The Art of Losing Self

The Lord calls out... “Give me all of you!!! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want you!!! All of you!! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to kill it! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them all over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self---in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart.” - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

As I “Give up [my]self... [I]will find [my] real self. Lose [my] life... [I] will save it. Submit to death, death of [my]ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of [my]whole body and in the end submit with ever fiber of [my]being... [I]will find eternal life. [As I] Keep back nothing. Nothing that [I]have not given away will be really [mine]. Nothing in [me]that has not died will ever be raised from the dead...  [As I] look for Christ and [I]will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.”  
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

-Alicia

Count On Me

A few times a year, I drive 45 min. north to pick up my 17 yr old niece from her dad's house to stay with us a few nights.  My kids begin jumping out of the doors of the car before I can even put it in park as they see Alexa coming down the apartment stairs.  They love it when she stays with us.  She's like a big sister to them.

Ever since she was three and her parents divorced, Alexa has spent many weekends with us. I've watched her as she's been dragged through so many relationships.  It's been difficult as her mother has moved from one boyfriend to the next (and one girlfriend when my sister tried an alternative lifestyle).  Both of Alexa's parents are very opposed to the teachings of the Church and openly express their reasoning why.  She has been raised with a steady diet of skepticism and anti-religion/anti-God sentiments.  I guess you could could say she's been planted in a "poor spot of ground." (Jacob 5:21-22)  But despite this fact and despite all odds, she has kept her senses about her and has searched for truth.  She has a firm belief in God and an innate desire to follow Him.  She has proven strong and spiritually aware through all these years.  I'm so thankful for the example she has been to my children of resilience, cheerfulness, and meek-like confidence.  I have grown so close to her, she has won my heart, and is definitely a part of me. I like to call her my "fifth child." I couldn't be more proud of who she has become.

Last summer, I had the opportunity to take Alexa with me to Texas to visit my younger brother.  One of the days we were there, we strolled through a gift shop.  In the corner of the room stood one of those metal spinning displays...  You know the ones with fridge magnets of boys and girls names attached to their meaning below?  I looked for each name in our little family and searched for Alexa's too.
I discovered Alexa is short for Alexandra and means "Helper of Man".  Excitedly I waved the little card at her and said, "Hey, did you know your name meant this?"
"No" she responded as she read the description in her hand.  "That's really cool!"
"Yeah it is! Because that's totally who you ARE!"
My brother interrupted, "You know, Alicia, I'm the one who named her?"
I smiled, "You did?"
"Yeah, when she was born, I told them they should name her Alexa and they did."
"How cool is that?! You chose well, Kenneth, because this fits her perfectly!"
He agreed.

Alexa stayed few nights with us this past April.  It was the usual routine of picking her up from her dad's and my kids leaping out of the car in excitement to see her.  She dished out multiple hugs and kisses and then hopped into the front seat next to me.  We hit the road back to my house and played for each other our latest and most current favorite song.
I'm not sure how legal it is to be behind the wheel breaking out in full dance moves while cruising 75 mph down the interstate but... well...  we were having fun.  ;)
Laughing at one another's expressions and singing at the top our lungs, we savored the moment!
Alexa scrolled through her playlist as she hooked up her cell phone to my stereo, "check this one out" she said.
I loved it instantly and it became a new favorite of mine.
I think I have a thousand favorites. ;)

-Alicia

"Unarmed"

In my studies this morning, I read Mosiah 20:26 where it says, "And when the Lamanites saw the people of Limhi, that they were without arms [or unarmed], they had compassion on them and were pacified towards them." I thought of this scripture in the Bible "A soft answer turneth away wrath; but greivous words stir up anger."- Proverbs 15:1

I have to ask myself, "How am I doing with my communication in my family?"  What does it look and sound like to be the kind of person whose knee-jerk reaction is to speak "unarmed"?

As I ask myself this question, I think, "Well, there are just those 'certain people' who are more difficult to communicate with than others.  They are the ones who to me seem to always be 'armed' at everyone else, as if no matter what anyone says or does they are loaded with criticism, ready to shoot insults, scathing remarks, or personal jabs."  How the heck am I supposed to communicate with those people "unarmed"?  How do I "end the conflict" and end it now?  I can't make them lay down their "weapons of war" but I can surrender mine.  Oh man, but this kind of humility for me is SO much easier said than done.

I think of Elder Wirthlin's talk from a few years ago.  It's one of my favorites:

"Each one of us will travel a different road during this life. Each progresses at a different rate. Temptations that trouble your brother may not challenge you at all. Strengths that you possess may seem impossible to another. Never look down on those who are less perfect than you.

We are all children of our Heavenly Father. And we are here with the same purpose: to learn to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

When we are filled with kindness, we are not judgmental. The Savior taught, "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven."  He also taught that "with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." 

"But," you ask, "what if people are rude?"

Love them.

"If they are obnoxious?"

Love them.

"But what if they offend? Surely I must do something then?"

Love them.

"Wayward?"

The answer is the same. Be kind. Love them.

Why? In the scriptures Jude taught, "And of some have compassion, making a difference." 

Who can tell what far-reaching impact we can have if we are only kind?

My brothers and sisters, the gospel of Jesus Christ transcends mortality. Our work here is but a shadow of greater and unimaginable things to come...

...As our Heavenly Father loves us, we also should love His children.

May we be models of kindness. May we ever live up to the words of the Savior: "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." Of these truths I bear witness in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen." 

- By Joseph B. Wirthlin, given April 2005

 I have so much to learn.  I'm grateful for another day to practice this kind of communication, this type of love, this kindness.  One of these days I'll get it down to an art.... practice, practice, practice!  I'm so thankful for a loving and patient Father in Heaven who gives me new opportunities to learn to be and do a little better than the day before.

