Light

We're studying the Book of Mormon as a ward family again this summer.  It's pretty awesome the way it works:  We all read the same pages together each day so we can be pondering the same verses. We share what we learn on our ward Facebook page and unify ourselves in heart and mind.  I loved doing this last year and am very excited to be doing it again!

I love the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon.  I've read it over twenty something times and it never grows old to me.  The first time I read it was my Jr. year in high school.  (I keep thinking it was my Sr. year but it must have been my Jr. year because the friend of mine who challenged me to read was a grade above me and he was a Sr.) Anyway, it doesn't really matter when, the fact is - It was an amazing experience!

A couple of days ago, I was thinking about the power that comes into our lives when we sincerely study the scriptures and plant them deep within our hearts.  I thought back on where it began for me.

Before I ever read the Book of Mormon on my own, we had family scripture study on a somewhat regular basis.  It was more of a contentious time, a "shut-up-sit-down" environment if you know what I mean.  The spirit was difficult to feel.  My dad was so strict and incredibly controlling, smacking us if we didn't sit still.  It was very wrong the way he went about it.  I look back though and even amidst the memory of it being rigid, forceful, and frustrating, I'm glad my parents at least tried to read on those occasions.  They've definitely learned to loosen up since then and I'm proud of them for that.

One of the best decisions I ever made was to enroll in Seminary.  I took it from 9th grade until 12th.  My 9th grade seminary teacher constantly encouraged us to study the scriptures for ourselves.  I admit, the idea of reading the entire Book of Mormon from cover to cover seemed daunting to me at that age and, like I said, I never did read it that way until my Jr. year.  But my freshman seminary teacher was inspired and suggested I try a study-by-topic method.  "Pick a topic in the Topical Guide" he said "And go through all those verses with that word and study them."  I liked the method of study he suggested and decided to give it a try.

The topic I chose was "light."  I took my set of scriptures, searched the word light in the Topical Guide and combed through highlighting and studying all the scriptures I could find related to it.  It was a wonderful experience!  After that, I often bore testimony of this method, sharing with others my experience studying light and encouraging my friends to do the same with their own topic.

I think it's so fitting that light is what I chose because since then, the scriptures truly have been a "lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path." (Psalms 119:105)

Never any day have I needed to walk in darkness because I have had this light of truth to guide me.  I know that if ever there is confusion, a loss of direction, a sense of not really knowing where to go or what to do, we can receive direct, clear, and distinct answers through the power of prayer and deliberate, intentional, scripture study (both ancient and modern.)  I have witnessed it for myself time and time again.  It is a tested, tried, and proved method for revelation.  We can know of things to come and also be content with not knowing the timing or the details.  The Word is God, it is Light and Truth.  And when the Word is received and applied, it brings REST and peace of mind... no matter the test, no matter the circumstances.  This fixes my mind, heart, body, and soul on Truth.  This is faith in action!  This brings peace.

"Rest... is the mind at leisure from itself.  It is the perfect poise of the soul; the absolute adjustment of the inward man to the stress of all outward things; the preparedness against every emergency; the stability of assured convictions; the eternal calm of an invulnerable faith; the repose of a heart set deep in God.  It is the mood of the man who says, with Browning, 'God's in His Heaven, all's well with the world.'" - Henry Drummond

-Alicia

Friendship,Faith, and Love

Sonya is tall and slender with dark blond hair past her shoulders.  She has the most beautiful blue eyes and a smile that couldn't be more perfect in the magazines.

Sonya and I met during my sophomore year in high school.  We had a drama class together.  That class was cake for her because she was the queen of performance!  You could put any piece of music in front of her and she could not only play it out beautifully with the piano, she also had an angelic voice with perfect pitch and tone to match.  She was naturally animated too, her expressions and mannerisms seemed to be as if she was always on stage.  Needless to say, she had the star role in every one of our high school performances; Steel Magnolias, Guys and Dolls, Bye Bye Birdie, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat, and The Curious Savage.

After high school graduation, I moved in with Sonya's family due to some difficulties going on in my own home.  Her parents, Catherine and Tom, took me in as one of their own, they were wonderful to me! Catherine was a piano teacher for many years, one of the very best.  I could see where Sonya got her musical gifts.  Her sister, Maren, was musical too, a gorgeous opera singer and ballet dancer, as feminine and finespun as a woman could be.  

I remember one day Sonya's dad, Tom, was helping me fix the fuel pump in my car.  I walked through the back door of the house with black and greasy fingers as I made my way over to the kitchen sink.  Maren eyed my hands in horror as she gasped, "How can you stand all of that filth on your fingers?"  

"I had fun," I said as I scrubbed, "Your dad is teaching me a lot."

"Oh, I could never do that!" She poised herself in a ballet-like form and sighed, "I... am a delicate flower."

I laughed out-loud!
I had never heard anyone refer to themselves as a "delicate flower" before and it caught me off guard.  How ridiculous it seemed. I guess I never really cared for nicely manicured hands, especially when it meant getting them dirty from learning something new.

"Oh Maren, you crack me up," I said "Of course you are.  And you never have to change." I patted her endearingly.  

Maren laughed her unique laugh that always made me smile. It almost sounded operatic, so fitting for her personality.

Aw, Maren.... she was awesome.

One afternoon Sonya rushed excitedly up the stairs  into our bedroom and showed me a quote she just discovered. (She knew I loved collecting them.)  

"Look at this one, Alicia.  You're gonna love it!"  She read to me from a little 3x5 card;

"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul. - Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"Isn't that awesome!" she said. "Let's put it on the mirror in the bathroom and memorize it!"

"Okay!" I agreed wholeheartedly.

Our intention was to use it as our motto to pep us up as we prepared to go out and serve full-time missions.  There was no chance, no destiny, no fate that would stop us from going out into the white and ready field!!!  I met my husband the month before I turned 21 and married him 16 weeks later...so... I guess I wasn't all that "determined" to be a sister missionary. 

I grew to love everyone in Sonya's family.  I also learned that there is no such thing as a perfect home, no matter how ideal it looked on the outside.  Overall, the memories there will always be sweet to me. 

Sonya and I have kept in contact through the years.  She lives in Oregon now and whenever she comes home to visit she gives me a call or stops by my place.  She's much better at keeping touch than I am.  

One particular visit about seven years ago, she confided in me about some struggles she was having in her marriage.  

I referred her to some of my favorite Elder Holland talks and then said, "You know, we are always told to be more Christ-like, to do as He would do, to love like the Savior loved.  And truth be told, sometimes that is harder for me to grasp  I guess because I AM so far from perfect.  I don't know how to be like Him.  But I DO KNOW what it feels like TO LOVE HIM.  I mean, look at the scripture in Matthew for an example,"

"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these... ye have done it unto me."- Matt 25:40

"Maybe Christ is telling us this  because He knew the concept of 'being like Him' would be hard for most of us to grasp? 

