Count On Me

A few times a year, I drive 45 min. north to pick up my 17 yr old niece from her dad's house to stay with us a few nights.  My kids begin jumping out of the doors of the car before I can even put it in park as they see Alexa coming down the apartment stairs.  They love it when she stays with us.  She's like a big sister to them.

Ever since she was three and her parents divorced, Alexa has spent many weekends with us. I've watched her as she's been dragged through so many relationships.  It's been difficult as her mother has moved from one boyfriend to the next (and one girlfriend when my sister tried an alternative lifestyle).  Both of Alexa's parents are very opposed to the teachings of the Church and openly express their reasoning why.  She has been raised with a steady diet of skepticism and anti-religion/anti-God sentiments.  I guess you could could say she's been planted in a "poor spot of ground." (Jacob 5:21-22)  But despite this fact and despite all odds, she has kept her senses about her and has searched for truth.  She has a firm belief in God and an innate desire to follow Him.  She has proven strong and spiritually aware through all these years.  I'm so thankful for the example she has been to my children of resilience, cheerfulness, and meek-like confidence.  I have grown so close to her, she has won my heart, and is definitely a part of me. I like to call her my "fifth child." I couldn't be more proud of who she has become.

Last summer, I had the opportunity to take Alexa with me to Texas to visit my younger brother.  One of the days we were there, we strolled through a gift shop.  In the corner of the room stood one of those metal spinning displays...  You know the ones with fridge magnets of boys and girls names attached to their meaning below?  I looked for each name in our little family and searched for Alexa's too.
I discovered Alexa is short for Alexandra and means "Helper of Man".  Excitedly I waved the little card at her and said, "Hey, did you know your name meant this?"
"No" she responded as she read the description in her hand.  "That's really cool!"
"Yeah it is! Because that's totally who you ARE!"
My brother interrupted, "You know, Alicia, I'm the one who named her?"
I smiled, "You did?"
"Yeah, when she was born, I told them they should name her Alexa and they did."
"How cool is that?! You chose well, Kenneth, because this fits her perfectly!"
He agreed.

Alexa stayed few nights with us this past April.  It was the usual routine of picking her up from her dad's and my kids leaping out of the car in excitement to see her.  She dished out multiple hugs and kisses and then hopped into the front seat next to me.  We hit the road back to my house and played for each other our latest and most current favorite song.
I'm not sure how legal it is to be behind the wheel breaking out in full dance moves while cruising 75 mph down the interstate but... well...  we were having fun.  ;)
Laughing at one another's expressions and singing at the top our lungs, we savored the moment!
Alexa scrolled through her playlist as she hooked up her cell phone to my stereo, "check this one out" she said.
I loved it instantly and it became a new favorite of mine.
I think I have a thousand favorites. ;)

-Alicia

Friendship,Faith, and Love

Sonya is tall and slender with dark blond hair past her shoulders.  She has the most beautiful blue eyes and a smile that couldn't be more perfect in the magazines.

Sonya and I met during my sophomore year in high school.  We had a drama class together.  That class was cake for her because she was the queen of performance!  You could put any piece of music in front of her and she could not only play it out beautifully with the piano, she also had an angelic voice with perfect pitch and tone to match.  She was naturally animated too, her expressions and mannerisms seemed to be as if she was always on stage.  Needless to say, she had the star role in every one of our high school performances; Steel Magnolias, Guys and Dolls, Bye Bye Birdie, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat, and The Curious Savage.

After high school graduation, I moved in with Sonya's family due to some difficulties going on in my own home.  Her parents, Catherine and Tom, took me in as one of their own, they were wonderful to me! Catherine was a piano teacher for many years, one of the very best.  I could see where Sonya got her musical gifts.  Her sister, Maren, was musical too, a gorgeous opera singer and ballet dancer, as feminine and finespun as a woman could be.  

I remember one day Sonya's dad, Tom, was helping me fix the fuel pump in my car.  I walked through the back door of the house with black and greasy fingers as I made my way over to the kitchen sink.  Maren eyed my hands in horror as she gasped, "How can you stand all of that filth on your fingers?"  

"I had fun," I said as I scrubbed, "Your dad is teaching me a lot."

"Oh, I could never do that!" She poised herself in a ballet-like form and sighed, "I... am a delicate flower."

I laughed out-loud!
I had never heard anyone refer to themselves as a "delicate flower" before and it caught me off guard.  How ridiculous it seemed. I guess I never really cared for nicely manicured hands, especially when it meant getting them dirty from learning something new.

"Oh Maren, you crack me up," I said "Of course you are.  And you never have to change." I patted her endearingly.  

Maren laughed her unique laugh that always made me smile. It almost sounded operatic, so fitting for her personality.

Aw, Maren.... she was awesome.

One afternoon Sonya rushed excitedly up the stairs  into our bedroom and showed me a quote she just discovered. (She knew I loved collecting them.)  

"Look at this one, Alicia.  You're gonna love it!"  She read to me from a little 3x5 card;

"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul. - Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"Isn't that awesome!" she said. "Let's put it on the mirror in the bathroom and memorize it!"

"Okay!" I agreed wholeheartedly.

Our intention was to use it as our motto to pep us up as we prepared to go out and serve full-time missions.  There was no chance, no destiny, no fate that would stop us from going out into the white and ready field!!!  I met my husband the month before I turned 21 and married him 16 weeks later...so... I guess I wasn't all that "determined" to be a sister missionary. 

I grew to love everyone in Sonya's family.  I also learned that there is no such thing as a perfect home, no matter how ideal it looked on the outside.  Overall, the memories there will always be sweet to me. 

Sonya and I have kept in contact through the years.  She lives in Oregon now and whenever she comes home to visit she gives me a call or stops by my place.  She's much better at keeping touch than I am.  

One particular visit about seven years ago, she confided in me about some struggles she was having in her marriage.  

I referred her to some of my favorite Elder Holland talks and then said, "You know, we are always told to be more Christ-like, to do as He would do, to love like the Savior loved.  And truth be told, sometimes that is harder for me to grasp  I guess because I AM so far from perfect.  I don't know how to be like Him.  But I DO KNOW what it feels like TO LOVE HIM.  I mean, look at the scripture in Matthew for an example,"

"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these... ye have done it unto me."- Matt 25:40

"Maybe Christ is telling us this  because He knew the concept of 'being like Him' would be hard for most of us to grasp? 

For me, it seems easier to know 'what to do' if we imagine everyone around us as if they were Him.

 What would we say?  How would we act?  

Christ's love changes us.  You see... because we are loved by someone so incredibly amazing, so unbelievable, how could it not change us?

Love is powerful!  Think about it... When you fall in love, you would do anything and everything for the very best interest of that person.  You would serve them and care for them willingly, most gratefully.  You would strive to be your very best self around them and would never want to harm or hurt them in any way.  

Now, what if you took that energy and treated everyone around you as if they were the 'one you loved'?  Can you imagine the impact?!!"

My friend and I talked back and forth about this concept, and she grew more and more excited to put it into practice. 

A year later, when she came to visit again she said, "You know, Alicia, that time you told me about loving everyone as if they are Christ instead of trying so hard to be like Christ was really freeing for me.  It just made more sense, so much easier to comprehend that way!  And it has been working." 

It was wonderful news to hear.