-Alicia

Kénōsis

 I just learned in my religion class that in Christian theology, kenosis (κένωσις, ekénōsen) is  the Greek word for emptiness. It means the 'self-emptying' of one's own will in order to become entirely receptive to God's divine will.

Philippians 2:7 (KJV) says that Christ, "made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men."

In the American Standard Version it says: He "emptied himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in the likeness of men"

Christian's have long debated over Jesus's process of Kenosis.  What did it mean for Christ to "empty Himself"?  Did it mean he temporarily let go of who He was to take upon the form of man? Did it mean when  He "descended from the throne" He somehow descended in His godhood?  Of course not.  He understood His true identity and place as rightful King on earth and in heaven. His godhood and power never left Him spiritually but He gave up being recognized as such physically.

In fact, during the pinnacle crux of all human history, where His greatest "emptying" took place, is also where we see manifested the greatest and most magnificent power!!  In the Garden of Gethsemane He was emptied as He bled from every pore. (D&C 19:18) And on the cross blood and water "flowed from His side" (John 19:34)

Isaiah 53:12 also speaks of the Savior's emptying saying,"He [Christ] poured out His soul".  The highest majesty ever known was reveled through the most intense humility.

Psalms 36:9 describes Christ as "the fountain of life."  Living water "pouring out" in a constant steady flow.

Luke 8:43-48 tells another story of Christ's emptying:
"A woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any, came behind him, and touched the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched.
And Jesus said, Who touched me?
When all denied, Peter and they that were with him said, Master, the multitude throng thee and press thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?
And Jesus said, Somebody hath touched me: for I perceive that virtue is gone out of me."

Virtue had emptied out of Him.
"Virtue" here contextually means "strength."  He may have felt physically weak in that moment but He was certainly not weak in the spiritual sense.  He was "emptied" as in the context of Isaiah's illustration. The woman exercised such tremendous faith in Christ that when she reached to Him through the pressing crowd, He literally felt His body go weak from the "pouring out of His soul" to her and she was healed.

As the Savior emptied Himself, we too must empty ourselves.

Matt 16:25 teaches that when we "lose our self" we'll find ourselves.  This does not mean we lose our identity in the slightest.  In fact, as we choose to draw closer to Christ, we see our TRUE self, our Divine nature more and more defined, more clear than ever before.  What we DO lose however is the false identity, the labels and the lies the world would have us believe.

To "lose ourselves" we, like Him, must "pour out our souls".  Here, we show that He is the very center of our life, that we want Him more than anything else. As He prayed, we also pray, "Not my will but thine be done." (Luke 22:42)

In "emptying" ourselves of our own will, we "pour out" our souls, making room for Him to enter in.  This is the "whole tithe." We lay it all on the altar and say, "take it all, I surrender."  In return, He opens the windows of heaven, whether through temporal or spiritual needs, revelation, or guidance. The promise is heaven will be opened and poured out!

The New International Version of Malachi says it this way
"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it." - Malachi 3:10

I love the imagery of "floodgates!"

He will "pour out" to us as we "pour out" Him.

Think of the results that come when we open ourselves up to Him in prayer:  We pour out all our strength - He gives us His strength, pour out all our hearts - He gives us His heart, pour out all our thoughts - He gives us His thoughts.  Fully and completely submissive and receptive, we open our self up to Him, we let Him in our heart and soul, receiving Him, becoming one with Him as He became one with the Father.

"In striving for ultimate submission, our wills constitute all we really have to give God anyway. The usual gifts and their derivatives we give to Him could be stamped justifiably “Return to Sender,” with a capital S. Even when God receives this one gift in return, the fully faithful will receive “all that [He] hath” (D&C 84:38). What an exchange rate!" - Neal A. Maxwell - Consecrate Thy Performance

I testify that Christ is the "fountain of Life", His love and power is ever flowing over.  He wants to "pour it into us."  But we must first go through our own kenosis, our own 'self-emptying' in order to be open to receive Him, all of Him.
-Alicia

To Know God

"More Of You"

by, Colton Dixon

I made my castle tall

I built up every wall

This is my kingdom and it needs to fall

I want you and no one else

Empty me of myself

Until the only thing that's left is

More of You

Less of me

Make me who I'm meant to be

You're all I want all I need

You're everything

Take it all I surrender

Be my king

God I choose

More of You and Less of me

I need more of you

More of you

This life I hold so close

Oh, God I let it go

I refuse to gain the world and lose my soul

So take it all I abandon everything I am

You can have it

The only thing I need is

More of You

Less of me

Make me who I'm meant to be

You're all I want all I need

You're everything

Take it all I surrender

Be my king

God I choose

More of You and Less of me

I need more of you

More of you

All to You

I surrender

All to You my blessed Savior

I surrender all

Friendship,Faith, and Love

Sonya is tall and slender with dark blond hair past her shoulders.  She has the most beautiful blue eyes and a smile that couldn't be more perfect in the magazines.

Sonya and I met during my sophomore year in high school.  We had a drama class together.  That class was cake for her because she was the queen of performance!  You could put any piece of music in front of her and she could not only play it out beautifully with the piano, she also had an angelic voice with perfect pitch and tone to match.  She was naturally animated too, her expressions and mannerisms seemed to be as if she was always on stage.  Needless to say, she had the star role in every one of our high school performances; Steel Magnolias, Guys and Dolls, Bye Bye Birdie, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat, and The Curious Savage.