For me, it seems easier to know 'what to do' if we imagine everyone around us as if they were Him.

 What would we say?  How would we act?  

Christ's love changes us.  You see... because we are loved by someone so incredibly amazing, so unbelievable, how could it not change us?

Love is powerful!  Think about it... When you fall in love, you would do anything and everything for the very best interest of that person.  You would serve them and care for them willingly, most gratefully.  You would strive to be your very best self around them and would never want to harm or hurt them in any way.  

Now, what if you took that energy and treated everyone around you as if they were the 'one you loved'?  Can you imagine the impact?!!"

My friend and I talked back and forth about this concept, and she grew more and more excited to put it into practice. 

A year later, when she came to visit again she said, "You know, Alicia, that time you told me about loving everyone as if they are Christ instead of trying so hard to be like Christ was really freeing for me.  It just made more sense, so much easier to comprehend that way!  And it has been working." 

It was wonderful news to hear.

I've been thinking a lot about this concept. I resolve to put it into practice more:

How differently would I treat my spouse, my children, my neighbors, or the stranger on the street if with each of them, I imagined the Savior?  What if in every situation I "did unto others... as I would do unto Him"?  

What a force for good it could be!!

"We have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear....
..We love him, because he first loved us." - 1 John 4:16-19

Because He Lives and Loves

My peace, my hope, my healer, and friend,

Author and finisher of my faith to the end,

Savior through Thee, I see heaven's view,

Truth breathes in life, my spirit made new,

The grace of Your love flows in my veins,

As my heart sings out, "My Savior Reigns!"

-Alicia Rawlins

Proving Faith, Patience, and Obedience

I discovered this clip from a talk by Elder Maxwell today.  These are some profound and beautiful thoughts:

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"When we see things as they really were, really are, and really will be (see Jacob 4:13; D&C 93:24), dispensations are merely seasons, new friendships are but relationships resumed, and prophets sent forth on their errands from the Lord reflect associations which arc across the ages as they later rendezvous on mountaintops and hills, in woods, fields, groves, and even jails. (See Moses 1:1–2; Matt. 17:1–7; JS—H 1:14, 48–50; Acts 23:11.)

We are not now ready for all things the Lord has prepared in the City of God for them that love Him. (1 Cor. 2:9.) Our present eyes are unready for things which they have not yet seen, and our ears are not prepared for the transcending sounds and music of that city.

The trek will be proving and trying. Faith, patience, and obedience are essential (see Mosiah 23:21; Abr. 3:25), but he who completes the journey successfully will be immeasurably added upon. (see  Abr. 3:26.) And he who does not will have subtracted from the sum of his possibilities.
When we arrive home, we shall be weary and bruised. But at last our aching homesicknesses will cease. Meanwhile, our mortal homecomings are but faint foreshadowings of that Homecoming!
Brethren, these plain and precious doctrines restored in our time through the Prophet Joseph Smith are pulsating with perspective and are so light-intensive, like radioactive materials, that they must be handled with great care." - Neal A. Maxwell
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One other quote I came across this afternoon...

"Why are we drawn to certain persons, and they to us, as if we had always known each other:  Is it a fact that we always have?  Is there something, after all, in that much abused term ;affinity; and is this the basis of its claim?  At all events, it is just as logical to look back upon fond associations, as it is to look forward to them.  We believe that ties formed in this life will be continued in the life to come; then why not believe that... some of them at least, have been resumed in this state of existence?"

 - Orson F. Whitney

The Secret to Life

 "I wanted to tell you, that song 'Major Tom'... 

That song is about courage and going into the unknown. It's a cool song." 

- Cheryl Melhoff (The Secret Life of Walter Mitty)

Last night, we watched it again. This makes it the the third time we've watched this movie as family and I'm pretty sure it won't be our last.  Every once in a while a show comes along that strikes so many chords in me, I can almost hear my heart sing in tune. This is how I feel about Mitty.  I loved it the first time I saw it.  To me, everything about this movie is absolutely genius! It captures the magic of discovery; of dreams, of true beauty, of courage, of relationships, and of course... life.

Life's motto is powerful, it's all about vision, about perceiving with new eyes and a new heart.

“To see the world, things dangerous to come, 

to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and feel 

- that is the purpose of life.” 

I love that!  It's the courage to step outside of our own little sphere and see the bigger picture, to explore the souls of others, to take a leap of faith, to seek understanding, and make lasting connections.  

One of my favorite scenes in this movie is when Walter is faced with the decision to jump on board of the departing helicopter. He has only a few seconds to make the pivotal move. His mind reflects on Cheryl, he can feel her faith in him like a surge of energy that puts his whole body into motion. Her mere influence instantly gives him courage to run for it and to grab hold of the opportunity that awaits him. Once aboard the helicopter, Walter knows that there is no turning back.

As the story unfolds we continue to see how Cheryl's influence sparks something within Walter Mitty.  Every thought of her ignites the embers of his hopes and dreams into a miraculous blazing reality. He starts to become who he has always wanted to become.  It's a side of him that has always been there but just locked away, lying dormant until awakened by purpose, by hope.  That's the power of love.

"Somewhere in your make-up (perhaps in the cells of your brain) there lies sleeping, the seed of achievement which, if aroused and put into action, would carry you to heights, such as you may never have hoped to attain." Once this "genius which lies asleep" is awakened by love, it will "drive you upward to whatever goal you may wish to achieve."  -Napoleon Hill

"Love is, without question, life's greatest experience.  It brings one into communion with Infinite Intelligence." - Napoleon Hill

Nothing could be more true!!  I believe this is why God is so powerful, because He is love personified.

"Friendship is a spiritual thing.  It is independent of matter, or space or time.  That which I love in my friend is not that which I see.  What influences me in my friend is not his body but his spirit.  He influences me about as much in his absence as in his presence."

- Henry Drummond

There's a quote I discovered  just over 20 years ago and I've never forgotten it. I believe it is a key that unlocks the heart in a way that is vibrant, full, and rich, brimming over with meaning... 

"Live to learn, learn to love, and you'll love to live." - Matthew Cowley

That is the secret to life!

