He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

On February 12, 2007 my friend, lost his wife in a tragic and horrific way.  A gunman open-fired at a shopping mall in downtown Salt Lake City killing five and wounding four.

So many people knew about this tragedy because it was all over the news.  Family, friends, ward members, and neighbors reached out to my friend.  Even complete strangers offered to help him.  He was overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support he received at that time.  It truly sustained him.

In the summer of that same year, my husband and I had the privilege of going to the Holy Land with my friend.  He remarried not long after that trip and moved to Texas. He took on two step-children and had two more with his new wife. Through the next few years, we would get updates from him via the occasional Christmas card.  Everything looked picture-perfect and it seemed as if it all was going wonderful for him.

Last October, a couple of days before General Conference, my friend came into my mind.  I never thought about him and wondered why he just popped into my head like that.  Then Saturday afternoon, between Conference sessions, I got a message through Facebook from my friend asking if I would pray for him.  A second message came through immediately after the first asking if he could call me.  We never talk over the phone, so I was a little surprised by his request.  I messaged back my number and a few minutes later the phone rang.  I could hear the distress in his voice when I answered.  As he spoke, I remembered how I had thought about him just a few days before... this must have been why.

He proceeded to tell me how his wife that he had remarried had slowly stopped going to church, eventually started drinking wine, and now had rejected her Temple covenants.  He told me of all the efforts he had made to try and save their dying relationship.  I sat in stunned silence and just listened as he bawled over the phone, pouring out his soul to me.  Between deep sobs he said, "Alicia, this is far more difficult for me than I could ever have imagined, even harder than the tragedy that took my first wife."  I didn't know what to say.  I have never heard a man cry so hard as he was and it pulled on my heart.  As I continued to listen, I couldn't hold back the tears and I wept with him for nearly an hour.  I felt so helpless and it pained me that there was nothing more that I could do.  I know he didn't expect that there was anything I could say.  I think he just needed to talk to someone who knew his back-story and someone who would listen.

By the time our conversation had ended, the second session for Saturday's conference was starting.  I sat down on the couch, still stunned from everything my poor friend had told me.  Through the next few talks, I couldn't shake the feeling of wishing there was more I could have done, more I could have said... anything more than just crying with him, bearing my testimony, and promising my prayers.

.....

Then Elder Holland got up and spoke the words I truly needed to hear:

"Given the monumental challenge of addressing inequity in the world, what can one man or woman do? The Master Himself offered an answer. When, prior to His betrayal and Crucifixion, Mary anointed Jesus’s head with an expensive burial ointment, Judas Iscariot protested this extravagance and “murmured against her.”

Jesus said:

“Why trouble ye her? she hath wrought a good work. … “She hath done what she could.”

“She hath done what she could”! What a succinct formula! A journalist once questioned Mother Teresa of Calcutta about her hopeless task of rescuing the destitute in that city. He said that, statistically speaking, she was accomplishing absolutely nothing. This remarkable little woman shot back that her work was about love, not statistics."  - Jeffrey R. Holland 

.....

I felt as if the Lord, Himself, was telling me, "It's okay, Alicia, you have done what you could." I said a silent prayer of gratitude, that was just what I needed in the perfect moment.

Since that day, I have pondered much about that phone call with my friend and what he said about this other situation being harder to deal with than the shooting.  In the first situation, everything happened suddenly and without warning and the sorrow that accompanied it was a sadness that involved the temporary loss of physical life. There was also a large outpouring of community and family support, plenty of people who knew of his loss who reached out to him. Yet, in this other situation, it happened over a long period of time, very few people knew of his suffering and this involved a sorrow of watching someone he loved die a slow and spiritual death, one of their own choosing.

How many suffer like my friend? It's such a lonely road! How very few people realize the burdens that they carry and the losses of Life (with a capital "L") they are facing daily?  Trials like these aren't all over the news, in fact, when people experience the loss of a family member in this manner, very few if any even realize the heartaches and struggles deep beneath the surface.  Here my friend was telling me, "Alicia, this is far more difficult!"

What if we had eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts to understand?  Would the Lord show us where "in the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see," If we asked Him, would he show us who needs our love and support?  I believe He would and that He does.

I have another dear friend who not only carries the burdens of his own life (which are currently some of the most heavy burdens I have ever seen) he also carries the burdens of an entire congregation. I have yet to meet anyone with a heart as big as his.  His burden is so heavy because he loves so greatly! It is an immense and heavy load he bears, one that would crush most anyone else and yet I know that "the salvation of [this] righteous [man] is of the Lord: He is [his] strength in [this] time of trouble." Psalms 37:39

Joseph Smith taught a great truth when he said, “The nearer we get to our heavenly Father, the more we are disposed to look with compassion on [suffering] souls; we feel that we want to take them upon our shoulders, and cast their [burdens on] our backs”
I get that!  I totally get that!

I remember being a little girl and playing records on my mom's stereo. There is one particular song that I absolutely loved and still do!!  It makes me think of my dear brother and these scriptures, Psalms 55:22, Galatians 6:2, and Mosiah 18:8-9.  I think this will be my song for today. ;)

-Alicia :)