The Art of Losing Self

The Lord calls out... “Give me all of you!!! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want you!!! All of you!! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to kill it! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them all over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self---in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart.” - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

As I “Give up [my]self... [I]will find [my] real self. Lose [my] life... [I] will save it. Submit to death, death of [my]ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of [my]whole body and in the end submit with ever fiber of [my]being... [I]will find eternal life. [As I] Keep back nothing. Nothing that [I]have not given away will be really [mine]. Nothing in [me]that has not died will ever be raised from the dead...  [As I] look for Christ and [I]will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.”  
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

-Alicia

What good are words... if we don't MOVE?!

Everyone has their opinion of what makes great music.  My favorite is the kind that not only gets me moving but points me in the right direction.  I absolutely love the feeling of discovering a new song to add to my list.  I really like this one not just because it makes me want to "bust-a-move" but because I can relate.

When I share my testimony, when I write, when I pray, when I give praise to another...  it will all be nothing more than words if I don't show it through what I do.  It is all in vain if it doesn't come from my heart.  It's so easy to "talk the talk."  But if I'm not practicing what I preach, "What good are words?"  I want to be the one who walks the walk!

It's time to move my feet, baby!

- Alicia

Make a Move

by, Royal Tailor

Mr., good intentions, 

So much I wanna do.

My mouth just keeps on running,

But I never follow through.

I heard that true religion, 

Is love with hands and feet.

I wanna find my own way, 

To reach a world in need.

I've been, captured by the unimportant.

Locked in, and now it's time to break free

There's more to life,

Open my eyes.

Someone is needing You.

So I gotta Make A Move.

What good are words,

When this world hurts.

Real faith will come through.

When I Make A Move.

We don't need permission,

To go outside of these doors.

And dream some crazy dream,

No one else has dreamed before.

To show love and compassion.

Where ever way it may be.

To put faith into action,

Do more than just believe.

We are, 

Hope to those who have been broken.

We were,

Made to make a difference, Made to make a difference.

There's more to life,

Open my eyes.

Someone is needing You.

So I gotta Make A Move.

What good are words,

When this world hurts.

Real faith will come through.

When I Make A Move.

"Ask in Faith" - Ensign, May 2008, 94-97 - David A. Bednar
"True faith is focused in and on the Lord Jesus Christ and always leads to righteous action. The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that “faith [is] the first principle in revealed religion, and the foundation of all righteousness” and that it is also “the principle of action in all intelligent beings” (Lectures on Faith [1985], 1). Action alone is not faith in the Savior, but acting in accordance with correct principles is a central component of faith. Thus, “faith without works is dead” (James 2:20).

The Prophet Joseph further explained that “faith is not only the principle of action, but of power also, in all intelligent beings, whether in heaven or on earth” (Lectures on Faith, 3). Thus, faith in Christ leads to righteous action, which increases our spiritual capacity and power. Understanding that faith is a principle of action and of power inspires us to exercise our moral agency in compliance with gospel truth, invites the redeeming and strengthening powers of the Savior’s Atonement into our lives, and enlarges the power within us whereby we are agents unto ourselves (see D&C 58:28)." - "Ask in Faith" - Ensign, May 2008, 94-97 - David A. Bednar

The Need To Breathe

 It is said that a dispassionate young man approached the Greek philosopher and casually said, "O great Socrates, I come to you for knowledge."

The philosopher took the young man down to the sea, waded in with him, and then dunked him under the water for thirty seconds.

When he let the young man up for air, Socrates asked him to repeat what he wanted. "Knowledge, O great one," he sputtered.

Socrates put him under the water again, only this time a little longer.

After repeated dunkings and responses, the philosopher asked, "What do you want?" The young man finally gasped, "Air. I want air!"

"Good," answered Socrates. "Now, when you want knowledge as much as you wanted air, you shall have it.

.................

I must have been about 18 or 19 when I discovered the song, "Masterpiece" by, Julie De Azevedo.  I fell in love with the lyrics because they expressed so perfectly the feelings I had in my own heart.  I listened to it so much that I could have sung it in my sleep.  This song is my soul's most sincere desire. I want to know my Father in Heaven's will for me, I want it written on my heart.  I want to become who He would have me become!!  I need this like I need to breathe.

- Alicia

.................

Masterpiece

Simple clay in a potter's hand, an empty page and an author's pen,
An artist's brush to a canvas white, and a work of art comes to life.
Marble raw, but the sculptor sees, the masterpiece that lies beneath.
Though rough and marred the Master's touch, will change this life, into his work of love.
So everyday I pray...