After high school graduation, I moved in with Sonya's family due to some difficulties going on in my own home.  Her parents, Catherine and Tom, took me in as one of their own, they were wonderful to me! Catherine was a piano teacher for many years, one of the very best.  I could see where Sonya got her musical gifts.  Her sister, Maren, was musical too, a gorgeous opera singer and ballet dancer, as feminine and finespun as a woman could be.  

I remember one day Sonya's dad, Tom, was helping me fix the fuel pump in my car.  I walked through the back door of the house with black and greasy fingers as I made my way over to the kitchen sink.  Maren eyed my hands in horror as she gasped, "How can you stand all of that filth on your fingers?"  

"I had fun," I said as I scrubbed, "Your dad is teaching me a lot."

"Oh, I could never do that!" She poised herself in a ballet-like form and sighed, "I... am a delicate flower."

I laughed out-loud!
I had never heard anyone refer to themselves as a "delicate flower" before and it caught me off guard.  How ridiculous it seemed. I guess I never really cared for nicely manicured hands, especially when it meant getting them dirty from learning something new.

"Oh Maren, you crack me up," I said "Of course you are.  And you never have to change." I patted her endearingly.  

Maren laughed her unique laugh that always made me smile. It almost sounded operatic, so fitting for her personality.

Aw, Maren.... she was awesome.

One afternoon Sonya rushed excitedly up the stairs  into our bedroom and showed me a quote she just discovered. (She knew I loved collecting them.)  

"Look at this one, Alicia.  You're gonna love it!"  She read to me from a little 3x5 card;

"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul. - Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"Isn't that awesome!" she said. "Let's put it on the mirror in the bathroom and memorize it!"

"Okay!" I agreed wholeheartedly.

Our intention was to use it as our motto to pep us up as we prepared to go out and serve full-time missions.  There was no chance, no destiny, no fate that would stop us from going out into the white and ready field!!!  I met my husband the month before I turned 21 and married him 16 weeks later...so... I guess I wasn't all that "determined" to be a sister missionary. 

I grew to love everyone in Sonya's family.  I also learned that there is no such thing as a perfect home, no matter how ideal it looked on the outside.  Overall, the memories there will always be sweet to me. 

Sonya and I have kept in contact through the years.  She lives in Oregon now and whenever she comes home to visit she gives me a call or stops by my place.  She's much better at keeping touch than I am.  

One particular visit about seven years ago, she confided in me about some struggles she was having in her marriage.  

I referred her to some of my favorite Elder Holland talks and then said, "You know, we are always told to be more Christ-like, to do as He would do, to love like the Savior loved.  And truth be told, sometimes that is harder for me to grasp  I guess because I AM so far from perfect.  I don't know how to be like Him.  But I DO KNOW what it feels like TO LOVE HIM.  I mean, look at the scripture in Matthew for an example,"

"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these... ye have done it unto me."- Matt 25:40

"Maybe Christ is telling us this  because He knew the concept of 'being like Him' would be hard for most of us to grasp? 

For me, it seems easier to know 'what to do' if we imagine everyone around us as if they were Him.

 What would we say?  How would we act?  

Christ's love changes us.  You see... because we are loved by someone so incredibly amazing, so unbelievable, how could it not change us?

Love is powerful!  Think about it... When you fall in love, you would do anything and everything for the very best interest of that person.  You would serve them and care for them willingly, most gratefully.  You would strive to be your very best self around them and would never want to harm or hurt them in any way.  

Now, what if you took that energy and treated everyone around you as if they were the 'one you loved'?  Can you imagine the impact?!!"

My friend and I talked back and forth about this concept, and she grew more and more excited to put it into practice. 

A year later, when she came to visit again she said, "You know, Alicia, that time you told me about loving everyone as if they are Christ instead of trying so hard to be like Christ was really freeing for me.  It just made more sense, so much easier to comprehend that way!  And it has been working." 

It was wonderful news to hear.

I've been thinking a lot about this concept. I resolve to put it into practice more:

How differently would I treat my spouse, my children, my neighbors, or the stranger on the street if with each of them, I imagined the Savior?  What if in every situation I "did unto others... as I would do unto Him"?  

What a force for good it could be!!

"We have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear....
..We love him, because he first loved us." - 1 John 4:16-19

Because He Lives and Loves

My peace, my hope, my healer, and friend,

Author and finisher of my faith to the end,

Savior through Thee, I see heaven's view,

Truth breathes in life, my spirit made new,

The grace of Your love flows in my veins,

As my heart sings out, "My Savior Reigns!"

-Alicia Rawlins

Proving Faith, Patience, and Obedience

I discovered this clip from a talk by Elder Maxwell today.  These are some profound and beautiful thoughts:

....................................

"When we see things as they really were, really are, and really will be (see Jacob 4:13; D&C 93:24), dispensations are merely seasons, new friendships are but relationships resumed, and prophets sent forth on their errands from the Lord reflect associations which arc across the ages as they later rendezvous on mountaintops and hills, in woods, fields, groves, and even jails. (See Moses 1:1–2; Matt. 17:1–7; JS—H 1:14, 48–50; Acts 23:11.)

We are not now ready for all things the Lord has prepared in the City of God for them that love Him. (1 Cor. 2:9.) Our present eyes are unready for things which they have not yet seen, and our ears are not prepared for the transcending sounds and music of that city.

The trek will be proving and trying. Faith, patience, and obedience are essential (see Mosiah 23:21; Abr. 3:25), but he who completes the journey successfully will be immeasurably added upon. (see  Abr. 3:26.) And he who does not will have subtracted from the sum of his possibilities.
When we arrive home, we shall be weary and bruised. But at last our aching homesicknesses will cease. Meanwhile, our mortal homecomings are but faint foreshadowings of that Homecoming!
Brethren, these plain and precious doctrines restored in our time through the Prophet Joseph Smith are pulsating with perspective and are so light-intensive, like radioactive materials, that they must be handled with great care." - Neal A. Maxwell
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One other quote I came across this afternoon...