- Alicia

"Stay Alive"

by, Jose Gonzalez

There's a rhythm in rush these days

Where the lights don't move and the colors don't fade

Leaves you empty with nothing but dreams

In a world gone shallow 

In a world gone lean

Sometimes there's things a man cannot know

Gears won't turn and the leaves won't grow

There's no place to run and no gasoline

Engine won't turn

And the train won't leave

Engines won't turn and the train won't leave

I will stay with you tonight

Hold you close 'til the morning light

In the morning watch a new day rise

We'll do whatever just to stay alive

We'll do whatever just to stay alive

Well the way I feel is the way I write

It isn't like the thoughts of the man who lies

There is a truth and it's on our side

Dawn is coming 

Open your eyes

Look into the sun as the new days rise

And I will wait for you tonight

You're here forever and you're by my side

I've been waiting all my life

To feel your heart as it's keeping time

We'll do whatever just to stay alive

Dawn is coming 

Open your eyes

Dawn is coming

Open your eyes

Dawn is coming

Open your eyes

Dawn is coming

Open your eyes

Look into the sun as the new days rise

There's a rhythm in rush these days

Where the lights don't move and the colors don't fade

Leaves you empty with nothing but dreams

In a world gone shallow

In a world gone lean

But there is a truth and it's on our side

Dawn is coming open your eyes

Look into the sun as a new days rise

Puzzle Piece Perspective

My dad used to always counsel me, "You can't see the forest for the trees."  As a young teenager, I didn't understand what he meant by that.  Of course, it's obvious to me now, he meant I lacked perspective.

I don't know how much I cared whether or not I had correct perspective back then, but now I hunger and thirst for it... I pray for it! I desire with all my heart to see clearly.  I want to see with the Spirit and not with my own eyes. - Jacob 4:13

I'm so thankful for prayer.  What an amazing listener our Father in Heaven is, I have so much to learn about that wonderful quality!  Prayer is my healing balm, my lifeline, my connection to my Truest Friend.  (Some may speculate in the ability to communicate with heaven but I've had too many experiences in my life that confirm the validity of prayer and I cannot deny it.)  My questions need answers, my soul needs direction, my hurt needs healing, my eyes need vision, my heart needs changing, and I know He is mighty to bless me with all of this and more.

The Savior taught: “Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you” (3 Ne. 18:20). “Pray always, and I will pour out my Spirit upon you, and great shall be your blessing” (D&C 19:38).

The Apostle James encourages, “The … fervent prayer of a righteous [person] availeth much” (James 5:16). 

What does fervent mean?  It means intense, sincere, impassioned, and heartfelt.  Have you had prayers like that, so intense that you feel as if the very flesh of your heart is being torn? I have.  It may not sound pleasant to some but I honestly cherish such moments in prayer only because I know I'm in the safest possible place to be so raw and exposed.

In the scriptures we are commanded to "pray always." How is this done? Alma 34:27 teaches us to keep our prayers in our hearts, “When you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.” 

Prayer is the key that unlocks the door of revelation.

President Boyd K. Packer counseled, "Learn to pray. Pray often. Pray in your mind, in your heart. Pray on your knees. Prayer is your personal key to heaven. The lock is on your side of the veil. And I have learned to conclude all my prayers with 'Thy will be done'" (Matthew 6:10; see also Luke 11:2; 3 Nephi 13:10).

In direct answer to my prayers yesterday, I was led straight to a talk from conference all about perspective.  Interesting that my Heavenly Father would give me the same counsel my earthly father gave me so many years ago.  I guess I still have a lot of growing up to do.

The story of my life is like a gigantic jigsaw puzzle.  Through prayer I have laid all the pieces across the table.  I graciously thank my loving Father in Heaven for the exciting opportunity of putting together this picture of my life with Him.  He watches over me and gives me help as I ask.  There's an amazing sense of satisfaction when I find pieces that snap perfectly into place, knowing just how and why they relate, revealing more of the bigger picture.

Then I have this group of other pieces; I know they are part of the puzzle, I've held them, examined them closely, and searched for their appropriate position.  I can see the colors and style of cut match with the overall puzzle. I know they belong in the big picture somehow, so I hang on to them. Sometimes I gaze at them for hours...  for the life of me, I cannot see how they can even be possible. I want to find their place!  Like a child, I grow frustrated and discouraged and cry out to my Father, "I don't want to deal with these pieces anymore! I don't know where they belong!"
He lovingly tells me, "Then don't try to make them fit right now, Alicia, and don't quit or throw these ones away either.   Keep putting together the pieces you do understand and one by one, over time, you will see exactly how these other ones belong in your life and you will know right where they go. Be patient."
This brought me comfort.  I pray for patience.

In this same talk Elder Rafael E. Pino shares a story about the raw marble and how the sculptor sees the finished piece:
"As the sculptor was chiseling a block of marble, a boy came every day and watched shyly. When the figure of David emerged and appeared from that stone, complete for all the world to admire, the boy asked Michelangelo, ‘How did you know he was in there?"

This was also what I needed to hear and caused me to recall the lyrics to my Masterpiece, the song I played over and over and memorized into my heart so many years ago.

I love how personal my Father in Heaven is.  I love and cherish the power of prayer.  I thank Him for His devotion to such an impatient soul.  He gently guides and lovingly listens.  He has provided me with His words through scripture, through His servants, and through the Spirit of revelation.  What an invaluable truth!

-Alicia

By the Spirit of Revelation

(This talk never grows old to me.    Sometimes I doubt that which I felt was revelation... not because I doubt God.... but because I doubt myself.  I am aware of my weaknesses and it's easy to feel after receiving a very clear answer through fasting and prayer that it was all in my head.  I truly need this encouragement as I continue to seek revelation in my life.  These are the parts of Elder Holland's talk that encouraged me most today.)

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"I... believe that the adversary and his pinched, calculating little minions try to oppose [our revelation] experiences and then try to darken them after they happen. But that is not the way of the gospel. That is not the way of a Latter-day Saint who claims as the fundamental fact of the Restoration the spirit of revelation. Fighting through darkness and despair and pleading for the light is what opened this dispensation. It is what keeps it going, and it is what will keep you going. With Paul, I say to all of you:

“Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.  For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.” 

"With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now."

"Like Moses in that vision, there may come after the fact some competing doubts and confusion, but it will pale when you measure it against the real thing. Remember the real thing. Remember how urgently you have needed help in earlier times and you got it. The Red Sea will open to the honest seeker of revelation."

"Oliver Cowdery, who missed the opportunity of a lifetime because he didn’t seize it in the lifetime of the opportunity, the Lord said, “You did not continue as you commenced.” Does that sound familiar to those who have been illuminated and then knuckled under to second thoughts and returning doubts?"

"After you have gotten the message, after you have paid the price to feel His love and hear the word of the Lord, go forward."

"If God has told you something is right, if something is indeed true for you, He will provide the way for you to accomplish it."

-Jeffrey R. Holland

Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence

"Let them be for signs, and for seasons"

"And I, God, said: Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven, to divide the day from the night, and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and for years" - Moses 2:14

If we are "not watching" we may begin to deny the existence of God.  We may begin to doubt in His power, promises, and His love.
"And if that servant is not found watching, he will say in his heart, My Lord delayeth his coming" JST Luke 12:54

It is interesting that in these last days, during these "signs and seasons" the night sky is often veiled to us and it seems as if the "lights in the heavens" have gone out.  But on the other hand, we also live in a time where with the right tools we can actually see the stars better than any other people who have lived on the earth ever could.