He'll write His will upon my heart, Mold my soul to His design,
Adding color depth and light, And polishing until I shine shine shine!
Oh my heart is in His hands, He's painting the life He'd have me lead.
Through refining floods and flames, He's smoothing edges and the seams,
And in time time time, Oh this simple life will be ....
A Masterpiece

Snowy peaks, water-color skys, His works of beauty fill my eyes
But He sees nothing more beautiful than a heart submissive to His will

I want to know His will!

So everyday I pray...
He'll write His will upon my heart, Mold my soul to His design,
Adding color depth and light, And polishing until I shine shine shine!
Oh my heart is in His hands, He's painting the life He'd have me lead.
Through refining floods and flames, He's smoothing edges and the seams,
And in time time time, Oh this simple life will be ....
A Masterpiece
My Master's Masterpiece

- Julie De Azevedo

A Sense of the Sacred

Stepping off the subway onto the platform, we perceived that we were close.  Even though our travels left us with little to no sleep we intuitively knew that this had to be the very first part of our eight-day trip.

"Take the stairs on your right," were the instructions I recalled as I relayed them to the sisters at my side.  I kept my eyes toward the Manhattan sky as we neared the top steps that led to 66th street.  I wanted him to be the very first thing I saw... Sure enough, there he was, the Angel Moroni! What a beautiful sight!

Tears welled up in my eyes, I wished that I could stop the bustling crowds on the street, somehow halt them in their helter-skelter, take each person by the shoulders, and emphatically declare, "Do you know what this place is? Do you know what it has to offer your life? This is home! This is what I treasure and where I feel treasured, it sustains me, it gives me hope and purpose! It means the world to me, oh how I love the Temple!"

The next couple of hours were spent in reverence within the walls of our "home away from home" as we performed sacred ordinances there, prayed there, and read pages from the scriptures there.  The Spirit of the Lord was strong confirming our purpose for coming to New York and witnessing that His hand is in all of this.

The following day we had the opportunity to return for Sunday services.  They happened to be having Stake Conference and  Elder Holstrum and Elder Smith of the 70 were the main speakers. They were both inspired in their words and again we felt confirming witnesses in our purpose.

 Elder Smith spoke of feeling inadequate when he was called to the 70 and testified of the Lord's ability to qualify those whom He calls.

Elder Halstrom spoke of reverence and defined it as a deep and abiding respect and love for God, a respect and love so deep and so profound that it changes us, influences everything we do and every choice we make, everywhere we go.  He quoted the following from Elder D. Todd Christofferson:

"The importance of having a sense of the sacred is simply this—if one does not appreciate holy things, he will lose them. Absent a feeling of reverence, he will grow increasingly casual in attitude and lax in conduct. He will drift from the moorings that his covenants with God could provide. His feeling of accountability to God will diminish and then be forgotten. Thereafter, he will care only about his own comfort and satisfying his uncontrolled appetites. Finally, he will come to despise sacred things, even God, and then he will despise himself.

On the other hand, with a sense of the sacred, one grows in understanding and truth. The Holy Spirit becomes his frequent and then constant companion. More and more he will stand in holy places and be entrusted with holy things. Just the opposite of cynicism and despair, his end is eternal life." - D. Todd Christofferson (BYU Speeches 2004 A Sense of the Sacred)

As he quoted these words, I couldn't help but think of the things I held as sacred in my life; the Temple, marriage, family, motherhood, inspiring friends, scripture study, personal prayer, and the freedoms fought for me to have all these things.

I admit, these first two days here have been overwhelmingly busy, consuming every minute of the day, we get less than 5 hours of sleep each night.  But the Spirit we have felt among each other and in the preparations we have made have also been overwhelming and consuming.  What a feast it has been and what a perfect way to start out our mission!

-Alicia

Must Be Opposition In All Things

I gave a lesson for the young women of my Church last Sunday.  We also used it as a family lesson the following night.  This whole month I have been thinking of the talks that were suggested in the lesson plan and the quotes that were referenced therein.

The first quote is by President Spencer W. Kimball
"There are great challenges ahead of us, giant opportunities to be met. I welcome that exciting prospect and feel to say to the Lord, humbly, 'Give me this mountain,' give me these challenges."

I asked the young women and my children the same question:
"Why do you think President Kimball wants 'these challenges'?  Notice, not only does he want them but he says he 'welcome[s] that exciting prospect'.  What is he, nuts? Why would someone call challenges exciting?"