I've been thinking a lot about this concept. I resolve to put it into practice more:

How differently would I treat my spouse, my children, my neighbors, or the stranger on the street if with each of them, I imagined the Savior?  What if in every situation I "did unto others... as I would do unto Him"?  

What a force for good it could be!!

"We have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear....
..We love him, because he first loved us." - 1 John 4:16-19

Because He Lives and Loves

My peace, my hope, my healer, and friend,

Author and finisher of my faith to the end,

Savior through Thee, I see heaven's view,

Truth breathes in life, my spirit made new,

The grace of Your love flows in my veins,

As my heart sings out, "My Savior Reigns!"

-Alicia Rawlins

Today I celebrate you!

To my dear children,

I know Mother's Day is meant for celebrating and giving thanks to our moms.  But I want you to know that I should really be the one who is celebrating.  Yes, I made you but you are the ones who made me a mother!  I spent some time reading through the letters I wrote when each of you were born. It filled me with tremendous gratitude.  My love never divided as each new child came into my life, it only grew and so much more than I ever anticipated.  That's how true love works you know, always growing, always multiplying, never ever dividing!  What a blessing you have all been to me! Nothing brings me greater joy than to see you develop your awesome personalities and talents, to see you learn to live and love the Gospel, to see you learn your independence and willingly choose the good.  I'm just so proud of each one of you.  Thank YOU!  Today I want to be the very best mom I can be because you've brought my life such happiness!

"Angel From Heaven"

Your tiny hand,

Holds mine so sure-

Your precious hand,

So clean and pure.

With all your trust,

You cling to me-

No worries or cares,

Of what might be.

A light in the dark,

A shining star,

An angel from heaven,

Is what you are.

This joy I feel,

I can't express;

you've brought my life

Such happiness.

I have more

Than riches told;

Your tiny hand,

In mine I hold.

By, Alicia Rawlins

2003

- Alicia

Start Out Walking and Learn to Run

I have 23 unfinished posts just sitting on my draft board.  So many thoughts and yet I struggle sometimes to organize them comprehensively.   I'm running out of time to write as I get back into the saddle of school again.  Since I started last Monday with my first homework assignment, it has been a race against the clock to fit it all in along with trying to make sure things are picked up around the house, meals are made, the kids get to appointments, I help them with school and play with them a bit.  I just hope I'm giving my children enough of me especially when I feel spread so thin.  I have very little sleep.  I'm pretty tired but I'm not complaining... This is an exciting time in my life.

My little Micah turns 10 tomorrow (I guess today, It's past midnight here) and Miriam is already 12. Those two can entertain one another for hours with their ingenious creations and whimsical stories.  I often think to myself if anything were to ever happen like a financial crisis and we lost everything we owned, those kids would be perfectly happy entertaining one another with sticks, rocks, dirt, and a little water for some mud.  Miriam has always loved to play in mud.  I hope they never lose that sense of contentment, it will serve them well throughout their life.

It's amazing how fast they are growing up.  I watch the home movies of my children when they were babies and I miss their tiny voices and disconnected sentences.  I miss falling asleep with their warm little infant bodies snuggled on my chest, the weight of them pressing into me and filling all the voids within my heart.

I suppose I'm still a new mom.  More experienced mothers would say to me, "Oh just you wait.  You think time has gone by fast now, it goes even faster." I don't doubt it, I believe them.  Days are hours, weeks are days, months are weeks, and years are months.  It's strange.  Our time on this earth really is so short.

I wonder if we will watch old home movies of our lives here when we are in heaven?  I think I'd like that.  I wonder if I'd play back all the scenes that made me laugh until my stomach hurt. Which events would be my favorite?  What would I see as most important and would it be what I value now?  Would I fast-forward through the hardest parts or would I slow them down to see how they were the very tools that were carving and shaping the beautiful?

Life is interesting.  I'm so thankful for it.  I feel so blessed.  I have a good life, a very good life, far greater than I could ever deserve.  Sometimes, I feel like shouting "hallelujah" for all I have!  And even when this life is over, it's only the beginning.

Well, it's late.  I should get some sleep.... an imperative I often forget I need. But before I do... I might just plug in my head phones and listen to one of my old-time favorites before I rest my head.

We've only just begun to live
White lace and promises
A kiss for luck and we're on our way
(We've only begun)

Before the risin' sun, we fly
So many roads to choose
We'll start out walkin' and learn to run
And yes, we've just begun

Sharing horizons that are new to us
Watching the signs along the way
Talkin' it over, just the two of us
Workin' together day to day
Together

And when the evening comes, we smile
So much of life ahead
We'll find a place where there's room to grow
And yes, we've just begun

Sharing horizons that are new to us
Watching the signs along the way
Talkin' it over, just the two of us
Workin' together day to day
Together
Together

And when the evening comes, we smile
So much of life ahead
We'll find a place where there's room to grow
And yes, we've just begun

-  The Carpenters

A Wise Investment

One of the biggest lies and falsehoods ever told to man is that you can buy anything in this world with money. But pure love is far richer than pure gold and it cannot be bought, neither can it be sold.  Pure love, like precious metals, can be discovered and refined on this earth but not exchanged from hand to hand only from heart to heart.  The wise understand the value of this commodity, because the purest love brings the purest joy.  It is not found in the stock market but in the investing, the exchanging, and the returning of Eternal bonds among our brothers and sisters, our mothers and fathers, our children and grandchildren. The truth is, if you spend your life chasing things that only money can buy: fashion, popularity, pleasures, and praise...  you will not only come up empty handed in the end, but empty hearted.

The purest love = sacrifice, especially that of one's self

-Alicia

"A selfless person is one who is more concerned about the happiness and well-being of another than about his or her own convenience or comfort, one who is willing to serve another when it is neither sought for nor appreciated, or one who is willing to serve even those whom he or she dislikes. A selfless person displays a willingness to sacrifice, a willingness to purge from his or her mind and heart personal wants, and needs, and feelings. Instead of reaching for and requiring praise and recognition for himself, or gratification of his or her own wants, the selfless person will meet these very human needs for others. Remember the words of the Savior as he taught his disciples on an occasion when personal recognition was being sought: “But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, … whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. For even the son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:42–45.)
- H. Burke Peterson - Selflessness: A Pattern for Happiness

Learning CharACTer

When working through difficulties or particular challenges, how often have we heard the phrase, "This will be good for you, it builds character."

What is character?

It is the sum of the soul.  It is the qualities and attributes that make up one's personality, who they truly are. It is character that determines destiny, NOT appearances, prestige, popularity, or circumstance.  

How is character reveled within each of us?  Martin Luther King taught, "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."  

In Lectures on Faith, Joseph Smith described that one of the three things "necessary in order that any rational and intelligent being may exercise faith in [the Father and Son] unto life and salvation is a correct idea of [Their] character, perfections, and attributes:" (page 33)

How do we gain a correct idea of the character of Christ?  We observe and study His life and His teachings... but there's more to learning than just studying, it must also be by faith. - D&C 109:7

"Faith is a principle of action... Faith in Jesus Christ is the first principle of the gospel and is more than belief, since true faith always moves its possessor to some kind of physical and mental action."