"Why are we drawn to certain persons, and they to us, as if we had always known each other:  Is it a fact that we always have?  Is there something, after all, in that much abused term ;affinity; and is this the basis of its claim?  At all events, it is just as logical to look back upon fond associations, as it is to look forward to them.  We believe that ties formed in this life will be continued in the life to come; then why not believe that... some of them at least, have been resumed in this state of existence?"

 - Orson F. Whitney

What is your Abrahamic trial?

I've been thinking for quite some time now about the principle of sacrifice in order to show our love, faith, and obedience to God.  Abraham was asked to lay down the life of his son that he loved, his son that he had dreamed of, hoped for, and waited 100 years to come into his life.  What would we be willing to lay down at our Father's feet saying, "You can take this.  As much as I love this and as much as this hurts, I am willing to lay this down because I love you more, Lord."

Abraham being willing to sacrifice his beloved son, Isaac, was  a similitude of God and his Only Begotten Son. - Genesis 22:1-14.

I wonder if Abraham found hope in God's request when he drew upon his previous revelation that he would have children as numerous as the stars in the sky?  Is that why he said to his son "God will provide the lamb"?

I woke up this morning with this song "Touch The Sky" playing in my head and thought about Abraham and his journey.  Every step up that mountain was a manifestation of his faith.  Isaac meant the world to him.  This was his life!  Yet, he was willing to let him go and say, "Lord, you can have him.  Take him and I will still praise and honor You."

What do you love more than anything and if God asked you to, would you be willing to lay it down for Him?

-Alicia

"Touch The Sky"

by, Hillsong United

What fortune lies beyond the stars

Those dazzling heights too vast to climb

I got so high to fall so far

But I found heaven as love swept low

My heart beating, my soul breathing

I found my life when I laid it down

Upward falling, spirit soaring

I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

What treasure waits within Your scars

This gift of freedom gold can't buy

I bought the world and sold my heart

You traded heaven to have me again

My heart beating, my soul breathing

I found my life when I laid it down

Upward falling, spirit soaring

I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

Find me here at Your feet again

Everything I am, reaching out, I surrender

Come sweep me up in Your love again

And my soul will dance

On the wings of forever

My heart beating, my soul breathing

I found my life when I laid it down

Upward falling, spirit soaring

I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

Find me here at Your feet again

Everything I am, reaching out in surrender

Come sweep me up in Your love again

And my soul will dance

On the wings of forever

Upward falling, spirit soaring

I touch the sky

When my knees hit the ground

"Learn" and "Rest"

(Laying it on the Altar)

Don't Give Up

I don't understand what it is like to be emotionally numb on a regular basis, to go day after day forcing a smile when it seems as if you have absolutely no feeling inside except for the feeling of hopelessness.  I'm grateful I don't suffer from chronic depression but my heart breaks for those who do.  I'm slowly learning that fixing it in others is truly beyond my reach.  Even still, I can continue to love with all that I have and hope it is making a difference in some small way!

This song goes out to my very close and very dear friend whose suffering I cannot comprehend.  I know the Savior comprehends all things though. Please don't give up.  Just one foot in front of the other... You are so much better and so much more than you think you are!

-Alicia

"You Are Loved"

by, Josh Groban

Don't give up

It's just the weight of the world

When your heart's heavy

I will lift it for you

Don't give up

Because you want to be heard

If silence keeps you

I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood

Well I can hear you

Everybody wants to be loved

Don't give up

Because you are loved

Don't give up

It's just the hurt that you hide

When you're lost inside

I will be there to find you

Don't give up

Because you want to burn bright

If darkness blinds you

I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood

Well I can hear you

Everybody wants to be loved

Don't give up

Because you are loved

You are loved

Don't give up

It's just the weight of the world

Don't give up

Every one needs to be heard

You are loved

To the Pure in Heart

"Behold, I... would speak unto you that are pure in heart.  Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto Him with exceeding faith, and He will console you in your afflictions, and He will plead your cause... O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon His love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever." - Jacob 3:1-2

I read this scripture this morning and just felt like sharing it.  I especially love this part: "Receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon His love."

Oh, and a nice touch to this would be to read it with a little music.  :)
That's the way I like it.

-Alicia

Love of Learning

         I was given a blessing many years ago that said I would love learning, that it has been something I have loved long before I was born onto this earth and I would carry it with me throughout my life.  It's true!  I love learning with all of my heart and soul!        
         I have thoroughly been enjoying school at BYU.  Last night after a few ours of studying late, I walked across campus, making my way home, and felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for this gift I have been given.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought of the goodness of God.  I thanked my Father in Heaven for this "dream come true" in my life. What a blessing!  I thank Him every day!
         I absolutely love my Anthropology class!  It's been eye opening to say the least.  I've been completely fascinated with how much there is to learn about myself as I dive into the lives, minds, and cultures of other people.  My instructor is also very hilarious and there hasn't been one day in class yet where I haven't enjoyed a good hearty laugh. He once read a verse to us from The Hawaiian Pidgin Bible and I nearly fell off my seat from the hilarity. It's awesome! (You should check it out.)
    Today, I've been assigned to write a paper in my religion class.  We've been asked to write on just two chapters of the Book of Mormon (anywhere between 1 Nephi 1 to Jacob 7) and discuss character traits and attributes of Jesus Christ.  Although it was hard to decide which ones to choose, I really enjoyed the process.  This has truly been my favorite homework assignment.  I figured I might as well share it here.  It's part of my testimony and will fit nicely on my blog.  So here ya go:

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          In all of scripture there’s not a more beautiful love story found than what is to be discovered in the words of Isaiah.  He speaks Messianically and through him, we learn the intent and heart of God, here the greatest love ever shown is revealed through the principle of sacrifice; not just of body but to the exhausting of heart, might, soul, and mind. To the Jews in ancient Jerusalem, to the Nephites and Lamanites in the new world, and to His modern children on earth today, the message is the same!
          The word “hear” is embedded in the word “hearken”.  Interestingly, it is also found in the word “heart”.  I love this because “hearken” means; listening with our hearts, with full intent to act with willingness to perform what has been required, stemming from Divine love and not out of duty.  In the very first verse of 1 Nephi 20, this is how the Lord calls out to His people, “Hearken and Hear” two words characteristic of a loving plea from our Lord.  He’s begging them and us to please listen, not just with our ears but with our souls, and not just pay attention but to pay strict heed.
         There is great urgency in the context of this call to “listen up.”  Christ is speaking to the baptized members of the church, His covenant people, those who “swear by the name of the Lord” but “do not stay themselves upon [Him]”.(1) He basically says, “Look, I’ve been trying to speak to you from the very beginning, but like a stubborn child you shut me out saying, ‘yeah, yeah I know this already.’  Then you exploit my name so you can call yourselves 'holy' and give credit to your own image and the other false gods you worship.(2)  That’s not how this works. You are following the way of the world and it will only bring destruction.”  Over and over again He begs his people to flee worldliness, to break away from Babylon, to leave their life of pride and sin because there is no peace or happiness in these things and there and never will be.(3)
The Savior with His unfailing love for His wayward sheep tells them of all the blessings that could be theirs if they would just hearken unto Him, the Good Shepherd.  “Then you would have had peace like a river, [and] you would have not thirsted in the desert.”(4)
The people relentlessly reject Him but He continues to warn His children of impending dangers and sends a servant (the prophet)  to help “bring Jacob (His covenant people) again to Him”.  His servant is also rejected and laments, “I have labored in vain, I have spent my strength for naught”.(5)  The frustration of such indifference among the people is palpable and the burden is crushing.  But the Lord in His wisdom reminds the servant that this weight of responsibility “Is a light thing… and [He] will give [him] for a light.” Don’t fret over all the details, I just want you to shine! Trust me, He whose “hand hath spanned the heavens”(6) laying out all the brilliant burning stars and galaxies will “give [his servant] for a light”.(7)
Darkness shrouds the hearts and minds of the people as they sit in the shadowy black cell of their own deception and sin.  But all is not lost. The Lord calls more servants to help the first.  Light always dispels dark “Show yourselves”(8)  is the Lord’s call to those on His errand.   Shine to them who sit in darkness!  The Savior gathers his “light bearer’s” his very elect from all parts of the globe.(9)  Clothed in covenant, like a bride in her gown(10) they will radiate a heavenly glow and they will be given stamina and energy, a swiftness in their step and a song in their heart as they go about His work.(11)  The desolate who sit in waste will lift up their eyes and see redemption breaking through their dark horizon like the rays of the morning sun. And in great mercy they will realize they have not been forgotten, they will come to know the Lord and witness that they have been “engraven upon the palms of His hands”.(12)  Changed by His matchless love, no longer will they hunger or thirst for the things of the world but will find living water in Christ.(13) Through God’s infinite power of His only begotten Son “The captives of the mighty shall be taken away, and the prey of the terrible shall be delivered.”(14)
Unfailing, undaunted, constant, and true in every rejection he continued to offer Himself.  The Lord never gave up on His people and never will, no matter the sacrifice, no matter the cost.  This is a story of the purest and most noble kind of love and it’s true, all of it.

1 -(1 Ne. 20:1,2), 2- (1 Ne. 20:1,2), 3-(1 Ne. 20:20,22), 4-(1 Ne. 20:18, 21), 5-(1 Ne. 21:4,5), 6-(1 Ne. 20:13), 7-(1 Ne. 21:6), 8-(1 Ne. 21:9), 9-(1 Ne. 21:12), 10-(1 Ne. 21:18), 11-(1 Ne. 21:13), 12-(1 Ne. 21:16), 13-(1 Ne. 21:10), 14-(1 Ne. 21:25)

Godly Fear Dispels Mortal Fear

I got up at 4:30 this morning as to assure me some time to finish my homework due for class today.   I missed my regular study time last night to participate in a face to face broadcast with Elder Bednar.  It was a very worthy exchange!  I love Elder Bednar's words!!!  I've been reading his series of books, Increase in Learning, Act in Doctrine, and Power to Become.

I crawled out of bed and went out to my favorite spot in my living room to pray, my little place of treasured communion with my Father.  I had a lot to do within a few short hours but I wanted to start my day off right.  I cracked open the scriptures and read more words on faith and trust, some of which seemed to speak my name, "Prepare your mind [Alicia]. [I] exhort you unto faith and to patience." (Alma 34:3)  

Ah, yes... faith and patience.  I pray for that with all of my heart.

I was blessed to have finished my homework sooner than expected.  This was an answer to my prayer because I was anxious to take a moment to soak up some comforting words and turned to Elder Bednar's recent conference address.  
... Ah, Just what I needed.  

I have shared below the parts that stood out to me the most.  What a blessing that we have this fountain of living water, these words of the living prophets, the scriptures, and our communion with our Father in Heaven through prayer.  They restore my soul!

-Alicia

.......................

Mortal Fear
"The distressing emotion of fear arises because of impending danger, uncertainty, or pain and through experiences that are unexpected, sometimes sudden, and likely to produce a negative outcome.