Our current Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson shared the other thing I've been thinking of all month.  He read a portion of this poem I've heard many times before.

Good Timber

The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease:
The stronger wind, the stronger trees;
The further sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth,
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.

-Douglas Malloch

An ancient prophet in the New Testament also shared his testimony of joy and beauty through adversity, "No chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grevious: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." - Hebrews 12:11

All three of these righteous men are testifying that beautiful, "joyous", "peaceable", wonderful things come out of pressing through our opposition, through our adversity.

Joseph Smith was another who had trials I cannot even begin to fathom.
He received this promise in Liberty Jail, "if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." - D&C 122:7

It's that word, "EXPERINCE" that strikes me, what we learn, what we gain, what we come to know as we go through and faithfully endure these challenges.  These prophets who have shared the beauty that can come of opposition are speaking from their own experiences.  I believe they know what it is first hand to cry out with the most soulful tears, with heart-wrenching agony over the sorrows that dig trenches in their hearts. They know what it means to pray and to "pray more earnestly".  They have anxiously sought for answers through the scriptures and turned to the word of the Lord for guidance.  And I am certain that every one of them have in their searching for answers, hope, and healing came to appreciate more fully the One Who carried all our suffering and descended below all things.

All of these ingredients: "soulful prayer", "serious study of the scriptures," and "seeking the Savior" work in us something amazing and beautiful.  It opens up our hearts to receive His Spirit and as we receive this Spirit within us we are changed into "new creatures".  Through this process, we witness over and over again the reality of God because we see undeniable, direct answers to our prayers.  We feel and experience for ourselves the reality of heaven.  This mountain we have climbed, however painful, has opened our "vision".  We see the bigger picture now, not just for our own lives but for others as well.  We WANT to "lift up the hands that hang down and strengthen the feebled knees." We have become converted, transformed, with new eyes, a new heart, and a new Spirit within us!  Like Jacob, our faith becomes "unshakeable".

I can see clearly from my own experiences why President Kimball said, "'Give me this mountain,' give me these challenges."  Through my adversities I have come to know my Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ.  Through these trials I have gained an appreciation for the strong shoulders of my Savior.  He is able!!!  I have found that this is the way to eternal life.  This is the fruit of the tree.  And a testimony like this worth every effort for it is "sweet above all that is sweet."

I humbly thank my Father for His infinite wisdom. And I am deeply thankful that He loves me enough to provide for me opposition and challenges. I too, welcome them.

-Alicia

I give it all in surrender.

"Lift My Life Up" by, Unspoken
.......

You brought me this far so why would I question You now

You have provided so why would I start to doubt

I've never been stranded, abandoned or left here to fight alone

So I'm giving You control

I lift my life, lift my life up

I give it all in surrender

I lift my heart, lift my heart up

You can have it forever

All my dreams, all my plans

Lord I leave it in Your hands

I lift my life, lift my life up

Have Your way in me

Have Your way in me

If peace is a river then let it sweep over me

If I'm under fire I know it's refining me

When I hear You calling out I follow now wherever the road may go

I know You're leading me home

I lift my life, lift my life up

I give it all in surrender

I lift my heart, lift my heart up

You can have it forever

All my dreams, all my plans

Lord I leave it in Your hands

I lift my life, lift my life up

Have Your way in me

Have Your way in me

Take my life and let it be all for You

Take my life and let it be all for You

I lift my life, lift my life up

I give it all in surrender

I lift my heart, lift my heart up

(Take my life)

I lift my life, lift my life up

I give it all in surrender

(Take my heart)

I lift my heart, lift my heart up

You can have it forever

All my dreams, all my plans

Lord I leave it in Your hands

I lift my life, lift my life up

Have Your way with me

Have Your way with me

Have Your way with me

Have Your way with me

Take my life and let it be all for You

........

"Every one of us is more beloved to the Lord than we can possibly understand or imagine. Let us therefore be kinder to one another and kinder toward ourselves. Let us remember that as we wait upon the Lord, we are becoming “saint[s] through [His] atonement, … submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father.”^{36 - Elder Robert D. Hales - Waiting upon the Lord: Thy will be done}

So Grateful for Prayer

I can't think of any other time of day that I value and treasure more than the moments I have to kneel down before my Maker, to vocalize everything that is in my heart, to thank Him, to praise Him, to seek His counsel, His wisdom, His guidance, His direction, His forgiveness, and feel His love and peace.  God is as real to me as I am alive.  He is my Rock and my Fortress and I know He lives.

