The Need To Breathe

 It is said that a dispassionate young man approached the Greek philosopher and casually said, "O great Socrates, I come to you for knowledge."

The philosopher took the young man down to the sea, waded in with him, and then dunked him under the water for thirty seconds.

When he let the young man up for air, Socrates asked him to repeat what he wanted. "Knowledge, O great one," he sputtered.

Socrates put him under the water again, only this time a little longer.

After repeated dunkings and responses, the philosopher asked, "What do you want?" The young man finally gasped, "Air. I want air!"

"Good," answered Socrates. "Now, when you want knowledge as much as you wanted air, you shall have it.

.................

I must have been about 18 or 19 when I discovered the song, "Masterpiece" by, Julie De Azevedo.  I fell in love with the lyrics because they expressed so perfectly the feelings I had in my own heart.  I listened to it so much that I could have sung it in my sleep.  This song is my soul's most sincere desire. I want to know my Father in Heaven's will for me, I want it written on my heart.  I want to become who He would have me become!!  I need this like I need to breathe.

- Alicia

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Masterpiece

Simple clay in a potter's hand, an empty page and an author's pen,
An artist's brush to a canvas white, and a work of art comes to life.
Marble raw, but the sculptor sees, the masterpiece that lies beneath.
Though rough and marred the Master's touch, will change this life, into his work of love.
So everyday I pray...

He'll write His will upon my heart, Mold my soul to His design,
Adding color depth and light, And polishing until I shine shine shine!
Oh my heart is in His hands, He's painting the life He'd have me lead.
Through refining floods and flames, He's smoothing edges and the seams,
And in time time time, Oh this simple life will be ....
A Masterpiece

Snowy peaks, water-color skys, His works of beauty fill my eyes
But He sees nothing more beautiful than a heart submissive to His will

I want to know His will!

So everyday I pray...
He'll write His will upon my heart, Mold my soul to His design,
Adding color depth and light, And polishing until I shine shine shine!
Oh my heart is in His hands, He's painting the life He'd have me lead.
Through refining floods and flames, He's smoothing edges and the seams,
And in time time time, Oh this simple life will be ....
A Masterpiece
My Master's Masterpiece

- Julie De Azevedo

"Rejoice Evermore"

I love experiences where you pour your whole soul and heart out in prayer and then go to the scriptures and find words that speak directly to you.  Yesterday in family scripture study, both my husband and I took a few minutes to bear testimony of this principle.

I treasure my sacred moments with the Lord, where I can pray out loud and hold nothing back from Him.  He hears me and He knows everything in my heart.

I'm almost finished with "Increase in Learning" the first book of a three part series by, David A. Bednar.  If there is one thing I desire more to learn than anything else, it is to have a greater measure of the Spirit in my life.  I want eyes to see clearly and to be able to discern between truth and error every minute of every day.  It's easy for me to pray about but harder to apply.  I am thankful that I have a merciful Heavenly Father who is patient with me in my weakness.

After some pretty soulful prayers yesterday, I opened my book by Elder Bednar and saw he had listed several scriptures in the context of his writing.  I took a few minutes to look up each scripture and through that process came across some that I truly needed to hear!

"Fear not [Alicia], let your heart be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;  Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament - the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.  Therefore, He giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted [or will be afflicted] shall work together for your good, and to my name's glory, saith the Lord"  - D&C 98:1-3

Then in cross-reference, I read these scriptures:

"Blessed be the Lord, because He hath heard the voice of my supplications.  The Lord is my strength and my shield: my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise Him." - Psalms 28:6-7

"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait I say on the Lord." - Psalms 27:14

I resolve today to rejoice and give thanks in all things. I truly have SO MUCH to be thankful for.  What a wonderful, wonderful life I have right here and NOW.  I am so richly blessed!   I know my prayers are heard.  I trust that "[My] God doth undertake to guide [my] future as he has [my] past. [My] hope, [my] confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last." - Be Still My Soul 

I want to focus on the present moments and not let the little opportunities I have with my husband and my children to pass me by.  And with each moment I'm given here and now, I want to make the kinds of choices that better prepare me for what lies ahead, even though I can't see what that means for me.  Ultimately, I am preparing to meet my Savior when He returns to earth or when I leave this life - I want to be ready, I want to live by the Spirit and have my lamp full and trimmed, adorned for Him by the choices I've made and all I've treasured in my heart upon this journey.