Fear is dispelled through a correct knowledge of and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ

Nephi declared: “Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life” (2 Nephi 31:20).

The disciplined endurance described in this verse is the result of spiritual understanding and vision, persistence, patience, and God’s grace. Exercising faith in and on the holy name of Jesus Christ, meekly submitting to His will and timing in our lives, and humbly acknowledging His hand in all things yield the peaceable things of the kingdom of God that bring joy and eternal life (see D&C 42:61). Even as we encounter difficulties and face the uncertainties of the future, we can cheerfully persevere and live a “peaceable life in all godliness and honesty” (1 Timothy 2:2).

We can be blessed to hush our fears as we receive the fortitude that comes from learning and living gospel principles and resolutely pressing forward on the covenant pathway."

...........

Godly Fear

"The righteous fear I am attempting to describe encompasses a deep feeling of reverence, respect, and awe for the Lord Jesus Christ (see Psalm 33:8; 96:4), obedience to His commandments (see Deuteronomy 5:29; 8:6; 10:12; 13:4; Psalm 112:1)

Godly fear “is the beginning of knowledge” (Proverbs 1:7), “the instruction of wisdom” (Proverbs 15:33), a “strong confidence” (Proverbs 14:26), and “a fountain of life” (Proverbs 14:27).

Godly fear is loving and trusting in Him. As we fear God more completely, we love Him more perfectly. And “perfect love casteth out all fear” (Moroni 8:16). I promise the bright light of godly fear will chase away the dark shadows of mortal fears (see D&C 50:25) as we look to the Savior, build upon Him as our foundation, and press forward on His covenant path with consecrated commitment.

I love and revere the Lord. His power and peace are real. He is our Redeemer, and I witness He lives. And because of Him, our hearts need not be troubled or afraid (see John 14:27), and we will be blessed to hush our fears." 

- David A. Bednar (Therefore They Hushed Their Fears)

Today I celebrate you!

To my dear children,

I know Mother's Day is meant for celebrating and giving thanks to our moms.  But I want you to know that I should really be the one who is celebrating.  Yes, I made you but you are the ones who made me a mother!  I spent some time reading through the letters I wrote when each of you were born. It filled me with tremendous gratitude.  My love never divided as each new child came into my life, it only grew and so much more than I ever anticipated.  That's how true love works you know, always growing, always multiplying, never ever dividing!  What a blessing you have all been to me! Nothing brings me greater joy than to see you develop your awesome personalities and talents, to see you learn to live and love the Gospel, to see you learn your independence and willingly choose the good.  I'm just so proud of each one of you.  Thank YOU!  Today I want to be the very best mom I can be because you've brought my life such happiness!

"Angel From Heaven"

Your tiny hand,

Holds mine so sure-

Your precious hand,

So clean and pure.

With all your trust,

You cling to me-

No worries or cares,

Of what might be.

A light in the dark,

A shining star,

An angel from heaven,

Is what you are.

This joy I feel,

I can't express;

you've brought my life

Such happiness.

I have more

Than riches told;

Your tiny hand,

In mine I hold.

By, Alicia Rawlins

2003

- Alicia

Beautiful Heartache

I truly believe that through Christ "I can do all things."  I was given a blessing when I was 16 where I was told that I would "be tested" in this life, that I would have some heartaches and would need the comforting influence of the scriptures, the teachings of Christ and of God, [my] Eternal Father, to strengthen [me] that [I] may pass through these trials as Job did, with flying colors and with comfort."

So many times I have read those words, "you will have some heartaches" and have assumed they would come in the form of a difficult home environment, accidents, or illness... you know, "trials!"  For some reason I've always associated "heartache" to be the kind of pain one would never wish for, the kind one would want removed from from their life.  I never imagined anything that could hurt so bad would be something I'd actually pray to keep.

Job was tested in ways I cannot even begin to comprehend. Nevertheless, he did not sacrifice his integrity.  I love that word "integrity!"  It is another way of saying Job remained true no matter the circumstance, no matter the cost and always praised the name of the Lord.

This blessing given to me in my teenage years promises that in such tests "[I] will conquest them and [I] will not sacrifice [my] integrity".  I seek to make certain that is fulfilled.

 Job endured countless "heartaches" the pain of which I cannot comprehend.  But look at what incredible faith it produced!  Ultimately, that is what I want... faith like Job!  The Lord was His ultimate source for strength and through Him he was able to "endure all things" without sinning or charging God foolishly. -  Job 1:22

 The promises given to me have held true. "The influence of the scriptures, the teachings of Christ and of God" truly have brought me comfort in such trials!!  I testify of their unfailing power. They have brought me solace and peace in all of my heartaches... including the ones I like to call "beautiful."

- Alicia 

.................

Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through
Was the price that I paid to see this view
Now that I'm here I would never trade
The grace that I feel and the faith that I find
Through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights
I used to pray He'd take it all away
But instead it became
A beautiful heartbreak

I never dreamed my heart would make it
And I thought about turning around
But Heaven has shown me miracles
I never would have seen from the ground
Now I take the rain with the sunshine
Cause there's one thing that I know
He picks up the pieces
Along each broken road

- Beautiful Heartbreak by, Hilary Weeks 

Alma 7:11  -  He Knows!

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire”  - Elder Orson F. Whitney

The Secret to Life

 "I wanted to tell you, that song 'Major Tom'... 

That song is about courage and going into the unknown. It's a cool song." 

