The Art of Losing Self

The Lord calls out... “Give me all of you!!! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want you!!! All of you!! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to kill it! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them all over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self---in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart.” - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

As I “Give up [my]self... [I]will find [my] real self. Lose [my] life... [I] will save it. Submit to death, death of [my]ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of [my]whole body and in the end submit with ever fiber of [my]being... [I]will find eternal life. [As I] Keep back nothing. Nothing that [I]have not given away will be really [mine]. Nothing in [me]that has not died will ever be raised from the dead...  [As I] look for Christ and [I]will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.”  
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

-Alicia

Light

We're studying the Book of Mormon as a ward family again this summer.  It's pretty awesome the way it works:  We all read the same pages together each day so we can be pondering the same verses. We share what we learn on our ward Facebook page and unify ourselves in heart and mind.  I loved doing this last year and am very excited to be doing it again!

I love the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon.  I've read it over twenty something times and it never grows old to me.  The first time I read it was my Jr. year in high school.  (I keep thinking it was my Sr. year but it must have been my Jr. year because the friend of mine who challenged me to read was a grade above me and he was a Sr.) Anyway, it doesn't really matter when, the fact is - It was an amazing experience!

A couple of days ago, I was thinking about the power that comes into our lives when we sincerely study the scriptures and plant them deep within our hearts.  I thought back on where it began for me.

Before I ever read the Book of Mormon on my own, we had family scripture study on a somewhat regular basis.  It was more of a contentious time, a "shut-up-sit-down" environment if you know what I mean.  The spirit was difficult to feel.  My dad was so strict and incredibly controlling, smacking us if we didn't sit still.  It was very wrong the way he went about it.  I look back though and even amidst the memory of it being rigid, forceful, and frustrating, I'm glad my parents at least tried to read on those occasions.  They've definitely learned to loosen up since then and I'm proud of them for that.

One of the best decisions I ever made was to enroll in Seminary.  I took it from 9th grade until 12th.  My 9th grade seminary teacher constantly encouraged us to study the scriptures for ourselves.  I admit, the idea of reading the entire Book of Mormon from cover to cover seemed daunting to me at that age and, like I said, I never did read it that way until my Jr. year.  But my freshman seminary teacher was inspired and suggested I try a study-by-topic method.  "Pick a topic in the Topical Guide" he said "And go through all those verses with that word and study them."  I liked the method of study he suggested and decided to give it a try.

The topic I chose was "light."  I took my set of scriptures, searched the word light in the Topical Guide and combed through highlighting and studying all the scriptures I could find related to it.  It was a wonderful experience!  After that, I often bore testimony of this method, sharing with others my experience studying light and encouraging my friends to do the same with their own topic.

I think it's so fitting that light is what I chose because since then, the scriptures truly have been a "lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path." (Psalms 119:105)

Never any day have I needed to walk in darkness because I have had this light of truth to guide me.  I know that if ever there is confusion, a loss of direction, a sense of not really knowing where to go or what to do, we can receive direct, clear, and distinct answers through the power of prayer and deliberate, intentional, scripture study (both ancient and modern.)  I have witnessed it for myself time and time again.  It is a tested, tried, and proved method for revelation.  We can know of things to come and also be content with not knowing the timing or the details.  The Word is God, it is Light and Truth.  And when the Word is received and applied, it brings REST and peace of mind... no matter the test, no matter the circumstances.  This fixes my mind, heart, body, and soul on Truth.  This is faith in action!  This brings peace.

"Rest... is the mind at leisure from itself.  It is the perfect poise of the soul; the absolute adjustment of the inward man to the stress of all outward things; the preparedness against every emergency; the stability of assured convictions; the eternal calm of an invulnerable faith; the repose of a heart set deep in God.  It is the mood of the man who says, with Browning, 'God's in His Heaven, all's well with the world.'" - Henry Drummond

-Alicia

Count On Me

A few times a year, I drive 45 min. north to pick up my 17 yr old niece from her dad's house to stay with us a few nights.  My kids begin jumping out of the doors of the car before I can even put it in park as they see Alexa coming down the apartment stairs.  They love it when she stays with us.  She's like a big sister to them.

Ever since she was three and her parents divorced, Alexa has spent many weekends with us. I've watched her as she's been dragged through so many relationships.  It's been difficult as her mother has moved from one boyfriend to the next (and one girlfriend when my sister tried an alternative lifestyle).  Both of Alexa's parents are very opposed to the teachings of the Church and openly express their reasoning why.  She has been raised with a steady diet of skepticism and anti-religion/anti-God sentiments.  I guess you could could say she's been planted in a "poor spot of ground." (Jacob 5:21-22)  But despite this fact and despite all odds, she has kept her senses about her and has searched for truth.  She has a firm belief in God and an innate desire to follow Him.  She has proven strong and spiritually aware through all these years.  I'm so thankful for the example she has been to my children of resilience, cheerfulness, and meek-like confidence.  I have grown so close to her, she has won my heart, and is definitely a part of me. I like to call her my "fifth child." I couldn't be more proud of who she has become.

Last summer, I had the opportunity to take Alexa with me to Texas to visit my younger brother.  One of the days we were there, we strolled through a gift shop.  In the corner of the room stood one of those metal spinning displays...  You know the ones with fridge magnets of boys and girls names attached to their meaning below?  I looked for each name in our little family and searched for Alexa's too.
I discovered Alexa is short for Alexandra and means "Helper of Man".  Excitedly I waved the little card at her and said, "Hey, did you know your name meant this?"
"No" she responded as she read the description in her hand.  "That's really cool!"
"Yeah it is! Because that's totally who you ARE!"
My brother interrupted, "You know, Alicia, I'm the one who named her?"
I smiled, "You did?"
"Yeah, when she was born, I told them they should name her Alexa and they did."
"How cool is that?! You chose well, Kenneth, because this fits her perfectly!"
He agreed.

Alexa stayed few nights with us this past April.  It was the usual routine of picking her up from her dad's and my kids leaping out of the car in excitement to see her.  She dished out multiple hugs and kisses and then hopped into the front seat next to me.  We hit the road back to my house and played for each other our latest and most current favorite song.
I'm not sure how legal it is to be behind the wheel breaking out in full dance moves while cruising 75 mph down the interstate but... well...  we were having fun.  ;)
Laughing at one another's expressions and singing at the top our lungs, we savored the moment!
Alexa scrolled through her playlist as she hooked up her cell phone to my stereo, "check this one out" she said.
I loved it instantly and it became a new favorite of mine.
I think I have a thousand favorites. ;)

-Alicia