Several weeks ago, we had the opportunity to pull out my husband's telescope with some friends of ours.  We could see Venus, Mars, and the cloud bands on Jupiter as well as its moons.  We saw The Orion Nebula and The Seven Sisters.  We could also see the craters of our own moon with enough clarity that you could see the shadows they cast and their depth.  It was AMAZING!

I love that we have this "parable in the sky".
We might ask ourselves? "What are two main things that prevent us from seeing the stars on a dark clear night?"  I propose that they are the same things that prevent us from seeing the "signs and seasons" the "glory of God" in these last days.

Pollution and Man-made Lights

1. Pollution- "Yea, it shall come in a day when there shall be great pollutions upon the face of the earth; there shall be murders, and robbing, and lying, and deceivings, and whoredoms, and all manner of abominations; when there shall be many who will say, Do this, or do that, and it mattereth not, for the Lord will uphold such at the last day. But wo unto such, for they are in the gall of bitterness and in the bonds of iniquity." - Mormon 8:31

2. Man-made lights-  "He commandeth that there shall be no priestcrafts; for, behold, priestcrafts are that men preach and set themselves up for a light unto the world, that they may get gain and praise of the world; but they seek not the welfare of Zion. - 2 Nephi 26:29

If these two things prevent us from seeing the stars, the signs in the heavens, and the glory of God, is it possible that these two things might also prevent us from seeing the worth and beauty in others?  How do we have the "eyes to see" what are the "tools" we are given?

Tools to See the "Stars" Clearly

Tool #1 The Spirit - "The spirit sees things as they really are and as they really will be." - Jacob 4:13   If it is by the Spirit that we come to know God, shouldn't that be the same means by which we come to know one another?  I believe that when we earnestly seek the Spirit we will find God everywhere!

Tool #2 The Word of God - In Lehi's vision of the Tree of Life, it was the word of God "the iron rod" that led them to the fruit.  It guides individuals through the darkness, the confusion and lies.
-1 Nephi 15:23-24

Tool #3 Prayer and Fasting - This is the door to heaven.  "I wonder if we can ever really fathom the immense power of prayer until we encounter an overpowering, urgent problem and realize that we are powerless to resolve it. Then we will turn to our Father in humble recognition of our total dependence on Him. It helps to find a secluded place where our feelings can be vocally expressed as long and as intensely as necessary." - Richard G. Scott  
Fasting helps us have a vision outside ourselves, we offer up a sacrifice to show how much we care and what we are willing to suffer on another's behalf.  I believe that a person who cherishes and keeps the law of the fast, understands more fully the love of our Savior. 

Tool #4 Covenants - If prayer and fasting are the doorway to heaven then I believe that making and keeping sacred covenants are what holds that door open.  When we are serious about our covenants, when we honor them in word and deed, it is a demonstration of our love, testimony, and devotion to God and our fellow man. And because covenants go two ways, we can rest assure that the promises from our Father in Heaven are solid.  They give us hope and reason to press on, "they produce the faith necessary to persevere and to do all things that are expedient in the Lord. Our willingness to take upon us the name of Christ and keep His commandments requires a degree of faith, but as we honor our covenants, that faith expands. In the first place, the promised fruits of obedience become evident, which confirms our faith. Secondly, the Spirit communicates God’s pleasure, and we feel secure in His continued blessing and help. Thirdly, come what may, we can face life with hope and equanimity, knowing that we will succeed in the end because we have God’s promise to us individually, by name, and we know He cannot lie" - D. Todd Christofferson (see Enos 1:6; Ether 3:12).

"The Lord Shall Guide Thee"

I believe God wants to reveal Himself to us, He wants the veil to be lifted and our eyes to be opened, to see the glory of His kingdom, the signs and wonders that sing out His name.  Prove Him through prayer, fasting, scriptures, and covenants and He will "open the windows of heaven" and the "stars will shine brighter than ever before", His spirit will be so abundant in your life that you'll be overwhelmed with "not room enough to receive it".

"In every part and portion of the revelations of God as given to the children of men, or to any individual in heaven or on earth, to understand them properly, a man needs the Spirit by which they were given—the Spirit that reveals such matters to the understanding, and makes them familiar to the mind.. ...we should all live so that the Spirit of revelation could dictate and write on the heart and tell us what we should do" - Brigham Young

-Alicia

The Need To Breathe

 It is said that a dispassionate young man approached the Greek philosopher and casually said, "O great Socrates, I come to you for knowledge."

The philosopher took the young man down to the sea, waded in with him, and then dunked him under the water for thirty seconds.

When he let the young man up for air, Socrates asked him to repeat what he wanted. "Knowledge, O great one," he sputtered.

Socrates put him under the water again, only this time a little longer.

After repeated dunkings and responses, the philosopher asked, "What do you want?" The young man finally gasped, "Air. I want air!"

"Good," answered Socrates. "Now, when you want knowledge as much as you wanted air, you shall have it.

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I must have been about 18 or 19 when I discovered the song, "Masterpiece" by, Julie De Azevedo.  I fell in love with the lyrics because they expressed so perfectly the feelings I had in my own heart.  I listened to it so much that I could have sung it in my sleep.  This song is my soul's most sincere desire. I want to know my Father in Heaven's will for me, I want it written on my heart.  I want to become who He would have me become!!  I need this like I need to breathe.

- Alicia

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Masterpiece

Simple clay in a potter's hand, an empty page and an author's pen,
An artist's brush to a canvas white, and a work of art comes to life.
Marble raw, but the sculptor sees, the masterpiece that lies beneath.
Though rough and marred the Master's touch, will change this life, into his work of love.
So everyday I pray...

He'll write His will upon my heart, Mold my soul to His design,
Adding color depth and light, And polishing until I shine shine shine!
Oh my heart is in His hands, He's painting the life He'd have me lead.
Through refining floods and flames, He's smoothing edges and the seams,
And in time time time, Oh this simple life will be ....
A Masterpiece

Snowy peaks, water-color skys, His works of beauty fill my eyes
But He sees nothing more beautiful than a heart submissive to His will

I want to know His will!

So everyday I pray...
He'll write His will upon my heart, Mold my soul to His design,
Adding color depth and light, And polishing until I shine shine shine!
Oh my heart is in His hands, He's painting the life He'd have me lead.
Through refining floods and flames, He's smoothing edges and the seams,
And in time time time, Oh this simple life will be ....
A Masterpiece
My Master's Masterpiece

- Julie De Azevedo

Continuing and Confirming Revelation

Arriving home from church yesterday, I walked through the door and found myself greeted by the sweet sound of General Conference playing.  "Well, this is nice!" I said to my kids "Who decided to put this on?"
"I did," my oldest son said proudly.
In a spirit of congratulations I hugged him, "Way to lead, Bud! Way to lead!"
It's those moments that mean the most to me as a mother.
I gathered a few things together and then went right back out the door with my youngest to run a couple of errands.
When I returned I was pleased to hear the conference talks were still playing, I gathered my scriptures and made the attempt for some personal gospel study but soon found it completely futile trying to stay awake.
 It's extremely rare for me to ever take Sunday afternoon naps but the exhaustion from my experiences this past week hit me hard and I gave in to finding a little rest.