 -Bible Dictionary 

There's an old saying that you never truly understand a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes.  In order to understand the character of Christ, we must "walk a mile" in His shoes, we must try to be like Him in whatever circumstances.  Learning to walk in the footsteps of the Savior doesn't happen overnight.  The Lord is patient with us just as a father is patient with his children when they attempt to take their first steps.  Every time they stumble, he encourages them to keep trying and his heart is overjoyed with every success.  It requires constant effort and God is proud of all who are sincerely and genuinely doing their best.   

Learning the character of Christ requires acting out what we learn.  And in order to "act" out what we have learned from our great Teacher, we must be given circumstances that test us and try us.  Because of this knowledge, I am grateful for the challenges that confront me.  Challenges are opportunities for me to exercise my agency, to practice in faith/action what I have learned by study.  

Learning the CharACTer of Christ comes from acting as He would act, from practicing over and over what He would do.   

I am genuinely grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who is incredibly patient with me.  He doesn't scorn me when I stumble but sees it as a "good fall" because he sees my heart, He sees I'm trying.  The faith He places in me stirs within my soul a greater love and admiration for His character, I have a greater desire to become as He is.  So I'll keep learning, keep practicing, keep trying, and through His amazing grace, I won't just walk, I'll run!

"Live your life to be a good example of what you believe—in word and deed. How we live our religion is far more important than what we may say about our religion.

Our Savior’s Second Coming is drawing nearer. Let us not delay in this great cause. Remember Captain Moroni, who hoisted the title of liberty inscribed with the words “In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children.”  Let us remember the people’s response: exercising their agency, they “came running together” with a covenant to act.

My beloved brothers and sisters, don’t walk! Run! Run to receive the blessings of agency by following the Holy Ghost and exercising the freedoms God has given us to do His will." 

- Elder Robert D. Hales

(Also see - The transforming Power of Faith and Character by, Richard G. Scott)

One thing I really love about this video is it's not just a loving father who encourages but also loving brothers and sisters.  How thankful I am for my brothers and sisters in the Gospel who cheer and inspire me every step of the way. Oh how I love them!

-Alicia

Spiritual Awareness

I just finished reading the story of Alma and his bretheren. As I reflect back on these chapters I think of  Alma 17:2-3. I love the description of what united these friends in the Lord so deeply, "they had waxed strong in the knowledge of the truth; for they were men of a sound understanding and they had searched the scriptures diligently, that they might know the word of God.  But this is not all; they had given themselves to much prayer, and fasting; therefore they had the spirit of prophecy, and the spirit of revelation, and when they taught, they taught with power and authority of God."

1. They came to know truth and also understood it.  This implies they received it with both mind and heart.

2. They searched the scriptures diligently.  This includes the scripture that we call the "words of the living prophets".  D&C 68:4

3. They gave themselves to much fasting and much prayer.  Sincere prayer and fasting causes one to wax stronger and stronger in their humility and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ  - Heleman 3:35

I believe these three steps were so interwoven into the hearts of these young men that they didn't have to remind themselves to do any of them.  Doing such was not a duty but a privilege, it was their sincere desire and they delighted in it!  Such habits and attitudes among them created a strong "spiritual awareness."  Regularly applying these things enabled them to have the spirit of revelation, to perceive and foresee that which is unseen by the natural man. And when they taught, it was more than words because "they taught with power and authority of God."

In the various roles I play in life, mother, sister, wife, friend, teacher, student, etc. many things clamor for my time and attention.  It can be difficult to find balance or to know exactly where best to spend my energy.  I tell my children that my love is never divided among them, only multiplied.  But because we live in a sphere governed by minutes and hours, my time is divided among them.... So I pray for wisdom in how I use it.

I don't always know from day to day how I'm going to accomplish everything that requires my time and attention.  I just know that if I stick to these three basic things that Alma and his friends did, the Spirit will give me an awareness of that which matters most.  And usually those things which matters most are NOT the things that obtrusively ring in my ear.  Rather it is the quiet whisper that says, "Stop what you are doing for five minutes Alicia and just attentively listen to your child."  It's that nudge that says, "Walk to your next appointment instead of drive this time."  Or maybe the Spirit says "put down all your dinner preparations and greet your husband when he arrives home from work, just hug him for three or four uninterrupted minutes."

I really think in today's complicated world we underestimate "the small and simple things."  I don't know if it's balance we need so much of, as if God expects us to juggle everything thrown at us like circus performers.  I believe it's wisdom we need more of, more spiritual awareness to guide us to those things that matter most.  Ezra Taft Benson taught this wonderful truth, “When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.”

"Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." - Thomas S. Monson

- Alicia

Transitional Characters

Marco is a very bright young University student from Mexico. He was raised by a single mom and admitted the difficulties he has been through without a father in his life.  We sat by each other at a United Families International event last week.  The presenter spoke about fathers and how important they are in society as a whole.  As Marco heard the definition of a "transitional character",  he leaned over to me and said, "That's what I want to be."
I smiled and responded, "It looks like you are becoming one already."

"A transitional character is one who, in a single generation, changes the entire course of a linage.  The individuals who grow up in an abusive, emotionally destructive environment and who somehow find a way to metabolize the poison and refuse to pass it on to their children.  They break the mold.  They refute the observation that abused children become abusive parents, that the children of alcoholics become alcoholic adults... Their contribution to humanity is to filter the destructiveness out of their own linage so that the generations downstream will have a supportive foundation upon which to build productive lives." (Broderick, 1988, p. 14)

Now Marco is not a member of my faith and there are somethings I wish I could have told him more about to be a tool for him in his life as he desires to be this "transitional character", to be a good father and good husband someday.  But in my trip to the United Nations, we weren't supposed to proselyte, so all the more I wanted to say I couldn't.  I wished I could have given him a "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet and directed him to the chapters, Entertainment & Media and Sexual Purity.  I sometimes wonder how often these things are taught in other religions.  It's so vital!  He will need to understand these things if he wants to be a good husband and father.

A few nights ago I drove a young 16-yr. old girl home from a youth activity.  We talked for nearly an hour as she described to me her broken life and how completely exhausting it is to be pulled and torn between the arguments of her separated parents and used like their pawn.  They haven't learned to communicate decently, let alone effectively.  Like 3-yr. olds they are constantly dragging her in as a third party to be the other's advocate.  Both parents are very toxic.  I encouraged her to be brave, that in the situations that do not involve her she must learn to repeat, "I'm sorry but this is not my issue, this is yours.  You need to work this out between each other.  I have to stay out of it."

Then I asked her a question, "Do you believe you can learn from your parents poor behavior."
"I can learn what NOT to do" she said.
"Very good! That's exactly right," I agreed.  "You can be a transitional character, a chain-breaker.  You can refuse to be a part of the statistics and say in your mind, 'all of this ends with me.  I'm not passing this down to my children!' Next time your parents fight and scream at each other, I want you to pay close attention to the kinds of words they use, the tone of voice, and those things that seem to escalate the arguments.  Write them down if you have to and tell yourself, 'I'm going to practice the exact opposite of these things.'  Refuse to be pulled into their childish bickering. It's not right and it's not fair to you."