I love this Gospel and how we are taught to pray.  Personal prayer is never rote.  It is our "soul's sincere desire".  Every time I hear Elder Richard G. Scott speak about prayer, I feel like saying, "Exactly, my brother, exactly!"  His pattern of praying is truly the Lord's way.  I have experienced it for myself,  it works, it really does!

Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer
Learning to Recognize Answers to Prayer
The Power of a Strong Testimony
Trust in the Lord
How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration for Your Personal Life

Recently, I've been praying for the Lord to open my eyes and help me to feel sincere gratitude for the smallest things and to help me see all the good that surrounds me.  I've been praying for the Lord to help me embrace the here and now and the moments I am given from minute to minute.   I'm so thankful prayers are answered because I have truly felt enabled with that power.  I feel like shouting hallelujah! I am so richly blessed!

-Alicia

Knowledge > Understanding > Intelligence

I'm half-way through a wonderful book by, David A. Bednar called "Increase In Learning".  I love everything about it so far and this particular section where he speaks of "Knowledge > Understanding > Intelligence" is especially meaningful to me. In my mind he illustrates so perfectly the seed planted in the good ground in Matthew 13.

He teaches that to be fully converted and changed into "new creatures in Christ" we must move from just knowing the Gospel in our minds to feeling it and understanding it in our hearts and then when our hearts are changed,  "the glory of God" which is "light and truth" will be what we have become and intelligence will flow through us, shining in all that we do.

He says it so much better:

"You and I may know the right things to do, but intelligence involves more than just knowing.  If you and I are intelligent, we will consistently do the right things.  Knowing that the gospel is true is important, good, and necessary.  Intelligence is consistently being true to the gospel that we know.

Knowing that the principles of the gospel work in our lives is a good thing.  However, intelligence is consistently working to apply the principles of the gospel in our lives.

We may know and understand that we should be active in the Church.  Intelligence is living in such a way that the doctrines of the Church are active in us - an active and integral part of who we are, and what we are, and what we do, and what we think." 

- David A. Bednar

Jesus is the living Christ and...

"Appropriately seeking for knowledge, understanding, and intelligence is essential for each of us to become a living member of the Savior's living church."
 -David A. Bednar

Knowledge > Understanding > Intelligence  =  Mind > Heart > Action

This intelligence, this light and truth which is the Glory of God, is the evidence of true conversion.  It is a very real and visible light.  I have witnessed it for myself in the countenance of others.  They cannot hold it back, it radiates out from their entire being.  No doubt that there is nothing more beautiful in all of creation!! If "light and truth" is what we sincerely desire and seek to become, no wonder our souls long to be around such people who feel the same.  It is the natural order of heavenly law.

"For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light" -D&C 88:40

When we are converted our motives are not out of duty but out of love:  Love for His word, love of communion with Him through sincere prayer, love of serving without need of recognition, love of learning more of Him, and love of keeping and holding sacred our covenants.

May we always receive the word into our minds and hearts and let it change us into new creatures of a Celestial sphere, so that the pure light, truth, and glory of God always shines through us.

-Alicia

The Will of the Lord

It's funny how the Lord tutors...  how I can be having patterns of thought and begin to dismiss them as my own but then open the scriptures or text from a sermon and have it be exactly what I have been pondering already.  I say "it's funny" because it feels me with so much gratitude for how aware the Lord is of us that I can't help but laugh for joy.

I've been thinking a lot about adversity and pain and how they are the gateway to glory and beauty. You can't have one without the other. "There must be opposition in all things." Even last Friday night, I listened to a gentleman instruct a group of us on the compound nature of God, that even our Father in Heaven feels great love and great pain at the same moment. He sighted Moses 7:28-32 and noted that God wept because He loved so deeply, that it pained Him to see His children separate themselves from each other and from Him.

This last Sunday too, it seemed in every single sermon, someone said something that coincided exactly with my personal studies of these recent days.

Then this morning, I decided to open up the lessons in Young Women's for February.  I glanced over the topics lower down on the list since I would be teaching later in the month.  The heading "Why do we have adversity?" naturally stood out to me because it has been so present in my mind.
There, I opened to that topic, and low-and-behold, one of the talks was entitled, "Mountains to Climb". I couldn't help but smile because I had just written about that in my post from yesterday.