After about a half hour or so I awoke to the voice of Elder Eyring saying,
"Heavenly Father hears your prayers. He loves you. He knows your name. Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and our Redeemer. He loves you beyond your ability to comprehend. God pours out revelation, through the Holy Ghost, on His children. He speaks to His prophet on the earth, who today is Thomas S. Monson. I witness that he holds and exercises all the keys of the priesthood on earth. As you listen in this conference to the words of those God has called to speak for Him, I pray that you will receive the confirming revelation you need to find your way on the journey home..."

Hearing this made me smile.  I love how the Lord always finds a way to tell me exactly what I need in just the right moments. I look forward to April Conference beginning this Saturday and continuing the following weekend.  Hearing the words of the Lord through His prophets is always a spiritual feast for me.  It fills my hungry soul, gives me greater vision, and strengthens me to have the faith to step out into the unknown.

Today, I thumbed through a stack of old Ensigns in an attempt to find the printed version of the talk from October's 2014 conference I heard yesterday.  The cover of the August issue 2013 caught my attention.  I thought we had thrown away all of our of 2013 issues because we only keep Ensigns for about 16 months but I was glad we had somehow held on to this one because featured on the front page were two talks on revelation.

"Revelation is a reality.  It comes in the Lord's way and according to the Lord's timetable...  I have noted that most revelation to the children of God comes when they are on the move, not when they are sitting back in their habitations waiting for the Lord to tell them the first step to take."- Dallin H. Oaks

"As we repeatedly respond to the Light of Christ and train ourselves to 'lay hold upon every good thing' (Moroni 7:19), we increase our sensitivity to the things of the Spirit and enhance our ability to receive messages from our eternal home... We must each find and then guard a time each day to remember these words of the Lord: 'All flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God' (D&C 101:16) A segment of time when we can be still, quiet, and removed from our busyness will help recenter us, refocus our priorities , and bring us back into a position to receive and feel the messages our Heavenly Father wishes to send us." - Elder Patrick Kearon

Coming across such articles two days in a row confirms solidly to me that the Lord is aware of my heart.  He hears my prayers and desires to be open to personal revelation, to truly have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart that understands His will for me in my life's journey.  I testify that He delights to prove to us His faithfulness.  As we sincerely seek Him first in life He promises, "Prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." - Malachi 3:10

"Not room enough to receive it" is a perfect description because I have felt Him bless my life like a flood. I am completely overwhelmed by His goodness!

This song is one of my favorites and brings me to tears.  I love to listen to it when I go running and watch the sun rise over the crest of the mountains.  I have never seen the music video for it until today.  It's a perfect video though because it makes this overwhelming feeling even more poignant as I ponder upon my experiences this past week at the United Nations and the friendships I made among the beautiful women of Africa: the Congo, Nigeria, Kenya, Malawi and others. My heart is so full.  God is so very good.

"Prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not 

open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, 

that there shall not be room enough to receive it." 

- Malachi 3:10

Overwhelmed

by, Big Daddy Weave

-Alicia

Revelation - "Lifting of the Veil"

 The root of the Greek word apokalupsis, translated ‘revelation,’ is kalu, meaning ‘a veil or covering.’  The prefix apo is a preposition meaning ‘from, away from.’  The suffix -psis denotes action or process.  Apokalupsis therefore means the action or process of taking away the veil.

Revelation = "Lifting of the Veil"  What a thought provoking concept!

I have spent much focus in my studies on the doctrine of revelation these last couple of weeks.  I desire more than anything to be guided by the Spirit in my life... but because I am mortal I have weaknesses, and I can be a little slow in recognizing exactly what the Lord is trying to reveal to me.

Have you ever prayed about something and received an answer but over the course of a few days looked back in disbelief and said to yourself, "It can't be true, it was just my own thoughts"?  It's in moments like these that I feel the desire to pray, fast, study God's word, and seek the Spirit even more diligently as Alma did.  He recognized inspiration from the Lord from following this pattern to such an extent that he knew it!  He boldly testified, "They are made known unto me by the Holy Spirit of God.  Behold I have fasted and prayed many days that I might know these things of myself.  And now I do know of myself that they are true; for the Lord God hath made them manifest unto me by his Holy Spirit; and this is the spirit of revelation which is in me." - Alma 5:46

I have seen this pattern of "prayer, fasting, study of God's word, and seeking the Spirit" work in my own life and can testify of its validity.  When it is of the Lord, I have also noticed that I will receive multiple witnesses confirming its truth from several different sources; a conference talk, a sermon in sacrament meeting, verses I come across in my scripture study, and of course the peaceful calm of the Spirit.

Just recently, I have "given [myself] to much fasting and prayer" about a direction in my life I feel the Lord is taking me but seeking to know most sincerely if it is truly the Lord reveling it to me or if it's my own desires. I have read scriptures that have given me the answer before but I am slow sometimes and need a 3rd or 4th witness.   I asked Him to forgive me for asking one more time and prayed that He would show me one more scripture to confirm that this was truly a revelation from Him.  I opened my Bible, thumbed through the pages and the first verse my eyes fell on were these, "For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you."  - Matthew 10:20
I just don't see things like that as a coincidence.  This was a direct answer to me.

The Lord wants to reveal things to us!  Look at the intense faith the brother of Jared had.  It was so great that "he could not be kept from beholding within the veil" and "he saw Jesus" - Ether 3:18,19
I believe that if we could truly see how powerful faith is, it would almost frighten us. "It is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister" - Moroni 7:37

 "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us." - Marianne Williamson

We are literal children of God, children of the Light. "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." -Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
I love that we have direct access to our Heavenly Home through prayer, through Jesus Christ, and that with full faith we can see what the Lord desires to show us.

I am so thankful to know emphatically that I have a loving Father in Heaven who not only hears my prayers but is involved in the smallest details of my life.  He wants to "lift the veil" from our eyes, He wants us to see His face and recognize His benevolent and guiding hand.

-Alicia

"Rejoice Evermore"

I love experiences where you pour your whole soul and heart out in prayer and then go to the scriptures and find words that speak directly to you.  Yesterday in family scripture study, both my husband and I took a few minutes to bear testimony of this principle.

I treasure my sacred moments with the Lord, where I can pray out loud and hold nothing back from Him.  He hears me and He knows everything in my heart.

I'm almost finished with "Increase in Learning" the first book of a three part series by, David A. Bednar.  If there is one thing I desire more to learn than anything else, it is to have a greater measure of the Spirit in my life.  I want eyes to see clearly and to be able to discern between truth and error every minute of every day.  It's easy for me to pray about but harder to apply.  I am thankful that I have a merciful Heavenly Father who is patient with me in my weakness.

