Light

We're studying the Book of Mormon as a ward family again this summer.  It's pretty awesome the way it works:  We all read the same pages together each day so we can be pondering the same verses. We share what we learn on our ward Facebook page and unify ourselves in heart and mind.  I loved doing this last year and am very excited to be doing it again!

I love the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon.  I've read it over twenty something times and it never grows old to me.  The first time I read it was my Jr. year in high school.  (I keep thinking it was my Sr. year but it must have been my Jr. year because the friend of mine who challenged me to read was a grade above me and he was a Sr.) Anyway, it doesn't really matter when, the fact is - It was an amazing experience!

A couple of days ago, I was thinking about the power that comes into our lives when we sincerely study the scriptures and plant them deep within our hearts.  I thought back on where it began for me.

Before I ever read the Book of Mormon on my own, we had family scripture study on a somewhat regular basis.  It was more of a contentious time, a "shut-up-sit-down" environment if you know what I mean.  The spirit was difficult to feel.  My dad was so strict and incredibly controlling, smacking us if we didn't sit still.  It was very wrong the way he went about it.  I look back though and even amidst the memory of it being rigid, forceful, and frustrating, I'm glad my parents at least tried to read on those occasions.  They've definitely learned to loosen up since then and I'm proud of them for that.

One of the best decisions I ever made was to enroll in Seminary.  I took it from 9th grade until 12th.  My 9th grade seminary teacher constantly encouraged us to study the scriptures for ourselves.  I admit, the idea of reading the entire Book of Mormon from cover to cover seemed daunting to me at that age and, like I said, I never did read it that way until my Jr. year.  But my freshman seminary teacher was inspired and suggested I try a study-by-topic method.  "Pick a topic in the Topical Guide" he said "And go through all those verses with that word and study them."  I liked the method of study he suggested and decided to give it a try.

The topic I chose was "light."  I took my set of scriptures, searched the word light in the Topical Guide and combed through highlighting and studying all the scriptures I could find related to it.  It was a wonderful experience!  After that, I often bore testimony of this method, sharing with others my experience studying light and encouraging my friends to do the same with their own topic.

I think it's so fitting that light is what I chose because since then, the scriptures truly have been a "lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path." (Psalms 119:105)

Never any day have I needed to walk in darkness because I have had this light of truth to guide me.  I know that if ever there is confusion, a loss of direction, a sense of not really knowing where to go or what to do, we can receive direct, clear, and distinct answers through the power of prayer and deliberate, intentional, scripture study (both ancient and modern.)  I have witnessed it for myself time and time again.  It is a tested, tried, and proved method for revelation.  We can know of things to come and also be content with not knowing the timing or the details.  The Word is God, it is Light and Truth.  And when the Word is received and applied, it brings REST and peace of mind... no matter the test, no matter the circumstances.  This fixes my mind, heart, body, and soul on Truth.  This is faith in action!  This brings peace.

"Rest... is the mind at leisure from itself.  It is the perfect poise of the soul; the absolute adjustment of the inward man to the stress of all outward things; the preparedness against every emergency; the stability of assured convictions; the eternal calm of an invulnerable faith; the repose of a heart set deep in God.  It is the mood of the man who says, with Browning, 'God's in His Heaven, all's well with the world.'" - Henry Drummond

-Alicia

Pointing the Way

"Arrows"

by, Jimmy Needham

Just as Lehi and his family were guided through to the promised land,  I have no doubt that the Lord is guiding my life, every single step of the way as I continue to pray for direction and keep the faith!  :)

"Now, my son, I have somewhat to say concerning the thing which our fathers call a ball, or director—or our fathers called it Liahona, which is, being interpreted, a compass; and the Lord prepared it.

 And behold, there cannot any man work after the manner of so curious a workmanship. And behold, it was prepared to show unto our fathers the course which they should travel in the wilderness.

