past. [My] hope, [my] confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last." - Be Still My Soul 

I want to focus on the present moments and not let the little opportunities I have with my husband and my children to pass me by.  And with each moment I'm given here and now, I want to make the kinds of choices that better prepare me for what lies ahead, even though I can't see what that means for me.  Ultimately, I am preparing to meet my Savior when He returns to earth or when I leave this life - I want to be ready, I want to live by the Spirit and have my lamp full and trimmed, adorned for Him by the choices I've made and all I've treasured in my heart upon this journey.

-Alicia

"Everything we hope to accomplish in the future, how we prepare for the responsibilities that will ultimately be ours, is really a function of what we do today. Though some things about the future will always seem uncertain, the future is not entirely a mystery. To a great extent the future is shaped by the accumulation of all our daily activities and disciplined efforts." - Craig C. Christensen
"Tomorrow is Today"

School: Past and Present

Sunday evening, my parents came over for dinner.  There is rarely a time when my mom visits that she doesn't bring some old item from home to unload on us...er.. I mean "gift us" with.  I usually take it graciously, force a smile, and wait until after she leaves before I throw it away.  Bless her dear innocent heart, porcelain cats and old knitted pot holders just don't fill me with interest.

This last visit, she gave me a pile of all my report cards from Kindergarten to 12th grade.  I wasn't feeling too inclined to keep any of it but decided to look through them before I made my decision.  I forgot how poorly I did in school, especially in Jr. High and High School.  My grades were terrible, (except for Theater, Art, and Peer Tutoring special ed. students... I always got A's in those classes.)  Everything else though, the teachers all said the same thing, "Alicia would do so much better if she just focused more."  "Alicia is very cheerful but she talks too much and doesn't stay on task very well."  I guess I really was a flibbertigibbet! (By the way, that word is totally legit, I looked it up.)

Things changed for me the very end of my Jr. year.  That's when I read The Book of Mormon for the first time on my own. It was a huge pivotal experience for me. It made my last year of high school completely different.  I absolutely loved Seminary every year but my Senior year was the best because of my new habit of studying The Book of Mormon.  I decorated my bedroom with reminders of eternal truths and my room became a sacred place for me, my little sanctuary, my refuge from the troubles in my family and pressures at school.  Overall my grades improved... I could focus more and I stayed on task better.  I attribute it all to having a greater measure of the Spirit in my life.  I look back at the experiences that unfolded as a direct result of daily scripture study.  It was miraculous!

When it came time to graduate, my cumulative scores never would have landed me in a fine university and  I had to settle with the community college. While there, I served on the Institute Council and applied to be an EFY Counselor at BYU.  I thought, "maybe if I can't go to BYU as a student, I could at least have an experience working there with youth."  I didn't make it in.  I'm pretty certain it was because I still had a lot of growing up to do.  I think I was too awkward and immature... probably still too much of a fliberty thingy. (and that's not a word.)

Now, here it is 2015, and I'm trying to get in as a student at BYU.  I'm a little late in trying but hopefully I'm a little more ready now. I'm so anxious to know if I'll get accepted into their Communications Program.  This "waiting on the Lord" is killing me!  If I get denied again, I'm going to be so terribly sad (I'm not going to lie.)  But I'll do some homework, make some adjustments, and I'll apply again.  Because, even though I'm still a little awkward and immature, there is one thing I have learned through the years and that is... I don't quit!!  I am focused this time, my eyes are fixed on exactly what I want and I'll do whatever it takes to get there.

 

1995-96 Getting ready for school in my room / sanctuary.

-Alicia

They That Wait

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." - Isaiah 40:31

For the last few days this scripture continues to impress upon my mind.  I've been pondering what it means to "wait upon the Lord".  Perhaps the reason I've been thinking about this is related to the two funerals I've attended in the past week.

Waiting is woven into the fabric of our daily lives.  It helps us develop the glorious virtue of patience.  But it can be oh so painful... especially when that waiting means we will be separated for a time from someone we dearly love, either in death or in the necessary paths of living.  It's a truth, "The only way to take the sorrow out of death [or parting] is to take love out of life." -Russell M. Nelson -  Hearts sewn together with threads of the purest kind are bound to feel sorely torn at parting. This pain, however, is as needful as the prize.  For we would never know the sweet if we did not taste the bitter. "Time goes by so slowly and time can do so much." - Unchained Melody

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." - Psalms 30:5
Those who wait are those who hope even despite all odds, They stay because they truly believe in what will come.

Yes, "time can do so much" for it is that channel all things must flow through in order to grow and progress. Time is the essence of mortal life but it is only to be passed through for we are not bound to it.  We are creatures of eternity.

Night must fall and trail our sky
Before the dawn of each new day.
The shadows of the eventide
Break and fade from morning ray.
A seed that's planted in the ground
Pushes through black of soil,
Through time, through love, and faith unbound,
Through sweat, and tears, and toil
Springing forth, grown to a tree,
Its branches touch the sun.
And time is now a memory
Within this story spun.
- Alicia Rawlins
 
Waiting upon the Lord means promising never to forget Him.  It means keeping Him always and forever in our hearts, always anticipating the day we will again see him face to face and feel His loving embrace.

Those who wait are those who keep hope alive, even despite all odds.  They stay the course, never drifting, because they truly believe in what will come.

"Test and trials are give to all of us.  These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His Son.  He already knows, and we have the opportunity to learn, that no matter how difficult our circumstances, 'all these things shall [be for our] experience, and... [our] good." 

Does this mean we will always understand our challenges?  Won't all of us, sometime, have reason to ask, 'O God, where art thou?' Yes!  When a spouse dies, a companion will wonder.  When financial hardship befalls a family, a father will ask.  When children wander from the path, a mother and father will cry out in sorrow." - Robert D. Hales

When I think of being carried as "on the wings of eagles", I think of the strong steady shoulders of my Father in Heaven.

This song "Shoulders" by, "For King and Country" is absolutely beautiful and gives me strength.  Its message is true and because I know this, I can humbly accept the Lord's will and timing in my life whatever it may be.

"Shoulders" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40wYfjv6yt8

"When confusion's my companion
And despair holds me for ransom
I will feel no fear
I know that You are near
When I'm caught deep in the valley
With chaos for my company
I'll find my comfort here
‘Cause I know that You are near
My help comes from You
You're right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulders
Your shoulders
You mend what once was shattered
And You turn my tears to laughter
Your forgiveness is my fortress
Oh Your mercy is relentless
My help is from You
Don't have to see it to believe it
My help is from you
Don't have to see it, ‘cause I know, ‘cause I know it's true"

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." - Philippians 4:13

-Alicia