After some pretty soulful prayers yesterday, I opened my book by Elder Bednar and saw he had listed several scriptures in the context of his writing.  I took a few minutes to look up each scripture and through that process came across some that I truly needed to hear!

"Fear not [Alicia], let your heart be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;  Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament - the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.  Therefore, He giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted [or will be afflicted] shall work together for your good, and to my name's glory, saith the Lord"  - D&C 98:1-3

Then in cross-reference, I read these scriptures:

"Blessed be the Lord, because He hath heard the voice of my supplications.  The Lord is my strength and my shield: my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise Him." - Psalms 28:6-7

"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait I say on the Lord." - Psalms 27:14

I resolve today to rejoice and give thanks in all things. I truly have SO MUCH to be thankful for.  What a wonderful, wonderful life I have right here and NOW.  I am so richly blessed!   I know my prayers are heard.  I trust that "[My] God doth undertake to guide [my] future as he has [my] past. [My] hope, [my] confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last." - Be Still My Soul 

I want to focus on the present moments and not let the little opportunities I have with my husband and my children to pass me by.  And with each moment I'm given here and now, I want to make the kinds of choices that better prepare me for what lies ahead, even though I can't see what that means for me.  Ultimately, I am preparing to meet my Savior when He returns to earth or when I leave this life - I want to be ready, I want to live by the Spirit and have my lamp full and trimmed, adorned for Him by the choices I've made and all I've treasured in my heart upon this journey.

-Alicia

"Everything we hope to accomplish in the future, how we prepare for the responsibilities that will ultimately be ours, is really a function of what we do today. Though some things about the future will always seem uncertain, the future is not entirely a mystery. To a great extent the future is shaped by the accumulation of all our daily activities and disciplined efforts." - Craig C. Christensen
"Tomorrow is Today"

Must Be Opposition In All Things

I gave a lesson for the young women of my Church last Sunday.  We also used it as a family lesson the following night.  This whole month I have been thinking of the talks that were suggested in the lesson plan and the quotes that were referenced therein.

The first quote is by President Spencer W. Kimball
"There are great challenges ahead of us, giant opportunities to be met. I welcome that exciting prospect and feel to say to the Lord, humbly, 'Give me this mountain,' give me these challenges."

I asked the young women and my children the same question:
"Why do you think President Kimball wants 'these challenges'?  Notice, not only does he want them but he says he 'welcome[s] that exciting prospect'.  What is he, nuts? Why would someone call challenges exciting?"

Our current Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson shared the other thing I've been thinking of all month.  He read a portion of this poem I've heard many times before.

Good Timber

The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease:
The stronger wind, the stronger trees;
The further sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth,
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.

-Douglas Malloch

An ancient prophet in the New Testament also shared his testimony of joy and beauty through adversity, "No chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grevious: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." - Hebrews 12:11

All three of these righteous men are testifying that beautiful, "joyous", "peaceable", wonderful things come out of pressing through our opposition, through our adversity.

Joseph Smith was another who had trials I cannot even begin to fathom.
He received this promise in Liberty Jail, "if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." - D&C 122:7

It's that word, "EXPERINCE" that strikes me, what we learn, what we gain, what we come to know as we go through and faithfully endure these challenges.  These prophets who have shared the beauty that can come of opposition are speaking from their own experiences.  I believe they know what it is first hand to cry out with the most soulful tears, with heart-wrenching agony over the sorrows that dig trenches in their hearts. They know what it means to pray and to "pray more earnestly".  They have anxiously sought for answers through the scriptures and turned to the word of the Lord for guidance.  And I am certain that every one of them have in their searching for answers, hope, and healing came to appreciate more fully the One Who carried all our suffering and descended below all things.

All of these ingredients: "soulful prayer", "serious study of the scriptures," and "seeking the Savior" work in us something amazing and beautiful.  It opens up our hearts to receive His Spirit and as we receive this Spirit within us we are changed into "new creatures".  Through this process, we witness over and over again the reality of God because we see undeniable, direct answers to our prayers.  We feel and experience for ourselves the reality of heaven.  This mountain we have climbed, however painful, has opened our "vision".  We see the bigger picture now, not just for our own lives but for others as well.  We WANT to "lift up the hands that hang down and strengthen the feebled knees." We have become converted, transformed, with new eyes, a new heart, and a new Spirit within us!  Like Jacob, our faith becomes "unshakeable".

I can see clearly from my own experiences why President Kimball said, "'Give me this mountain,' give me these challenges."  Through my adversities I have come to know my Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ.  Through these trials I have gained an appreciation for the strong shoulders of my Savior.  He is able!!!  I have found that this is the way to eternal life.  This is the fruit of the tree.  And a testimony like this worth every effort for it is "sweet above all that is sweet."

I humbly thank my Father for His infinite wisdom. And I am deeply thankful that He loves me enough to provide for me opposition and challenges. I too, welcome them.

-Alicia

Write Your Story

When I think of sacrifice and "laying down my will" - I think the Lord really wants me to give up "my story" how I want to "write my life," how I want things to turn out.  That is what I need to let go.

I'm still waiting to hear back from BYU.  It's funny because I've been waiting for 19 years for this.  I feel that I will get in, I just don't know when.  I don't know where it will lead or see the full picture of what the Lord has planned with me there. But I know this is where I'm supposed to be. Either way...  It doesn't really matter if I make it in this time or not because I've done what I could and I trust God.  I trust His timing too.

After all, He is the AUTHOR and finisher of my faith.  This is His story to write and not mine.

......

"I'm an empty page
I'm an open book
Write Your story on my heart
Come on and make Your mark

Author of my hope
Maker of the stars
Let me be Your work of art
Won't You write Your story on my heart

My life

I know it's never really been mine

So do with it whatever You like

I don't know what Your plan is

But I know it's good

I want my history

To be Your legacy

Go ahead and show this world

What You've done in me

And when the music fades

I want my life to say

I let You write Your story on my heart."

-Francesca Batistelli

The Tree of Life / The Love of God

I've been thinking a lot about this part of The Living Christ.
"Each of us will stand to be judged of Him according to our works and the desires of our hearts."

What are the "desires of our hearts"?

In the Thesaurus, I find it interesting that "desires" is also tied with "appetites and passions".  So the phrase from The Living Christ to be expounded a little bit more could say, "each of us will stand to be judged of Him according to our works and the desires [appetites and passions] of our hearts."

What is it that we are passionate about?
What is it that we are hungry for?
What is our motivation?
The Savior was passionate about building the Kingdom of God, He was hungry for instruction from His Father, He was motivated by the purest love. And because His motives were of the purest kind, it naturally followed that He willingly stayed within the bounds His Father had set, it naturally followed that He was obedient to whatever the will of the Father was for Him.

All of these thoughts go right along with a talk I gave a while ago.  I found that I had a copy of it, so I've pasted it here.