- Cheryl Melhoff (The Secret Life of Walter Mitty)

Last night, we watched it again. This makes it the the third time we've watched this movie as family and I'm pretty sure it won't be our last.  Every once in a while a show comes along that strikes so many chords in me, I can almost hear my heart sing in tune. This is how I feel about Mitty.  I loved it the first time I saw it.  To me, everything about this movie is absolutely genius! It captures the magic of discovery; of dreams, of true beauty, of courage, of relationships, and of course... life.

Life's motto is powerful, it's all about vision, about perceiving with new eyes and a new heart.

“To see the world, things dangerous to come, 

to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and feel 

- that is the purpose of life.” 

I love that!  It's the courage to step outside of our own little sphere and see the bigger picture, to explore the souls of others, to take a leap of faith, to seek understanding, and make lasting connections.  

One of my favorite scenes in this movie is when Walter is faced with the decision to jump on board of the departing helicopter. He has only a few seconds to make the pivotal move. His mind reflects on Cheryl, he can feel her faith in him like a surge of energy that puts his whole body into motion. Her mere influence instantly gives him courage to run for it and to grab hold of the opportunity that awaits him. Once aboard the helicopter, Walter knows that there is no turning back.

As the story unfolds we continue to see how Cheryl's influence sparks something within Walter Mitty.  Every thought of her ignites the embers of his hopes and dreams into a miraculous blazing reality. He starts to become who he has always wanted to become.  It's a side of him that has always been there but just locked away, lying dormant until awakened by purpose, by hope.  That's the power of love.

"Somewhere in your make-up (perhaps in the cells of your brain) there lies sleeping, the seed of achievement which, if aroused and put into action, would carry you to heights, such as you may never have hoped to attain." Once this "genius which lies asleep" is awakened by love, it will "drive you upward to whatever goal you may wish to achieve."  -Napoleon Hill

"Love is, without question, life's greatest experience.  It brings one into communion with Infinite Intelligence." - Napoleon Hill

Nothing could be more true!!  I believe this is why God is so powerful, because He is love personified.

"Friendship is a spiritual thing.  It is independent of matter, or space or time.  That which I love in my friend is not that which I see.  What influences me in my friend is not his body but his spirit.  He influences me about as much in his absence as in his presence."

- Henry Drummond

There's a quote I discovered  just over 20 years ago and I've never forgotten it. I believe it is a key that unlocks the heart in a way that is vibrant, full, and rich, brimming over with meaning... 

"Live to learn, learn to love, and you'll love to live." - Matthew Cowley

That is the secret to life!

- Alicia

"Stay Alive"

by, Jose Gonzalez

There's a rhythm in rush these days

Where the lights don't move and the colors don't fade

Leaves you empty with nothing but dreams

In a world gone shallow 

In a world gone lean

Sometimes there's things a man cannot know

Gears won't turn and the leaves won't grow

There's no place to run and no gasoline

Engine won't turn

And the train won't leave

Engines won't turn and the train won't leave

I will stay with you tonight

Hold you close 'til the morning light

In the morning watch a new day rise

We'll do whatever just to stay alive

We'll do whatever just to stay alive

Well the way I feel is the way I write

It isn't like the thoughts of the man who lies

There is a truth and it's on our side

Dawn is coming 

Open your eyes

Look into the sun as the new days rise

And I will wait for you tonight

You're here forever and you're by my side

I've been waiting all my life

To feel your heart as it's keeping time

We'll do whatever just to stay alive

Dawn is coming 

Open your eyes

Dawn is coming

Open your eyes

Dawn is coming

Open your eyes

Dawn is coming

Open your eyes

Look into the sun as the new days rise

There's a rhythm in rush these days

Where the lights don't move and the colors don't fade

Leaves you empty with nothing but dreams

In a world gone shallow

In a world gone lean

But there is a truth and it's on our side

Dawn is coming open your eyes

Look into the sun as a new days rise

What good are words... if we don't MOVE?!

Everyone has their opinion of what makes great music.  My favorite is the kind that not only gets me moving but points me in the right direction.  I absolutely love the feeling of discovering a new song to add to my list.  I really like this one not just because it makes me want to "bust-a-move" but because I can relate.

When I share my testimony, when I write, when I pray, when I give praise to another...  it will all be nothing more than words if I don't show it through what I do.  It is all in vain if it doesn't come from my heart.  It's so easy to "talk the talk."  But if I'm not practicing what I preach, "What good are words?"  I want to be the one who walks the walk!

It's time to move my feet, baby!

- Alicia

Make a Move

by, Royal Tailor

Mr., good intentions, 

So much I wanna do.

My mouth just keeps on running,

But I never follow through.

I heard that true religion, 

Is love with hands and feet.

I wanna find my own way, 

To reach a world in need.

I've been, captured by the unimportant.

Locked in, and now it's time to break free

There's more to life,

Open my eyes.

Someone is needing You.

So I gotta Make A Move.

What good are words,

When this world hurts.

Real faith will come through.

When I Make A Move.

We don't need permission,

To go outside of these doors.

And dream some crazy dream,

No one else has dreamed before.

To show love and compassion.

Where ever way it may be.

To put faith into action,

Do more than just believe.

We are, 

Hope to those who have been broken.

We were,

Made to make a difference, Made to make a difference.

There's more to life,

Open my eyes.

Someone is needing You.

So I gotta Make A Move.

What good are words,

When this world hurts.

Real faith will come through.

When I Make A Move.

"Ask in Faith" - Ensign, May 2008, 94-97 - David A. Bednar
"True faith is focused in and on the Lord Jesus Christ and always leads to righteous action. The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that “faith [is] the first principle in revealed religion, and the foundation of all righteousness” and that it is also “the principle of action in all intelligent beings” (Lectures on Faith [1985], 1). Action alone is not faith in the Savior, but acting in accordance with correct principles is a central component of faith. Thus, “faith without works is dead” (James 2:20).