I encouraged her to call me if she needed a friend to talk to, any time, day or night. Ultimately though, I testified that the most important Person to call upon is our Father in Heaven.  I testified to her of prayer and how it has gotten me through so many dark days.  My life growing up wasn't near as difficult as hers is but there were many times during my teenage years where I felt frustrated, heartbroken and completely alone. I wanted so desperately to feel security in my own home but instead everything felt raw and vulnerable, as if something could shatter at any given moment.  I learned to cry to my Father in Heaven, to pour out my soul to Him and lay out every piece and fragment of my heart.  He answered my prayers.  He showed me LOVE and in a miraculous way His love seemed to fill all the voids, the gaping wounds, the fractures, and holes in my soul.  I became a new person through Christ.  He changed me, He transitioned my character! He became my Father and I found in Him, I could do all things.  I told my young friend that she is not meant to carry this weight alone and encouraged her to make the choice daily to turn to her Eternal Father and she would have everything she could possibly need through life.

"Know then that every soul is free,
To choose his life and what he'll be"
- Hymn 240

- Alicia

As a "Keeper of the Hearth"

"I know of no better answer to [the] foul practices that confront our young people than the teachings of a mother, given in love with an unmistakable warning... No one can calculate the tremendous force for good that you can become. You are the keepers of the hearth. You are the managers of the home...I charge you to stand tall and be strong in defense of those great virtues which have been the backbone of our social progress." - President Gordon B. Hinckley

One of the biggest threats to the family is the devastatingly destructive drug of pornography.  If we as mothers are to be "the keepers of the hearth" we must educate our children about this pernicious evil.  Mothers and fathers must be vigilant in filtering the images and messages that come into their homes through music and media and help their children choose wisely.

"You live in a world of terrible temptations. Pornography, with its sleazy filth, sweeps over the earth like a horrible, engulfing tide. It is poison. Do not watch it or read it. It will destroy you if you do. It will take from you your self-respect. It will rob you of a sense of the beauties of life. It will tear you down and pull you into a slough of evil thoughts and possibly of evil actions. Stay away from it. Shun it as you would a foul disease, for it is just as deadly." -  President Gordon B. Hinckley

Each time a person chooses to view pornography, it eats away at their true identity and the true identity of others, especially those closest to them.

"Research has found that after men are exposed to pornography, they rate themselves as less in love with their partner than men who didn’t see any porn. On top of that, another study found that after being exposed to pornographic images, people were more critical of their partner’s appearance, sexual curiosity, sexual performance, and displays of affection"
 - See more at: http://fightthenewdrug.org/porn-kills-love-2/#sthash.PPxsfbtR.dpuf

It's interesting to me that in a society, where their is so much spouse and child abuse, we have these extremely well-funded agencies and organizations that insist on pushing what they call "sexual rights".  They go so far as to DEFEND the multi-billion dollar porn industry under this "right". These people have no interest in parental rights and  they refuse to defend or protect the traditional family, and in fact see it as a threat.  They insist the solution is in teaching "safe sex".  Imagine the difference these organizations could make if they focused on educating abstinence before marriage and fidelity after.

These things are extremely agonizing and difficult for me to think about.

I find strength and hope to see their ARE groups and organizations coming together in a coalition to make the truth be told.  I pray for the youth of this world, for the fathers and mothers.  I pray for a return to virtue, human dignity, and responsibility.
- Alicia

2015 - 20th Anniversary

This is the year we celebrate the 20th anniversary of The Proclamation to the World about the family.  Interestingly, it is also the year that the UN celebrates the 20th anniversary of the Beijing Platform.

The first document to the world describes our Divine identity as women, and the beautiful role we play in our families. The second document sees motherhood in a negative light and seeks to dismantle our role in the family.

"In the preliminary document for the Beijing +5 Conference in 2000, one of the stated obstacles to human rights (translation: abortion on demand and same-sex marriage) was the "...persistence of traditional and stereotypical attitudes."
   In the section on Woman and the Media, there was language stating opposition to the 'negative images of women; and stereotyped portrayals;' (translation: mothers).  The women at this conference were urged to target journalists and media specialists, media associations, educational and training institutions to promote balanced and non-stereotyped portrayals of women." - Susan Roylance (Mothers & Fathers Defending Marriage and Family in the Halls of the U.N.)

Simply stated in "UN Beijing platform language" - "motherhood" and "traditional family" are bad words and damaging stereotypes and must be done away.

"In the gathering storm over defending marriage, the weather-vane pointing to our future is oscillating wildly.  Our destiny as a society will depend on whether we can protect our most fundamental social institution: marriage and the family.  As citizens of a democratic republic, we need not be at the mercy of judicial winds.  We can control our destiny!" - Richard G. Wilkins (Author of 'A Sacred Duty')

So how do we defend our most fundamental institution? The answer is simple.  We start in our own homes.  We seek to do all we can to strengthen our marriage and our relationships with our children, to build our home on a foundation of faith and trust in God. We embrace the complimentary unique and different roles of husband and wife. We always work with and for each other and never against. We strive to practice patience, kind words that build and uplift, habits that nurture and invite the Spirit.  We must be vigilant in safeguarding and monitoring closely the amount and content of media diet being fed to our minds and our family.  Wise mothers and fathers do not allow the rivers of filthy water to flow through the airwaves of their home.  They constantly ask themselves, "what is being taught" and "how is it being received".  Wise mothers and fathers seek the Spirit of the Lord in all they do through constant daily prayer and scripture study.

The Prophet Joseph Smith appeared to Brigham Young in a vision and said, "Tell the people to be humble and faithful and sure to keep the Spirit of the Lord and it will lead them right. Be careful and not turn away the small still voice; it will teach [you what] to do and where to go; it will yield the fruits of the kingdom. Tell the brethren [and sisters] to keep their hearts open to conviction so that when the Holy Ghost comes to them, their hearts will be ready to receive it. They can tell the Spirit of the Lord from all other spirits. It will whisper peace and joy to their souls, and it will take malice, hatred, envying, strife, and all evil from their hearts; and their whole desire will be to do good, bring forth righteousness, and build up the kingdom of God. Tell the brethren [and sisters] if they will follow the Spirit of the Lord they will go right."

Malachi teaches about turning our hearts to our fathers and the most important Father we should turn to is our Heavenly One.  We are His children and His heart has been turned to us from the very beginning.  He loves us with an immeasurable and powerful love!  "We love Him because He first loved us." As we rightfully make Him first in our lives, everything else will fall into its proper place.  I know this. I trust this with my whole soul!

The Family Proclamation declares this irrefutable truth, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

The solutions of the world are not found in the works of the flesh, in the intellects, the philosophers, and talking heads. Show me a person who has innumerable followers, popularity, high accolades, degrees and doctorates, scholarly knowledge, who has read all the books and passed all the tests but who has never learned to care for their family, never learned to recognize and act upon the Spirit, never learned to reach beyond their obsession of self to sincerely love their neighbor, who has never learned to truly love and truly serve - and you've shown me a fool, indeed.

The Kingdom of God will crush the Kingdoms of the earth in a way that those who only see by the flesh won't be able to understand because they will not open their eyes.  The stone cut out of the mountain without hands means "without the flesh"... it will be by the power of the Spirit!  Those who have eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts that understand will not faint but with hope will listen to "the distant triumph song."

-Alicia

She Put the Music in Me

Paul teaches us to extend Christlike love to all around us because "some have entertained angels unawares." -Hebrews 13:2

Elder Holland spoke of the ministering of angels saying, "Usually such beings are not seen. Sometimes they are. But seen or unseen they are always near." 