.....................

(Copy of a talk I originally gave in church on Dec. 22nd, 2013)

The Tree of Life / The Love of God

Most of us are familiar with Lehi’s vision of the tree of life, you know the one… the iron rod, the midst of darkness, the field, and the great and spacious building:

I love 1Nephi 11 where Nephi desires to know the meaning of his father, Lehi’s dream.  As he was praying and pondering in his heart the Spirit of the Lord comes to him. And he asks Nephi “What desirest thou?”  Nephi says, “to know the meaning of the dream my father had.”
(Notice right after he says this, the spirit immediately turns Nephi’s focus to the tree of life by asking him, “do you believe  that your father saw  the  tree?” Nephi says yes, that he believes.)

Then, Nephi sees in vision this glorious, most beautiful tree with the fruit thereof most desirable. And the Spirit of the Lord asks him again, “What desirest thou?”  He says, “To know the interpretation thereof.”
He is then  shown a vision of Mary, the mother of Christ, holding in her arms the infant Son of God, the Savior of the world.   The Spirit of the Lord asks him a vital question, “Knowest thou the condescension of God ?”

Do we know the condescension of God? Do we know Who He is and realize the magnitude of His choice to “descend below all things”?

Listen to these two descriptions of the Savior:

 Under the direction of the Father, He is the very Creator of the Heavens and the earth!!!  “All things were made by Him and without Him was not anything made.” (John 1:3) The tree in Lehi’s dream is described as "exceeding all beauty, most precious above all, most desirable!” He is all-powerful, all-knowing, "the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace," The Savior or the world. -Isaiah 9:6

Now listen to the first couple of verses in Isaiah 53- and this description of how many of the people would view Him. (I’m paraphrasing)

 “a scrawny seedling, a scrubby plant in a parched field. nothing attractive about him, nothing to cause us to take a second look. looked down on and passed over, not worth our time or attention”. He was viewed as inferior, lower, less than, spit upon, despised, rejected and hated. - Isaiah 53:2-3

Wait a minute?
We’re talking about the same person here?
What happened?  How could one so perfect, so amazing, so Mighty be viewed as one so inferior, hated and rejected?

The answer is "The people were blinded."
 By what? What was it that was blinding them?

1 Nephi 13:8 & 9,  Mormon 8:38, 39 – tell us the cause of their visual impairment….both of these references say, ”for the praise of the world.”  Their desires all stemmed from selfishness.  All they cared about was "getting glory for themselves".

Yes, sometimes the limelight isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be… sometimes the limelight can be blinding.

Twice, this past Sunday, I heard reference to a story called “The Mansion”, a story about a man and his downfall because he sought all his life for the honor and praise of the world.  Whether we are rich or poor, we must beware of valuing and centering our lives around the honors, the praise and approval of mankind …. For in doing so, we may be blinded and overlook the Divine, even the very
Savior of the world.

Now I go back to the question, “knowest thou the condescension of God?”

Condescension means = Voluntary descent from rank, voluntary descent from dignity. Letting go of deserved honors; submission to inferiors in granting requests, or performing acts which strict justice does not require.

So often all that is hailed, applauded, awarded or paraded in accolades or accomplishments is NOT where we will find true greatness.  It is found in the depths of the heart. Remember: "he that is greatest among you shall be your servant." (Matt 23:11)

I ask the question then “why?”  Why would one so glorious and noble, worthy of all praise,  willingly,  voluntarily relinquish His throne and descend to the sphere of man? He’s the creator of the earth, the Lord and Savior of us all, the King of Kings… shouldn't He have been the most loved, the most recognized, appreciated, praised, revered and admired? YES, but He wasn’t and, sadly, He isn’t… and knew He wouldn’t be… because that wasn’t His motive.  His motive never has been about “what He deserves or recognition.”  His motive was LOVE, sincere pure love for God our Father, and love for us!

Brothers and sisters, behold the condescension of God:

"Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was  bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace  was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all." (Isaiah 53:4-6)

 "And he [went] forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 And he [took] upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he [took] him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." (Alma 7:11-12) 

And He did  all this without any thought for Himself!…. Why?  Because , “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,” 1 Corinthians 13:4

Brothers and Sisters, there really is no need to draw attention to ourselves. We are God’s children! We have His full attention!  We are already loved and already noticed..   I testify that the Lord of Heaven and Earth, knows all, is above all, and sees all! And Who is greater than the Lord? I witness to you that there is none that is greater!

I testify that as we “lose ourselves”, as we take our focus off of ourselves and instead focus on Christ, focus on His words in the scriptures and through living Prophets, focus on our Savior’s example of love, our eyes will be opened!  We will be free from the anxiety that accompanies pride, the concern of what others think of us, the pride that blinds us.  When we put the Lord first, where He deserves to be, and sincerely reach out to all others as the Savior did, without "rustling for recognition"* or praise, but because of the pure love of Christ flowing through us, then we will have eyes to see… it is here we will find true satisfaction, fulfillment, and lasting joy.

 This is the Spirit of Christmas…. The Spirit of Christ!  Of this I testify, in the name of Jesus Christ,

Amen.

……

*From a talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell entitled, “The Pathway of Dicipleship” 1998 BYU Education Week – “Be grateful, therefore, for the gospel’s emphasis on meekness. Be careful of the natural man’s milder expressions—craving for credit and rustling for recognition. Alas, so often the hearts and even the moral agency of others can be crushed in the search for self-glorification.”

Just another ordinary miracle...

My niece called me last night and we talked for quite some time.  Her parents are divorced and she spends the weekdays with her dad and the weekends with my sister.  She's been taught by both of them that God is man-made, that people who believe in Him are delusional and hang on to false hope.  She's been weighed down with many questions and she feels as if she's in a whirlwind of opinions.  Her mind has been spinning and she's not sure what to believe.  I encouraged her to read Joseph Smith's History, and to read it several times.  I shared with her my deep love and appreciation for Joseph Smith, that he had questions like her, and that I have no doubt He was a true prophet.

We talked at length about God and His reality.  I explained to her that we don't have to understand or have all of the answers to every single detail to know very clearly that something is real.  I asked her if she could tell me about the processes each cell, synapse, blood vessel, nerve ending, and micro-organism in her body and what they were undergoing in order for her to have the ability to be talking to me at that moment.  She admitted that she couldn't and noted that even the most knowledgeable scientists couldn't with perfect understanding... yet our communication with each other was undeniable and very real.

My conversation with my niece was wonderful.  The Spirit was felt and we wept as testimonies were born.  She breathed a sigh of relief.  I was glad that she felt better and her faith had been renewed.

Just about two weeks ago I had a similar conversation with another young women as I sat at her bedside. She too has had a lot of questions about God and life in general. I suppose there are times in all of our lives where we may wonder about the reality of heaven or if God hears our prayers.  It can be especially draining to someone's faith when they have prayed for certain miracles to happen and those specific miracles never do end up happening.  They may begin to feel that God has abandoned them all together or that He doesn't really care.

