Losing Myself: Timponogos

June 8th, 1996 -

We hiked the summit of Timp to celebrate my high school graduation that took place a couple of days earlier.

As I stood on that summit and looked across the valley, I was absolutely breath-taken with the view and the incredible feeling of accomplishment of having an entire mountain under my feet! I'd like to say that at that moment in my life, I had confidence in my abilities to achieve other great things too. But the truth is, I didn't. I never even bothered trying to get into BYU because I was certain that I wouldn't make it. I ended up settling for the Community College and admittedly I enjoyed my schooling there. I was heavily involved on the Institute Council and really liked my classes.

After about a year, I discovered some good friends of mine were applying to be EFY counselors. They encouraged me to do the same. I loved the idea of having some sort of "BYU experience" in my life and thought, "If I can't get in as a student, maybe I could at least teach the youth and live on campus for a summer." I applied, but didn't make it in. It was an un-achievable dream in my heart, "Who was I kidding anyway?" My flame of hope had gone out... But I believe somewhere deep within me, there must have still been an ember.

Years later, when my husband Joseph got accepted to BYU's Science program in the spring of 2008, I think I was more excited than he was. In fact, he was debating whether or not to accept a separate offer at the University of Utah. I remember eagerly encouraging him, "Honey, you have to take this!! It's BYU, how can there be any debate in your mind?!"

That June, we packed up our little family and moved to Provo for him to go to school. (I was a couple of weeks away from the due date of my forth child.) Joseph spent many hours up on campus so I would often take the children with me to visit him in his research office. So many times, as I walked up those stairs in the Science building, I would look out the large window across campus and think to myself, "some day, I want it to be my turn here." He graduated in August of 2012 and I was happy to have had some sort of "BYU experience", even if it was vicariously through him.

After his Bachelor of Science, I anticipated that we would move on somewhere for my husband to get his Masters or that he would find a job in Texas or Florida working with their space programs or something like that. When nothing progressed in that direction and he showed no interest to go any further in school, I thought, "Well then, I'll go!"

A series of events unfolded and in the spring of 2013 I knew that I needed to make the attempt for BYU. It would be another year though until I finally applied. I was denied and was completely heartbroken. The next few days I gathered myself together and immediately applied again.

This time... I GOT IN!!!

I cannot even begin to express the excitement I feel. I reflect back on the day I celebrated my high school graduation on the summit of that mountain. Last fall, I was thrilled to hike Timp again. I felt as if it was a symbol of the beginning of my new journey. Only this time, I had confidence.

Now with BYU finally a reality in my own life, the feelings I have in my heart today are much the same as I've had atop that summit:

Here I am, standing on the edge of my dreams looking out and realizing they are coming true. Twelve-thousand feet high, the view from up here is exhilarating!!! I breathe in deep, close my eyes, and savor the rays of sun on my face. My arms stretch open as wide as the blue sky before me. I feel like I could embrace the whole world. My heart beats wildly with elated anticipation. I smile. God is good, so very, very good! I breathe in deep again. The fresh mountain air seems to electrify every part of my body. I'm full of hope, full of faith, ...

I know God is guiding me...

And now....

I'm stepping off this ledge with both feet....