This kind of coinciding is not mere coincidence to me.  It's this very synchronizing and harmonizing that becomes solid evidence my prayers are heard and that "God is in His heaven and all's right with the world." - Browning

With that in mind, let me go back to my focus on struggle and adversity, hope and healing:
When we think of adversity, it's easy to imagine the kind that happens outwardly, in our physical lives: persecution, physical limitations, tragedies, illness, disease, loss of property, or loss of loved ones. This is the kind that most likely comes to our mind first.

I believe, though, that the greatest adversity we will ever struggle with is deep within our hearts, unseen to almost all around us and possibly even hidden to those we live with.  And what is this great struggle I speak of?  It is in the submission of our own will to our Father in Heaven that brings the greatest heartache.  It is in surrendering the thing that we are least willing to give up.  Letting go fully and completely what we want and desire so desperately to the realization that it may not be what the Lord wants for us.  The process of laying down "our will" may very well be more painful, more heart-wrenching, and more agonizing than the laying down to the grave our loved ones. This is bold for me to say but could it be possible?  Yes, and upon such realization, it may surprise us.  Christ gave the perfect example of full submission to the Father all throughout His life right up to the final test when the pain was so great that it caused him to be sore amazed .  He called out "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even unto death." Then with perfect humility He prayed, "Not my will, but thine be done."

We must remember it is in learning this kind of submission, learning meekness, laying down our will (what we most desperately want) and taking up instead what the Lord wants, trusting wholly and completely that He knows best. This sweet surrender is where we come to find rest to our souls. This is the essence of faith at its fullest.  Here we can be at peace knowing that God truly hears our heartfelt pleadings and will provide the very best outcome for us, whatever and whenever that may be.

In the grand design of things, there really is nothing to fear, for that which is of God is eternal and that which is bound eternally can never be broken. It is an irrevocable law of the universe. This temporal sphere is such a small sliver of what is to be seen. One day there will come the unveiling of a much greater and glorious picture.  We do not see what God sees or know what He knows.  Nevertheless, "He Knows" therefore, I pray with all of my heart and soul "Lead kindly Light... I do not ask to see the distant scene - one step enough for me."

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2000/10/lead-kindly-light?lang=eng

-Alicia

The Place of "Becoming"

I've been pondering on what I said yesterday about the place between "once upon a time" and "happily ever after", the place of "becoming".

I mentioned the parable of the ten virgins, how five became the brides to the groom and five did not. In the New Testament, I discovered 32 references to the word "become" and in The Book of Mormon, I found 91.

These are just a few examples:

"become ripened"
"become men of understanding"
"become as little children"
"become his sons and daughters"
"become high priests"
"become bright"
"become a tree"
"become as God"
"become new"

The word "become" means "to change into, to grow to be, to transform or convert".  When something has been converted or transformed, it is changed forever! There is no returning to its formal state.  A seed that has been transformed into a tree will never go back into being a seed.  

In order for us to become the bride to the Bridegroom, He must win our heart.  He must become our everything. We must want nothing more than to have Him in our life.  He must be our focus and He must have our total attention.  He must occupy our thoughts day and night and everywhere we go. We will desire nothing more than to please Him.  All of this will come very naturally if He has truly won our heart, because that is what naturally happens when love is true!

When we truly love Him, we will unite our mind with His mind, our will with His will, our soul with His soul.  We will experience a very real at-one-ment.

Sometimes this "becoming" will feel like forever, so long in fact that it will be painful, very painful. These things take time though.  Everything that is worth living and dying for takes time.  Time: is the great revealer, the glorious unveiler.  

President Boyd K. Packer has testified, "Our lives are made up of thousands of everyday choices. Over the years these little choices will be bundled together and show clearly what we value."

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "When Alma compared the word of God to a seed, he explained that the seed grows into a fruit-bearing tree gradually, as a result of our 'faith, and [our] diligence, and patience, and long-suffering.'  It’s true that some blessings come right away: soon after we plant the seed in our hearts, it begins to swell and sprout and grow, and by this we know that the seed is good. From the very moment we set foot upon the pathway of discipleship, seen and unseen blessings from God begin to attend us.

But we cannot receive the fulness of those blessings if we 'neglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment.'

Knowing that the seed is good is not enough. We must 'nourish it with great care, that it may get root.'  Only then can we partake of the fruit that is “sweet above all that is sweet, and … pure above all that is pure” and 'feast upon this fruit even until [we] are filled, that [we] hunger not, neither shall [we] thirst."

The "place of becoming" is a journey. Find joy in it, because there is a glorious destination that awaits!
-Alicia