I bore testimony to her too about the reality of God and how we don't have to have all the answers to know without a doubt that something is real.  I testified too that some miracles come in different ways than what we want but they are happening around us all the time.  I explained that too often we think of miracles as a "healing of something" that we lose sight of the ordinary everyday miracles taking place inside and outside of us all the time, how our heart beats, eyes see, lungs breathe and nerves feel without us even thinking about it.  We discussed a little about the scripture in Alma 30:44

This past Sunday, a gentleman spoke about the very same thing and said, "Often, when we think of miracles, we immediately picture the blind being healed so they can see or the deaf being healed so they can hear....but we don't think about all of the millions of people that could already see and hear in the first place.  Isn't that a miracle?!"  As he said that, I thought of my conversation at the bedside of this young woman a week before and I smiled.  I love it when thoughts, testimonies, and witnesses coincide like that!

A couple of days ago, I found this video and shared it with my friend.  She hasn't responded to it but I hope it serves as another witness of what I was trying to convey to her that afternoon.

God is real, I know it!  He is our loving Father in Heaven who hears and answers every prayer.  All things testify of Him.  My heart is full of gratitude for the every-day ordinary miracles!  Life is truly amazing, what an unspeakable joy I feel for the creations and testimonies I see of Him everyday!

-Alicia

"Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see." - C. S. Lewis

School: Past and Present

Sunday evening, my parents came over for dinner.  There is rarely a time when my mom visits that she doesn't bring some old item from home to unload on us...er.. I mean "gift us" with.  I usually take it graciously, force a smile, and wait until after she leaves before I throw it away.  Bless her dear innocent heart, porcelain cats and old knitted pot holders just don't fill me with interest.

This last visit, she gave me a pile of all my report cards from Kindergarten to 12th grade.  I wasn't feeling too inclined to keep any of it but decided to look through them before I made my decision.  I forgot how poorly I did in school, especially in Jr. High and High School.  My grades were terrible, (except for Theater, Art, and Peer Tutoring special ed. students... I always got A's in those classes.)  Everything else though, the teachers all said the same thing, "Alicia would do so much better if she just focused more."  "Alicia is very cheerful but she talks too much and doesn't stay on task very well."  I guess I really was a flibbertigibbet! (By the way, that word is totally legit, I looked it up.)

Things changed for me the very end of my Jr. year.  That's when I read The Book of Mormon for the first time on my own. It was a huge pivotal experience for me. It made my last year of high school completely different.  I absolutely loved Seminary every year but my Senior year was the best because of my new habit of studying The Book of Mormon.  I decorated my bedroom with reminders of eternal truths and my room became a sacred place for me, my little sanctuary, my refuge from the troubles in my family and pressures at school.  Overall my grades improved... I could focus more and I stayed on task better.  I attribute it all to having a greater measure of the Spirit in my life.  I look back at the experiences that unfolded as a direct result of daily scripture study.  It was miraculous!

When it came time to graduate, my cumulative scores never would have landed me in a fine university and  I had to settle with the community college. While there, I served on the Institute Council and applied to be an EFY Counselor at BYU.  I thought, "maybe if I can't go to BYU as a student, I could at least have an experience working there with youth."  I didn't make it in.  I'm pretty certain it was because I still had a lot of growing up to do.  I think I was too awkward and immature... probably still too much of a fliberty thingy. (and that's not a word.)

Now, here it is 2015, and I'm trying to get in as a student at BYU.  I'm a little late in trying but hopefully I'm a little more ready now. I'm so anxious to know if I'll get accepted into their Communications Program.  This "waiting on the Lord" is killing me!  If I get denied again, I'm going to be so terribly sad (I'm not going to lie.)  But I'll do some homework, make some adjustments, and I'll apply again.  Because, even though I'm still a little awkward and immature, there is one thing I have learned through the years and that is... I don't quit!!  I am focused this time, my eyes are fixed on exactly what I want and I'll do whatever it takes to get there.

 

1995-96 Getting ready for school in my room / sanctuary.

-Alicia

Be Thou My Vision

I believe there are pivotal stages and transitional ages, as we grow into maturity: Birth (0), the age of accountability (8), the age of adolescence (12), and the transition into adulthood (18).

As a mother, it is absolutely fascinating for me to watch my children move through different phases of their lives.  In an effort to capture these moments and help my children hold them sacred, I write each of them a special letter at each stage.  I do so to help them have a vision for who they are and the gifts they have been given.  I call these letters their "Mother's Blessing".

The year my oldest turned eight, my husband and I discussed that we not only wanted a vision for each of our children at these stages but a vision for our family as a whole.  We decided to write a mission statement of who we are and what it means to be a part of the Rawlins Team.  We refer to our family as a team a lot to help our children understand the importance of unity. We want them to understand that we work with and for each other, not against or in isolation.  We want our children to steer clear of competition among themselves and instead establish the habit of cheering for each teammate.  This is why the first line of our mission statement is, "We are a family of sincere listeners who champion each other."

I've been thinking of another line in our mission statement lately. "We choose to find the good in others and in ourselves, remembering always 'The worth of souls is great in the sight of God.'"

What does it mean to find the good?  Does it seem like a simple task?  Sometimes our vision gets cloudy and it is hard to see others with an eye of optimism and we fall into the destructive trap of nagging cynicism.  Now, there are times, especially as parents where it is absolutely essential we give correction or where something may need to be said to a spouse.  These things have to be done delicately and always in the spirit of love and prayer.  I've had plenty of moments in my life where I've had to apologize immediately for my poor way of correcting.

I firmly believe though that we will ultimately find what we look for.  If we look for faults in others, we will find them.  If we look for strengths and beauty, we will find them.  It is our choice!  "We choose to find the good..."

President Gordon B. Hinckley has said, "My plea is that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight.  I am suggesting that as we go through life, we 'accentuate the positive.' I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generouly compliment and endorse virtue and effort."

Whenever I read this quote, I can't help but think of the story in John where Jesus heals the blind man.  Perhaps it is because with my mortal limitations and my weaknesses, I don't always see the good.  I become blinded by my pride, I become too focused on myself, or what I deserve.  In these moments I pray, "Dear Father, please open my eyes, heal me of my blindness, help me to see what I am not seeing.  Give me a new heart, a fresh vision outside of myself.  Please give me eyes to see.  Help me to focus on the good."

This Sunday in our church choir we are singing the old Irish hymn, "Be Thou My Vision".  We will only be singing verses 1, 2, and 5.  I wish we could find an arrangement for verses 3 & 4 too because I love all the words to this entire hymn.


This song is my prayer!  It articulates the deepest desires of my heart.

"Be Thou My Vision"

1.  Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

2.  Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

5.  High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

...............

3.  Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

4.  Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

.............

-Alicia