The Prophet Joseph further explained that “faith is not only the principle of action, but of power also, in all intelligent beings, whether in heaven or on earth” (Lectures on Faith, 3). Thus, faith in Christ leads to righteous action, which increases our spiritual capacity and power. Understanding that faith is a principle of action and of power inspires us to exercise our moral agency in compliance with gospel truth, invites the redeeming and strengthening powers of the Savior’s Atonement into our lives, and enlarges the power within us whereby we are agents unto ourselves (see D&C 58:28)." - "Ask in Faith" - Ensign, May 2008, 94-97 - David A. Bednar

A Wise Investment

One of the biggest lies and falsehoods ever told to man is that you can buy anything in this world with money. But pure love is far richer than pure gold and it cannot be bought, neither can it be sold.  Pure love, like precious metals, can be discovered and refined on this earth but not exchanged from hand to hand only from heart to heart.  The wise understand the value of this commodity, because the purest love brings the purest joy.  It is not found in the stock market but in the investing, the exchanging, and the returning of Eternal bonds among our brothers and sisters, our mothers and fathers, our children and grandchildren. The truth is, if you spend your life chasing things that only money can buy: fashion, popularity, pleasures, and praise...  you will not only come up empty handed in the end, but empty hearted.

The purest love = sacrifice, especially that of one's self

-Alicia

"A selfless person is one who is more concerned about the happiness and well-being of another than about his or her own convenience or comfort, one who is willing to serve another when it is neither sought for nor appreciated, or one who is willing to serve even those whom he or she dislikes. A selfless person displays a willingness to sacrifice, a willingness to purge from his or her mind and heart personal wants, and needs, and feelings. Instead of reaching for and requiring praise and recognition for himself, or gratification of his or her own wants, the selfless person will meet these very human needs for others. Remember the words of the Savior as he taught his disciples on an occasion when personal recognition was being sought: “But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, … whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. For even the son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:42–45.)
- H. Burke Peterson - Selflessness: A Pattern for Happiness

The Greatest of These is Love

"It don't take money and it don't take fame

don't need no credit card to ride this train

Tougher than diamonds and stronger than steel

you won't feel nothin' till you feel

you feel the power, just the power of love

that's the power of love"

- Huey Lewis & The News

Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen, one of the most profound truths embedded within the movie score of a 1980's teenage-time-travel saga.  Who knew?  This song is definitely a hit in my book but I doubt Brother Lewis and his news crew intended to make any Bible references when they wrote it. So, I'll help them out with that.  ;) 

Amazingly enough, what most of the world describes as the "power of love" is just a drop in the ocean.  It hardly scratches the surface, especially when we are talking about God's love.  President Uctdorf said, "Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God’s love for you."

Such love is hard for me to fathom because the "purest, most all-consuming" kind I have experienced in my life is already breathtaking and overwhelming. I am certain that I would not be able to stand in Christ's presence were I to see Him today.  I do not doubt that being near Him, I would lose all physical strength within me and I would fall at His feet, His beautiful feet.  Perhaps that is why the people in Lehi's dream "fell down" when they partook of the fruit of the Tree of Life.

Associated directly with this love is "joy" as the angel describes to Nephi, "Behold the Lamb of God, yea, even the Son of the Eternal Father! .. it is the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; wherefore, it is the most desirable above all things... Yea, and the most joyous to the soul." - 1 Nephi 11:22-23

When I think of joy, I think of the sun and the warmth of its rays on my face.  You know that feeling when you are out in the fresh open air, when the light of the morning breaks over the horizon... You cannot help but close your eyes and soak in every stream of warmth and radiance. There flows in you a sensation of new energy and that energy fills every part of your being.  It puts a spring in your step, an excitement for life, and you begin to feel that light of the sun bursting through you.  It's incredible!

We do not keep these glimpses of Heaven to ourselves.  They are meant to be shared.  When we come to understand "the power of God's love" so deep that it changes our heart, our very nature, there does not need to be any command to share it because it will happen so naturally.  We cannot restrain ourselves from doing this because it is in "the sharing" that the joy becomes magnified and infinitely limitless.  In return we feel a greater measure of His love and thus it propels us to grow "brighter and brighter until the perfect day."

Yes, "What the world needs now, is love, sweet love... it's the only thing that there's much too little of."  But Jackie DeShannon, I don't think there's "much too little" of it, I just think most people don't know where to find it.  And how do we help them find it?  We feast on the sweet Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Here pure love infuses joy, and pure joy creates light... enabling us to SHINE!  This is how we help others discover it... Shine so everyone can see what they so desperately need, shine so they can find the Tree for themselves and partake. There is plenty to go around.

In the entire world there is nothing that is greater. Yet one of the biggest lies ever told is that "you can buy anything in this world with money."  I refute that lie with this truth: Love "don't take money, it don't take fame, don't need no credit card to ride this train."  And Mr. Lewis...It's not that it "might just save your life", it IS LIFE and it's the ONLY way to save ours.  It has saved mine.

"Love.. ought to be at the center of all and everything we do in our own family, in our Church callings, and in our livelihood. Love is the healing balm that repairs rifts in personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities, and nations. Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility, and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate. Love is the fire that warms our lives with unparalleled joy and divine hope. Love should be our walk and our talk.

When we truly understand what it means to love as Jesus Christ loves us, the confusion clears and our priorities align. Our walk as disciples of Christ becomes more joyful. Our lives take on new meaning. Our relationship with our Heavenly Father becomes more profound. Obedience becomes a joy rather than a burden." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf "The Love of God"

-Alicia