-Alicia

"Everything we hope to accomplish in the future, how we prepare for the responsibilities that will ultimately be ours, is really a function of what we do today. Though some things about the future will always seem uncertain, the future is not entirely a mystery. To a great extent the future is shaped by the accumulation of all our daily activities and disciplined efforts." - Craig C. Christensen
"Tomorrow is Today"

I want patience, and I want it now!

I'm in Mosiah 23 in my personal studies.  I came across this verse yesterday,
"...the Lord seeth fit to chasten [you, Alicia]; yea, He trieth [your] patience and [your] faith."

Yep, that's exactly how I read it, with my own name in there and everything.  As I did so, another scripture came into my mind in a personal way,

"For [you, Alicia] have need of patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise."

I feel like saying, "I know, Lord, I know.  I am terribly impatient!  So how about imparting that gift of patience to me right now eh?!  ;) "

I came into this world seven weeks before I was due, so I guess you could say I was born impatient.
I was the little girl who on family vacations would need my parents to pull off to the side of the road every 20 minutes so I could pee.
 I'm the girl who took piano from age 6 to 12 and have nothing to show for it because I  didn't have the patience to keep practicing. (I remember spending more time hanging upside-down on the piano bench with my feet on the keys, staring out at the living room, imagining myself walking on the ceiling).
When I was seven, I couldn't contain emotions around my childhood crush any longer, I tackled him, pinned his arms to the ground and planted a ginormous kiss on his face (then I ran and hid).
When I was sixteen, I pulled into a Chevron with a car full of my drama friends, I was so excited to go to the cast party with everyone that I forgot to put the nozzle back on the pump, drove away, and ripped it clean off the hose. (My friends still haven't let me live that down.  You should have seen the clerks face when I handed him the nozzle. Priceless!!)
And I can't even begin to list all the books I've read only half-way through because I was too impatient to finish them.
The one that takes the cake though is that it took exactly 16 weeks for me to marry my husband.  Yep, exactly 16 weeks from the very first date (blind date) to the day of our wedding.  (And anyone who knows my husband will know that making fast decisions, especially in regards to really big decisions, are NOT in his nature.)

Yes, I'm in desperate need of patience.  *Sigh*

The words from my favorite talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland rings in my ears:

"It is simply a truism that nothing very valuable can come without significant sacrifice and effort and patience on our part....

Troilus, whose impatient love for Cressida makes him something of a basket case, teaches us a valuable lesson. 
“He that will have a cake out of the wheat must tarry the grinding,” Pandarus says to Troilus. 
“Have I not tarried?” Troilus pouts.

Pandarus: Ay, the grinding; but you must tarry the bolting.

Troilus: Have I not tarried?

Pandarus: Ay, the bolting; but you must tarry the leavening.

Troilus: Still have I tarried?

Pandarus: Ay, to the leavening; but here’s yet . . . the kneading, the making of the cake, the heating of the oven, and the baking; nay, you must stay the cooling too, or you may chance to burn your lips.

[Troilus and Cressida, act 1, scene 1, lines 14ff]

The baking of life’s best cakes takes time. Don’t despair of tarrying and trying. And don’t “burn your lips” with impatience."  - Jeffery R. Holland - (However Long and Hard the Road)

It is true, the best things take time.  I can pray for patience but the Lord cannot give it to me.  Patience is not something to be given but to be grown.  However, He can give me experiences that will help me cultivate this wonderful virtue.  I'll admit that some of the experiences He gives are extremely painful.  It makes sense though," no pain / no gain." A blessing I've discovered is that the Lord can enable me to feel grateful in the present moments, the waiting isn't so hard and time goes by so much faster when "I'm anxiously engaged in [the best] causes."

Elder Neal A. Maxwell explained in a powerful talk "Endure It Well",
"Paul observed, “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness.” (Heb. 12:11.) Such “peaceable fruit” comes only in the appointed season thereof, after the blossoms and the buds.

Otherwise, if certain mortal experiences were cut short, it would be like pulling up a flower to see how the roots are doing. Put another way, too many anxious openings of the oven door, and the cake falls instead of rising. Moreover, enforced change usually does not last, while productive enduring can ingrain permanent change. (See Alma 32:13–16.)

Patient endurance is to be distinguished from merely being “acted upon.” Endurance is more than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance; it is not only acceptance of the things allotted to us, it is to “act for ourselves” by magnifying what is allotted to us. (See Alma 29:3, 6.)"

We must always remember that we are in the process of becoming something so much more.  We must make a strong effort to "give thanks in all things" and avoid becoming bitter when the road is long. We press ahead, and we do so with songs of praise every step of the way.