Angels have helped guide our Father's children since our first parents were cast out of the garden of Eden. "God knew the challenges they would face, and He certainly knew how lonely and troubled they would sometimes feel. So He watched over His mortal family constantly, heard their prayers always, and sent prophets (and later apostles) to teach, counsel, and guide them. But in times of special need, He sent angels, divine messengers, to bless His children, reassure them that heaven was always very close and that His help was always very near." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland 'The Ministry of Angels'

I have thought a lot about this truth.  My dad lost his mother to breast cancer before I was born but I have always felt her spirit close to me, sensing that I know her and she in turn knows me.  And recently as I began to study more about my mom's mother, I can feel her influence and love too.  I believe with all my heart the prophesy in Malachi, that the spirit of Elijah is key in saving individuals, families, and the nations of the earth in these last days... "he shall turn the heart of the fathers [and mothers] to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers [and mothers]."

A week ago, last Monday night, I participated in a historical event with United Families International.  We had the privilege of inviting the nations of the earth to learn about the spirit of Elijah through music and testimony.  The two most receptive nations that came were from Africa and Central America.  The atmosphere in the room was powerful and there was no doubt that the numbers of people attending were far more than what we could see with our natural eyes. http://utahvalley360.com/2015/03/17/lds-women-defend-motherhood-standing-room-un-event/  Two young women sang this song I had never heard before.  It touched me so deeply, I was a bawling mess.  I worried that I wouldn't have time to compose myself before I was supposed sing in the next musical number but it all worked out.

She Put the Music in Me by, Calee Reed

It started with rock-a-bye, comforting when Id cry

All in her own style

Then popcorn before my eyes, turning frowns upside down

Into smiles

With songs of the birds up high, looking at the blue blue sky

The wind as it rushes by

Then leading me, guiding me, walking beside me she helped me

To walk in the light.

She built my house on a rock

And she lives all that she taught

And she is all that a woman should be

She put the music in me

I knew He was really there, He heard my child's prayer

Answering from up above

She gave like a little stream, I was her sunbeam

And I felt my Saviors love

I saw her kneel and pray with our family every day

Listening to each whispered word

Gentle in deed and thought, all the things Jesus taught

Following promptings she heard

She lives to search, ponder, pray

And she gives everyday

So her thanks will always be thanks indeed

She put the music in me

He made the tiny wings of each little bird that sings

In the leafy treetops up high

And all creatures great and small, I know God made them all

Because of her sweet lullaby

Shes like a star shining bright and helps me to choose the right

And she gives me the hope of a life yet to be

She put the music in me

She is so good to me, Heavenly Father sent her to me

She taught me to lift up my voice and sing

She put the music in me.

The whole event that night was incredibly memorable and powerful and it got me thinking about the promise the Lord gives us in D&C 84:88 "I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

We returned to the hotel after our amazing experience and most everyone went to bed. But my friend Kanani and I were so excited we couldn't sleep.  We stayed up late talking about the promises in Malachi and all the unseen angels in our lives.

I said to her, "I believe we have more than just our own family members as our angels on this earth.  I mean think about how we are as mothers now with our children and how we watch closely their friendships.  What happens when we see a friend come into one of our children's lives who reaches and influences them in positive way, we are immediately invested aren't we?  We do everything we can to keep that friend near our children.  So, I believe we not only have our mothers and grandmothers, fathers and grandfathers, watching over us but the mothers and fathers of our closest friends too."

Truly we have nothing to fear when the battle is fierce and we are face to face with our enemy.  The Lord can open our eyes and revel to us as He did the young servant of the Prophet Elisha. We can have no doubt of the reality of such angels in our lives.  We can stand with confidence and know with peaceful assurance, "they that be with us are more than they that be with them." - 2 Kings6:16

-Alicia

Our Youth, Our Hope

Untied Families International invited our group of women to team up with them in an event the first of its kind at a United Nations convention.  Amelia from UFI informed me over the phone, "Its going to be like one big Family Home Evening."  The time slot given to UFI by the UN just happened to be on a Monday night, how fitting. We had a few powerful musical numbers and a panel of speakers planned to share inspiring stories of their mothers and grandmothers, to inspire the spirit of Elijah.  We hoped the people would walk away with a greater desire to return home and not only strengthen their families but encourage everyone in their sphere of influence to do the same.
http://utahvalley360.com/2015/03/17/lds-women-defend-motherhood-standing-room-un-event/

Early morning prior to our "combined effort event, " we stood in line with a host of nationalities waiting for the UN gates to open so we could get our badges that would allow us entrance to the convention.
I said to my friend Jeanette, "If we want a ton of people to come tonight, now is the perfect time to invite them.  Everyone is just standing here."
"I'm with you Alicia, let's go," she said.

One by one we went about shaking hands, introducing ourselves and inviting them to our event.  Among the crowd, we met a long line of about 25 youth between the ages of 17 to 21.  From the moment my eyes met theirs and I opened my mouth to speak to them, there was a connection!  Their faces bright and their spirits radiating out so tangible, "I know these youth," I thought to myself.  In my heart I swore I had seen each of their faces before.  They listened to my invitation intently.  They were Catholic students from universities in Mexico and Ecuador (The two countries my sweet nephews are currently serving in as missionaries.) I explained that the intent our event was to awaken an awareness of the importance of faith and family. They smiled affirmatively as if I needn't say anymore.  Their mission was the same on almost every level.  It was miraculous.

I watched them attend various presentations put on by other groups, opposing groups.  These youth were not afraid to stand up and speak. I was in awe of their equanimity!  For the duration of the week we showed support by attending one another's events...  Each time meeting up, building many more great stories to be told.

It's interesting that this is the year the United Nations sets the agenda in place that will be in effect for the next 15 years.  Currently as the Post 2015 Agenda stands, there is no wording at all to protect the family.  We came here to change that and never before has the UN seen such a large presence of pro-family/ pro-faith groups.  We pray our voices will be heard.

How fitting that this group of mothers would convene with these valiant youth at "such a time as this!" It makes sense, mothers and youth - the two parts of society that are targeted and exploited more than any others are the very ones who are standing up, charging forward bold and brave at the front-lines of the battle.

I came here to the UN expecting to be weighed down with the force of opposition undermining our basic institution.  And believe me, the force is heavy and I have learned things that have forever changed my perspective, some of which are nightmares realized, horrific and frightening beyond description, things that the majority of society is completely ignorant to, things that are hard for me to explain.

But with these youth, I was lifted.  

Last night was the final time I would see them.  I embraced each one of these young men and women and thanked them for who they are, for their courage, for the light of Christ that is so evident in their eyes.  With tears of gratitude I thanked them for giving me the unexpected at this convention....

 HOPE!

 -Alicia

A Sense of the Sacred

Stepping off the subway onto the platform, we perceived that we were close.  Even though our travels left us with little to no sleep we intuitively knew that this had to be the very first part of our eight-day trip.

"Take the stairs on your right," were the instructions I recalled as I relayed them to the sisters at my side.  I kept my eyes toward the Manhattan sky as we neared the top steps that led to 66th street.  I wanted him to be the very first thing I saw... Sure enough, there he was, the Angel Moroni! What a beautiful sight!

Tears welled up in my eyes, I wished that I could stop the bustling crowds on the street, somehow halt them in their helter-skelter, take each person by the shoulders, and emphatically declare, "Do you know what this place is? Do you know what it has to offer your life? This is home! This is what I treasure and where I feel treasured, it sustains me, it gives me hope and purpose! It means the world to me, oh how I love the Temple!"

The next couple of hours were spent in reverence within the walls of our "home away from home" as we performed sacred ordinances there, prayed there, and read pages from the scriptures there.  The Spirit of the Lord was strong confirming our purpose for coming to New York and witnessing that His hand is in all of this.

The following day we had the opportunity to return for Sunday services.  They happened to be having Stake Conference and  Elder Holstrum and Elder Smith of the 70 were the main speakers. They were both inspired in their words and again we felt confirming witnesses in our purpose.

 Elder Smith spoke of feeling inadequate when he was called to the 70 and testified of the Lord's ability to qualify those whom He calls.

Elder Halstrom spoke of reverence and defined it as a deep and abiding respect and love for God, a respect and love so deep and so profound that it changes us, influences everything we do and every choice we make, everywhere we go.  He quoted the following from Elder D. Todd Christofferson:

"The importance of having a sense of the sacred is simply this—if one does not appreciate holy things, he will lose them. Absent a feeling of reverence, he will grow increasingly casual in attitude and lax in conduct. He will drift from the moorings that his covenants with God could provide. His feeling of accountability to God will diminish and then be forgotten. Thereafter, he will care only about his own comfort and satisfying his uncontrolled appetites. Finally, he will come to despise sacred things, even God, and then he will despise himself.

On the other hand, with a sense of the sacred, one grows in understanding and truth. The Holy Spirit becomes his frequent and then constant companion. More and more he will stand in holy places and be entrusted with holy things. Just the opposite of cynicism and despair, his end is eternal life." - D. Todd Christofferson (BYU Speeches 2004 A Sense of the Sacred)

As he quoted these words, I couldn't help but think of the things I held as sacred in my life; the Temple, marriage, family, motherhood, inspiring friends, scripture study, personal prayer, and the freedoms fought for me to have all these things.

I admit, these first two days here have been overwhelmingly busy, consuming every minute of the day, we get less than 5 hours of sleep each night.  But the Spirit we have felt among each other and in the preparations we have made have also been overwhelming and consuming.  What a feast it has been and what a perfect way to start out our mission!

-Alicia

To the Women of the World

I have been given the opportunity to attend the Convention on the Status of Women at the United Nation's Headquarters.  I will be taking note and observing many things that are of grave concern involving the women of the world especially the young women.

I find it interesting and of no coincidence that many of the ladies I am traveling with have recently been given callings in the Young Women's Program, including myself.  Also, my roommate will be an amazing sister who formerly served on the General Young Women's Board. I'm excited for such a privilege.

ARISE AND SHINE by, James Christensen
Young Women Holding The 8 Values and the Banner of the Temple

The reason we are going is because "Far too many corrosive social policies are being made that have direct impact over our sphere of influence. As we gather together our presence and influence will expand to make the creative changes that can grow goodness. Because we are life-affirming, we will not stand idly by as destructive changes take place (such as in national and international policies). We wish to highlight to the world that the internal power that we cultivate is indeed tremendously powerful, and what we do everyday within the walls of our homes is deeply valuable. We are united with women from all parts of the world that care, safeguard, protect, and sacrifice." 
-Carolina Allen

While there, we will seek out and network with women from all over the world who share our desire to protect and uphold the family unit, who believe in the complimentary and Divine relationship we share with men. We will stand as witnesses of God at all times, in all things, and in all places.  The proverbial banners we wave are the values we proclaim every Sunday in Young Women's written in a universal language that sisters of all faiths and nations can understand.

1.) We believe in God and are women of Faith. For many of us worldwide women. We believe in a higher power. It is what gives us our internal strength and courage as we face life's challenges. It is an integral part of our identity and it is powerful.
2.) We  embrace our life-affirming biology. To be a female means that we we have a unique and powerful life affirming anatomy. We celebrate this.
3.) We are each unique and innately worthy of respect. Every individual is worthwhile and special.
4.) We seek after wisdom and knowledge. We have each been endowed with an internal compass that when used can magnify our wisdom and knowledge for the good of humanity.
5.) We have the freedom to choose, and choose wisely. The freedom to choose is inalienable. We choose life-affirming and non-violent paths.
6.) We reach out and serve others in need. We are the innate healers of suffering, and do so with great compassion.
7.) We follow our conscience with integrity. We speak truth amidst confusion and  we follow our intuitions with faith and confidence.
8.) We cultivate wholeness and harness our creative power. Our virtue is priceless and we guard and cultivate our wholeness.

We are ready to embark! Who is coming aboard?

-Alicia


About the Painting
Arise and Shine Forth

by James C. Christensen

“Years ago I did a painting," relates Jim Christensen, called 'Virtue,' which featured a quiet and determined young woman making her way, alone, through the darkness with the light of faith to guide her. One of the things I wanted to say is that not only are our young women strong, they are not alone. They are well prepared and know how to stand for what they believe. They know how to support each other and the community. As a group they are unstoppable in their ability to reach their divine potential. There is always another group coming up behind them.”

Brightly Beams

When my younger brother joined the Navy, he went through dark periods of deep depression, all of which stemmed from a downward spiral of poor choices.  At this time in his life, I painted a picture of a lighthouse based off the hymn "Brightly Beams Our Father's Mercy".  I also wrote a poem dedicated to my brother.

I don't think he ever knew at that time that I made it all with him in mind.

A couple of days ago, Kenneth called me.  We talked for nearly 2 hrs!  I love where he is now in his life.  Everything is so much brighter!  We attend different churches but we share the same belief in God and prayer.  Of all my siblings, he is the one I can relate to most because he is religious and openly passionate about his feelings.  Both of us are not afraid to show emotion, especially when that emotion is rooted in genuine love and testimony.  It was music to my ears to hear him share with me his personal experiences with prayer lately and how the Lord is currently guiding him back to the faith he was raised in.  We laughed together, we cried together, and I wanted to reach through the phone and just hug him.  I love him so much!

Last year, I took my niece with me to Texas to visit my brother and presented him with another painting as a gift.  This was one he specifically requested. He wanted it created after the famous "Lone Sailor" statue that you see at many naval bases.  On the print made of it he requested the scripture, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."- John 15:13  I appreciate the fact that my Navy brother was born on Pearl Harbor Day... How fitting now that he has this tribute hanging in his home.

Yesterday in church, one of the hymns was "Brightly Beams Our Father's Mercy" and it made me think of Kenneth.  I thought of the lighthouse painting I dedicated to him years ago, where he was at that point in his life.  My mind flashed forward to our recent conversation over the phone and how far he has come from those dark days.  He is seeking the Lord, praying for guidance as a husband and father, wanting more than anything to create a home where his daughter can learn faith and know what it means to feel God's love.  It made me smile.  I'm so proud of him!  I am forever grateful that we have always been close.  It's amazing how such a deep bond has only grown stronger and stronger through all these years.

I made a little slideshow for his birthday last year.  I love to watch it and contemplate the years we've had and the years we will have together.

-Alicia

Marriage Family and Responsiblity

"Our individual responsibility is to learn what we should learn, to live as we know we should live, and to become what the Master would have us become." - Elder David A. Bednar

One of the articles in Elder Bednar's book, "Increase in Learning" is a copy from his talk "Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan." This talk is based on the timely and inspired declaration, The Family: A Proclamation to the World.