"Therefore, true enduring represents not merely the passage of time, but the passage of the soul—and not merely from A to B, but sometimes all the way from A to Z. To endure in faith and doeth God’s will. (See D&C 63:20; D&C 101:35) therefore involves much more than putting up with a circumstance." - Neal A. Maxwell

I believe that circumstances don't determine our happiness rather the truly happy make a conscious decision to choose happiness regardless of their circumstances.  And I believe the key to this is enduring faith and gratitude.  I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.

I am truly thankful for all the Lord gives me so that I may grow patience.  I know the fruit born of it will be that of the sweetest kind and it will be well worth the wait. Isaiah 40:31

-Alicia

Knowledge > Understanding > Intelligence

I'm half-way through a wonderful book by, David A. Bednar called "Increase In Learning".  I love everything about it so far and this particular section where he speaks of "Knowledge > Understanding > Intelligence" is especially meaningful to me. In my mind he illustrates so perfectly the seed planted in the good ground in Matthew 13.

He teaches that to be fully converted and changed into "new creatures in Christ" we must move from just knowing the Gospel in our minds to feeling it and understanding it in our hearts and then when our hearts are changed,  "the glory of God" which is "light and truth" will be what we have become and intelligence will flow through us, shining in all that we do.

He says it so much better:

"You and I may know the right things to do, but intelligence involves more than just knowing.  If you and I are intelligent, we will consistently do the right things.  Knowing that the gospel is true is important, good, and necessary.  Intelligence is consistently being true to the gospel that we know.

Knowing that the principles of the gospel work in our lives is a good thing.  However, intelligence is consistently working to apply the principles of the gospel in our lives.

We may know and understand that we should be active in the Church.  Intelligence is living in such a way that the doctrines of the Church are active in us - an active and integral part of who we are, and what we are, and what we do, and what we think." 

- David A. Bednar

Jesus is the living Christ and...

"Appropriately seeking for knowledge, understanding, and intelligence is essential for each of us to become a living member of the Savior's living church."
 -David A. Bednar

Knowledge > Understanding > Intelligence  =  Mind > Heart > Action

This intelligence, this light and truth which is the Glory of God, is the evidence of true conversion.  It is a very real and visible light.  I have witnessed it for myself in the countenance of others.  They cannot hold it back, it radiates out from their entire being.  No doubt that there is nothing more beautiful in all of creation!! If "light and truth" is what we sincerely desire and seek to become, no wonder our souls long to be around such people who feel the same.  It is the natural order of heavenly law.

"For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light" -D&C 88:40

When we are converted our motives are not out of duty but out of love:  Love for His word, love of communion with Him through sincere prayer, love of serving without need of recognition, love of learning more of Him, and love of keeping and holding sacred our covenants.

May we always receive the word into our minds and hearts and let it change us into new creatures of a Celestial sphere, so that the pure light, truth, and glory of God always shines through us.

-Alicia

More Than Words

"We see in ourselves, brothers and sisters, the unnecessary multiplication of words—not only a lack of clarity, but vanity. Our verbosity is often a cover for insincerity or uncertainty. Meekness, the subtraction of self, reduces the multiplication of words.

Without meekness, the conversational point we insist on making often takes the form of I, that spearlike, vertical pronoun. Meekness, however, is more than self-restraint; it is the presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness. It reflects certitude, strength, serenity; it reflects a healthy self-esteem and a genuine self-control."
- Neal A. Maxwell

The words from  this talk  by Elder Maxwell echoed through the rooms yesterday as I tidied up my little sphere I call home.  I've heard it many times before. But this particular part about "the subtraction of self, reduces the multiplication of words" hit me like a ton of bricks and I had to go back and read it.  I am a woman of many words.  I am very passionate about writing and speaking (even though I don't feel very skilled at it.)  Still, I can't help but ask myself if my verbosity is merely evidence of my pride.  I never want to sound preachy or act like I have all the answers.  I want to be the one who "walks the walk" not just "talks the talk".   After all, "Well done is better than well said." - Benjamin Franklin

Oh, how I ache to "learn meekness" and to "become" the woman God intends for me to be.  I suppose it's reasonable for me to "ache" in my desire of such things because Neal A. Maxwell also says:

"Meekness is one of those attributes acquired only by experience, some of it painful, for it is developed 'according to the flesh' (Alma 7:11, 12). It is not an attribute achieved overnight, nor is it certified to in but one exam; rather, it is certified to 'in process of time' (Moses 7:21, 68, 69). The Savior said we are to 'take up [the] cross daily' (Luke 9:23)—not just once or occasionally—and taking up the cross daily surely requires meekness."