"Today we are engaged in a war for the welfare of marriage and the home, in my latest reading of the Book of Mormon I paid particular attention to the ways the Nephites prepared for their battles against the Lamanites. I noted that the people of Nephi 'were aware of the intent of [their enemy], and therefore they did prepare to meet them' (Alma 2:12). As I read and studied, I learned that understanding the intent of an enemy is a key prerequisite to effective preparation. We likewise should consider the intent of our enemy in this latter-day war." - David A. Bednar

What perfect timing it is for me to be reading these articles as I am one week away from traveling with my friends to understand a little more fully "the intent of the enemy" and to help share this inspired Proclamation with the world.

It is interesting to me that as we have prepared for this trip, many of the women in our group have made mention of more struggles at home and in their marriage than ever before. Many have felt more tension and friction within the very unit they are seeking to defend.  I feel very fortunate and blessed that I have not had this issue in my own family but I do know that when the Lord calls us to do something, and we set out to do it, "the bells of hell begin to ring" (as Brigham Young would say.)  It is absolutely crucial therefore that in these moments we dig our heels deeper in our resolve of keeping our covenants, seek the Spirit of the Lord, and give all we've got to loving more fully.

When I was sixteen I was given a Patriarchal Blessing wherein I was blessed that marriage would be uppermost in my mind and in my heart.  I feel that this has truly been the case all of my life.  I believe in giving everything I possibly have and doing everything I possibly can to keep my marriage with my husband strong and healthy, come what may, through thick and thin!  This relationship is "central to our Father's plan", upon it hinges the lives of my children, their children and their children's children for generations to come.  This is not a small thing to fight for!

Yet we can see clearly there are few in the world who understand this and they give up at the slightest sign of trouble.  Families are falling apart left and right, especially the core structure of the relationship between husband and wife, father and mother.  The effect is exactly where the Adversary wants it;  a terrible malady, a horrific epidemic of people becoming "miserable, like unto himself".

"No one would wish a bad marriage on anyone. But where do we think 'good marriages' come from? They don’t spring full-blown from the head of Zeus any more than does a good education, or good home teaching, or a good symphony. Why should a marriage require fewer tears and less toil and shabbier commitment than your job or your clothes or your car?

Yet some of you will spend less time on the quality and substance and purpose of your marriage—the highest, holiest, culminating covenant you make in this world—than you will in maintaining your ’72 Datsun. And you will break the hearts of many innocent people, including perhaps your own, if that marriage is then dissolved." - Jeffrey R. Holland - However Long and Hard the Road

Elder Bruce D. Porter has stated:
"We live in a day when the love of many, even toward their own children, is waxing cold; a day when so many people love pleasures more than God; a day when good is called evil and evil good. Those who defend the traditional family, who stand for fidelity and chastity and all that once was considered wholesome and praiseworthy are mocked and ridiculed. On the other hand, those who see no problem with fatherless homes, who advocate abortion, who fight all attempts to limit pornography, and who seek to redefine the very essence of what a family is, are praised and upheld as champions of tolerance. Truly, the world has turned upside down."

All the more reason that people of faith do not stand idly by or faint by the wayside. It is imperative that we go forward with courage in this vital cause of protecting marriage and the family, in our own homes, our own personal lives, and in the world.  I testify that it is worth every single drop of our blood, sweat, and tears!

-Alicia

Meet Dane

One thing I gained when I married into my husband's large family was tons of nieces and nephews.  The older ones are now adults and it's fun for me to grow closer to some of them through letters.  I write my nephews who are currently serving missions and my niece, Morgan, who is away at college.  They aren't big long letters, just short ones to check in on them, see how they are doing, send them some sort of encouraging words, and let them know I love them.  I don't know how well I'll be able to keep up with all of my numerous nieces and nephews as they cascade into adulthood but I'll do my best.

I have a brilliant nephew who is currently serving a mission in Quito Ecuador.  If I were to travel through time and meet Elder Neal A. Maxwell at the age of 20, I swear my nephew, Dane, would be his equal.  He is a total genius, has a brilliant mind for grasping all kinds of concepts, and profoundly gifted at writing.  He has already completed two semesters at BYU and will return there when finishes his mission.  We've joked about ending up in a writing class together or meeting each other on campus even before I got into BYU.

Dane is a very quiet guy, doesn't say much at family gatherings, mostly listens from the sidelines to conversations, is wise far beyond his age, naturally obedient, and is very kind.  I told him once that my observing him over the years has been like noticing a beautifully carved wooden music box on a mantel piece with a lock and no key.  At each family gathering, I'd notice the gorgeously intricate box and appreciated its presence there. Every time though, I'd wonder what the music inside of it would sound like if I only had the key to open it.  Year after year passed by but it remained locked tight.

In the summer of 2013 Dane moved to Provo to attend his first semesters at BYU.  We had him over a couple of times and in the course of one of our conversations, somehow, I convinced him to share with me his writings.  He hadn't shared his writings with anyone before, not even his mother!  And yet here he had given me the "key" to the music box!  When I opened it, I was completely amazed, for the "melody" I heard play was far more beautiful than I had even anticipated!  I told him how incredibly gifted he was in writing and nudged him to share with his mom.  I knew how meaningful it would be for her.

Dane is the one on the right. I bet it was hard to guess. ;)

Before departing on his mission, he gave a talk about Charity, the pure love of Christ.  He let me keep a copy of his talk. These are a couple of paragraphs from different parts of it.

"Water is a fine analogy for charity. A “selfish” body of water has no outlets, is self-contained and holds onto every drop of water it can. It stagnates and festers. Salts and sediments choke it and it grows ugly and smelly. Disease and mosquitoes breed there. In the same way our selfishness chokes and stagnates us and breeds sin and despair.  The cleanest and purest bodies of water, on the other hand, have at least one outlet where the water is poured out, given freely. Life grows there in abundance and the water is fresher and healthier in appearance and taste. Happiness and righteousness can only really be ours when we give of ourselves, sharing love and kindness with our neighbors and offering sacrifices of devotion to God. Isn’t this a wonderful paradox, that the surest way to grow more perfect is to become concerned with the perfection of others? Christ is our perfect example. He is the fountain of living waters."

"It is usually very easy for us to show love for our family and friends. It may be difficult to show love for the downtrodden and disabled, people we don’t know as well, who may not have “earned” such love or ever be able to.  And what is probably the hardest group of people to love? Our enemies. The people who have offended us, cursed us, rejected us, betrayed us, and otherwise harmed us, deliberately or unintentionally, seem to least deserve our love. But these people are the most important for us to have charity towards. “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you.” They are, I think, “the least” of the brethren Christ talks about."

 "Consider this: Who deserves scorn the least? To whom do we owe the most love? Our
Savior performed an infinite atonement for every one of us, without which none of us could never be saved. But when we falter in our faith, or turn our faces from Christ, we are holding back our love for Him." - Elder Dane Whittaker

Now Dane has been out on his mission for over a year and I get to read his beautiful writings in his letters every week.  He takes the time to write me back too. I've enjoyed very thoroughly the bond we have forged in these last couple years through the simple medium of Spirit and words.  I truly hope we get a writing class together, that would be perfect!