There is a poem I heard years ago. I loved it so much that I made it into a fridge magnet. (How is that for supreme homage?) ;)

 It's called "My Creed" by, Edgar Guest.  These are just the last few lines of the creed but it's the part that emphasizes most on the core of what I desire to become:

"To be the same when I'm alone

As when my every deed is known;

To live undaunted, unafraid

Of any step that I have made;

To be without pretense or sham

Exactly what men think I am."

-Alicia

The Place of "Becoming"

I've been pondering on what I said yesterday about the place between "once upon a time" and "happily ever after", the place of "becoming".

I mentioned the parable of the ten virgins, how five became the brides to the groom and five did not. In the New Testament, I discovered 32 references to the word "become" and in The Book of Mormon, I found 91.

These are just a few examples:

"become ripened"
"become men of understanding"
"become as little children"
"become his sons and daughters"
"become high priests"
"become bright"
"become a tree"
"become as God"
"become new"

The word "become" means "to change into, to grow to be, to transform or convert".  When something has been converted or transformed, it is changed forever! There is no returning to its formal state.  A seed that has been transformed into a tree will never go back into being a seed.  

In order for us to become the bride to the Bridegroom, He must win our heart.  He must become our everything. We must want nothing more than to have Him in our life.  He must be our focus and He must have our total attention.  He must occupy our thoughts day and night and everywhere we go. We will desire nothing more than to please Him.  All of this will come very naturally if He has truly won our heart, because that is what naturally happens when love is true!

When we truly love Him, we will unite our mind with His mind, our will with His will, our soul with His soul.  We will experience a very real at-one-ment.

Sometimes this "becoming" will feel like forever, so long in fact that it will be painful, very painful. These things take time though.  Everything that is worth living and dying for takes time.  Time: is the great revealer, the glorious unveiler.  

President Boyd K. Packer has testified, "Our lives are made up of thousands of everyday choices. Over the years these little choices will be bundled together and show clearly what we value."

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "When Alma compared the word of God to a seed, he explained that the seed grows into a fruit-bearing tree gradually, as a result of our 'faith, and [our] diligence, and patience, and long-suffering.'  It’s true that some blessings come right away: soon after we plant the seed in our hearts, it begins to swell and sprout and grow, and by this we know that the seed is good. From the very moment we set foot upon the pathway of discipleship, seen and unseen blessings from God begin to attend us.

But we cannot receive the fulness of those blessings if we 'neglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment.'

Knowing that the seed is good is not enough. We must 'nourish it with great care, that it may get root.'  Only then can we partake of the fruit that is “sweet above all that is sweet, and … pure above all that is pure” and 'feast upon this fruit even until [we] are filled, that [we] hunger not, neither shall [we] thirst."

The "place of becoming" is a journey. Find joy in it, because there is a glorious destination that awaits!
-Alicia

In Between "Once Upon a Time" and "Happily Ever After"

The program for Young Women's in Excellence is in one week.  The girls have been practicing a song called, "Happily Ever After".  It's a beautiful song!

I must admit that I have a knee-jerk skepticism when I hear these story-book words.  I guess I sometimes worry that in the church, there may be youth who grow up thinking that if they find a returned missionary and get married in the Temple, that they've reached their destination and everything will be daisies and blue skies from there on out.  It's just not that simple.

I confess, as a young girl, I'd hear stories of handsome princes and princesses, white horses, knights in shining armor, and of course, happily ever after.  Dreamily, I'd imagine myself being that princess who gets swept off her feet and rides blissfully into the sunset with the man of her dreams... call me a hopeless romantic, but what young girl doesn't dream that?!  I have to laugh.  As I've grown older, so has my disbelief of such things, where does that ever happen in the real world?

But maybe I'm looking beyond the mark, maybe there is something I have forgotten in these stories, something more true to reality?  The place in between "once upon a time" and "happily ever after" -

"In each of these stories, Cinderella, Belle, and the miller’s daughter have to experience sadness and trial before they can reach their “happily ever after.” Think about it. Has there ever been a person who did not have to go through his or her own dark valley of temptation, trial, and sorrow?

Sandwiched between their “once upon a time” and “happily ever after,” they all had to experience great adversity. Why must all experience sadness and tragedy? Why could we not simply live in bliss and peace, each day filled with wonder, joy, and love?  The scriptures tell us there must be opposition in all things, for without it we could not discern the sweet from the bitter." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

There's a bridge between the chorus of Jenny Phillip's song that says:
When the forests fills with darkness
And wolves seek your soul
Just know
You are simply in the place between
Your once upon a time and your triumph in the end

I wonder if she wrote this song based off of President Uchtdorf's talk?  I don't know.  But I'm glad she included this part.  There is an effectual struggle to be made before we reach our promised land.

With these two quotes in mind, I'd like to call this "place in between"  the place of becoming.  I find it fitting that Sunday's lesson for the YW is "Who am I and who can I become?" The question "who can I become" makes me think of the Parable of the 10 Virgins.  Five became a bride and five did not. Why?

Perhaps the five that were foolish were so busy obsessing over other things that they were too distracted to prepare for the groom. Or maybe they simply didn't care, or they were too caught up in selfish questions such as "What kind of man will he be for me?  I wonder what he will give me?  How will he love me? How will he fill my needs?"

Perhaps the five that were wise had a different focus, a vision that saw outside themselves, asking questions such as, "What kind of woman can I become for him? What can I do to serve him?  What will he need?  How will I love him?"

The difference in these questions are incredibly significant: the foolish are centered on those things they have no control over, they surrender their agency and leave themselves to be acted upon. They think that outside sources and others will be the ones to make them happy.  But it's just not so.

The wise instead are centered on those things that they can do, how they can love, they are agents unto themselves. They are not conditioned upon outside sources because their choice comes from within. They will prepare, serve, and love, regardless of response, regardless if it seems like forever.

Like the oil in their lamps, so is love.  Only pure and sincere love for the bridegroom will transform these women into the brides they are meant to be. Pure love, undefiled, must spring up from one's own heart, it cannot be bought or bargained, manipulated or stolen.  No one can force another person to love them the way they want to be loved.  Instead they must become the person they dream of.  Keep note, this "becoming"is not for the faint in heart.  It requires years and years of blood, sweat, and tears, so many tears.  But it's worth it!

Now, I shared earlier my skepticism of prince charming...  but I must tell you that I've discovered a real-life fairy tale in the scriptures.  Yes, this story really did happen! Though, I've taken some liberties (okay, a lot of liberties) in how it's worded but you'll recognize it.

...................................................

Once upon a time, long ago in a land far, far away.  There lived a woman who was very lonely even though she did not live alone.  She was not married to the man she lived with and had in fact been married five times before.  In every relationship she worked hard to make it meaningful, hoping that she would be acknowledged and appreciated, loved and admired.  She would think to herself that truly, all she needed to be happy was for someone to tell her she was beautiful and worthy, accepted and adored.  But time after time her dreams were shattered as harsh reality settled in.  In all her rejection, she began to feel empty and insecure and even a little bitter at the hand she had been dealt. "I thought being married would make me happy, but it hasn't, where did I go wrong and what could possibly fill my loneliness?" she questioned herself.

One day the woman's thirst for acceptance ailed her so fiercely that she traveled to a place where everyone else in the village went to drink.  She was startled to find a stranger there, a man she had never met before. He seemed to be waiting for her.  As she approached him, she was shocked at his greeting for she perceived him as one who would never speak to her type.  She wondered what he was doing there for he had brought nothing to draw water out with.  Clearly his intention for being in that place was different than her own.  She was surprised how well he seemed to know her... how did he know her?  His eyes were like fire and she felt as if he could see deep into her heart... a heart that had grown cold and full of sorrow.  She glanced down at the ground in shame, then was quickly drawn to his gaze again.  There, he looked at her. The warmth from his eyes began to penetrate her soul and her lifeless heart began to beat again.  His voice was soothing, like rain pouring from the clouds onto parched desert ground.  Who was this man and why hadn't she discovered him before?  His countenance was kind and his presence seemed to overwhelm her with a feeling that she could not describe.  She sat by his side and listened to him speak. She found herself absorbing every word out of his mouth. Something was changing inside of her, she felt different, like a new person. She noticed that her thirst for the water at the well had left her, she had no more desire for it.  No longer did she care if she was beautiful or adored, accepted or acknowledged.  None of that mattered.  Somehow, with him, she knew she already was. Here was her prince, the one she had been longing for!

Light filled her soul, like rays of sun through a window, and as she turned to return home she felt a spring in her step, gratitude for the simple things, purpose in her heart, and joy for the day. She began to look for and see the good in others.  No longer would she serve to be noticed or recognized, loved or adored, because she knew she already was!   Instead, her only desire was to bring everyone to the man who gave her new life, to the Savior, Jesus Christ. So, that is what she did for the rest of her days and she lived happily ever after.  John 4:5-26 - Isaiah 54:4-8, 10-13

-Alicia