-Alicia

Faith of My Mothers

In the fall of 1962 in Madison, Wisconsin, my mom was introduced to the Church by a friend of hers.  My mother immediately informed her mom about this new religion she had found and my grandma instantly wanted to know more.  My mom was baptized a couple of months later along with my grandma and grandpa.

My grandma was born in 1908 and passed away in 1996.

The memories I have of my grandma are not the most favorable.  Her house smelled like moth balls and onions.  All of her furniture was covered in cat hair because of the numerous strays she'd let in.  She was very short and wore floral patterned silk dresses that emphasized all the wrong curves on her body. She had thin pursed lips and always tied her hair up tight into a bun that perfectly matched her rigid disposition.  She was staunch and stubborn, an orthodoxed bible-thumper, and a blunt little nitpicker (which would explain why my grandpa absolutely refused to wear his hearing aids.)

My cousin, Julia, and I used to entertain each other with our impersonations of the crazy things grandma would say or do, acting out her quirky gestures and facial expressions, pretending to talk without teeth and toot every time we sat down.  We would roll on the floor laughing until we cried .  It was probably not very considerate to humor ourselves at her expense, but such was the "innocence" of our adolescence.

I regret that these were really the only memories I had to hold on to when she passed away.  I remember the closing hymn at her funeral was "Nearer My God to Thee."  As an 18 yr. old, and a little more contemplative about spiritual things, during that hymn  I felt a deep sense of gratitude that she always sought to draw nearer to God, She spent a great deal of her life searching for truth, had attended many different religions, and finally found the fullness of the Gospel that fall in '62.  I felt sorry that she was gone before I had taken the time to get to know my grandma more. 

It's funny because I felt like I knew my dad's mother much better than my mom's.  My dad's mom passed away from breast cancer long before I was born so I had no personal stories of my own interactions with her, no memories of her voice or her face, her gestures or her demeanor.  I guess the only way I became acquainted with her was listening to my dad always speak of his mom.  And yet here, my other grandmother who had been part of 18 yrs. of my life, was the one I didn't really know much about.  Perhaps if I had not let her prickly nature intimidate me, I could have peeled past her spiny shell and discovered something beautiful.

I'm not sure what compelled me to yesterday but in my family history class I felt impressed to see what memories and stories I could find about her.  I found 51 memories posted on Family Search.  I knew my aunt, Naomi, was into ancestry but didn't realize she had made so much available about my grandma. I decided that this would be how I'd spent my Sunday afternoon, reading and searching as much about grandma as I could.

I find it no coincidence that today is her birthday! (something I never knew until yesterday.) Perhaps she is the one who was compelling me to turn my heart to hers.

I discovered my grandma lived in Iowa, Minnesota, New York, Georgia, South Dakota, and Wisconsin.  When she was in her late teens, she served a Baptist mission with her parents in Barbados, West Indies.  She moved to Utah sometime in the 1970's I believe.

I found out that from the day of her wedding and every day thereafter, my grandpa never made an effort to kiss her. (It's a wonder they ever had children.)  I'm sure that grandpa's complete lack of affection was something that caused her an immense amount of pain.  Perhaps this accounts for some of her bitterness.

Living through The Great Depression, she was extremely poor and only had an 8th grade education.  Despite her lack of schooling, she loved writing stories of faith in God and especially loved poetry, so did her mother (both women after my own heart).  She was bold in her witness of The Book of Mormon, something that the rest of her family grew quite irritated with and partially distanced themselves from her because of it.  But to her dying breath, she would remain firm in her testimony of the truthfulness of that book.

On Family Search I found one of the poems she used to recite.  It's beautiful and I love how it applies to my life right now! This was an exciting discovery for me.

THE WINDS OF FATE

by Ella Wheeler Wilcox 

One ship drives east and another drives west

With the self-same winds that blow;

   'Tis the set of the sails

   And not the gales

That tells them the way to go.

Like the winds of the sea are the winds of fate

As we voyage along through life;

   'Tis the set of the soul

   That decides its goal

And not the calm or the strife.

Last night, I called my mom to ask her some questions about grandma.  I asked her about this poem and she confirmed that grandma was always saying, "it's the set of the soul that decides the goal".

I was surprised to learn that out of all the grandchildren, grandma really liked visiting with me because I listened to her.  I honestly don't remember that.  Even still, I like to believe that somehow she spoke to me yesterday and I listened.  I like to believe that it was her who gave me the impression to learn more about her.  It just makes today so much more special.  Happy Birthday, Grandma!

I found this picture of grandma on familysearch.org
Helen Naomi (Cushing) Thayer age: 7

-Alicia

Be Thou My Vision

I believe there are pivotal stages and transitional ages, as we grow into maturity: Birth (0), the age of accountability (8), the age of adolescence (12), and the transition into adulthood (18).

As a mother, it is absolutely fascinating for me to watch my children move through different phases of their lives.  In an effort to capture these moments and help my children hold them sacred, I write each of them a special letter at each stage.  I do so to help them have a vision for who they are and the gifts they have been given.  I call these letters their "Mother's Blessing".

The year my oldest turned eight, my husband and I discussed that we not only wanted a vision for each of our children at these stages but a vision for our family as a whole.  We decided to write a mission statement of who we are and what it means to be a part of the Rawlins Team.  We refer to our family as a team a lot to help our children understand the importance of unity. We want them to understand that we work with and for each other, not against or in isolation.  We want our children to steer clear of competition among themselves and instead establish the habit of cheering for each teammate.  This is why the first line of our mission statement is, "We are a family of sincere listeners who champion each other."

I've been thinking of another line in our mission statement lately. "We choose to find the good in others and in ourselves, remembering always 'The worth of souls is great in the sight of God.'"

What does it mean to find the good?  Does it seem like a simple task?  Sometimes our vision gets cloudy and it is hard to see others with an eye of optimism and we fall into the destructive trap of nagging cynicism.  Now, there are times, especially as parents where it is absolutely essential we give correction or where something may need to be said to a spouse.  These things have to be done delicately and always in the spirit of love and prayer.  I've had plenty of moments in my life where I've had to apologize immediately for my poor way of correcting.

I firmly believe though that we will ultimately find what we look for.  If we look for faults in others, we will find them.  If we look for strengths and beauty, we will find them.  It is our choice!  "We choose to find the good..."

President Gordon B. Hinckley has said, "My plea is that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight.  I am suggesting that as we go through life, we 'accentuate the positive.' I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generouly compliment and endorse virtue and effort."

Whenever I read this quote, I can't help but think of the story in John where Jesus heals the blind man.  Perhaps it is because with my mortal limitations and my weaknesses, I don't always see the good.  I become blinded by my pride, I become too focused on myself, or what I deserve.  In these moments I pray, "Dear Father, please open my eyes, heal me of my blindness, help me to see what I am not seeing.  Give me a new heart, a fresh vision outside of myself.  Please give me eyes to see.  Help me to focus on the good."

This Sunday in our church choir we are singing the old Irish hymn, "Be Thou My Vision".  We will only be singing verses 1, 2, and 5.  I wish we could find an arrangement for verses 3 & 4 too because I love all the words to this entire hymn.


This song is my prayer!  It articulates the deepest desires of my heart.

"Be Thou My Vision"

1.  Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

2.  Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

5.  High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

...............

3.  Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

4.  Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

.............

-Alicia