 And it did work for them according to their faith in God; therefore, if they had faith to believe that God could cause that those spindles should point the way they should go, behold, it was done; therefore they had this miracle, and also many other miracles wrought by the power of God, day by day." - Alma 37:38-40

Daily Determines Destiny

Like Nephi, "I do not know the meaning of all things" but I do know that God "loves His children" and that He has blessed us with the ability to commune with Him through constant prayer.  "The scriptures are laid before [us]" (Alma 30:44) and we have the words of living prophets to guide us. As we seek, we will find, I know this!  If we seek light and truth, the Lord will guide us to light and truth.  (D&C 88:40-41)

The key is to be spiritually minded:

 "Don’t let something you don’t fully understand unravel everything you do know. Be patient, cling to truth; understanding will come. Trials are like great mists of darkness that can blind our eyes and harden our hearts. Unless we are “continually holding fast” to the word of God and living it, we will become spiritually blinded rather than spiritually minded. Search the Book of Mormon and the words of the living prophets every day, every day, every day! It’s the key to spiritual survival and avoiding deception. Without it, we are spiritually lost." - Elder Kevin W. Pearson (April, 2015 General Conference -Stay By the Tree)

I don't know the meaning of all things.  But I do know that holding to, applying, seeking and studying the words of God must be part of "my every day" and if I do this, I will be guided right. I have been promised that never any day will I need to walk in darkness but will have the light of truth along my journey.  

That Light is available to anyone and everyone who seeks it:

"That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world." -John 1:19

Lead kindly light!  I pray for eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart that understands the will of the Lord for me in my every day choices. - (Matthew 13:16)

"Our daily discipleship will determine our eternal destiny. Awaken unto God, cling to truth, keep your sacred temple covenants, and stay by the tree!" - Elder Kevin W. Pearson (April, 2015 General Conference -Stay By the Tree)

How grateful I am for a loving Father in Heaven who hears my constant prayers!  He knows my heart. 

-Alicia :)

Proving Faith, Patience, and Obedience

I discovered this clip from a talk by Elder Maxwell today.  These are some profound and beautiful thoughts:

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"When we see things as they really were, really are, and really will be (see Jacob 4:13; D&C 93:24), dispensations are merely seasons, new friendships are but relationships resumed, and prophets sent forth on their errands from the Lord reflect associations which arc across the ages as they later rendezvous on mountaintops and hills, in woods, fields, groves, and even jails. (See Moses 1:1–2; Matt. 17:1–7; JS—H 1:14, 48–50; Acts 23:11.)

We are not now ready for all things the Lord has prepared in the City of God for them that love Him. (1 Cor. 2:9.) Our present eyes are unready for things which they have not yet seen, and our ears are not prepared for the transcending sounds and music of that city.

The trek will be proving and trying. Faith, patience, and obedience are essential (see Mosiah 23:21; Abr. 3:25), but he who completes the journey successfully will be immeasurably added upon. (see  Abr. 3:26.) And he who does not will have subtracted from the sum of his possibilities.
When we arrive home, we shall be weary and bruised. But at last our aching homesicknesses will cease. Meanwhile, our mortal homecomings are but faint foreshadowings of that Homecoming!
Brethren, these plain and precious doctrines restored in our time through the Prophet Joseph Smith are pulsating with perspective and are so light-intensive, like radioactive materials, that they must be handled with great care." - Neal A. Maxwell
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One other quote I came across this afternoon...

"Why are we drawn to certain persons, and they to us, as if we had always known each other:  Is it a fact that we always have?  Is there something, after all, in that much abused term ;affinity; and is this the basis of its claim?  At all events, it is just as logical to look back upon fond associations, as it is to look forward to them.  We believe that ties formed in this life will be continued in the life to come; then why not believe that... some of them at least, have been resumed in this state of existence?"

 - Orson F. Whitney

Love of Learning

         I was given a blessing many years ago that said I would love learning, that it has been something I have loved long before I was born onto this earth and I would carry it with me throughout my life.  It's true!  I love learning with all of my heart and soul!        
         I have thoroughly been enjoying school at BYU.  Last night after a few ours of studying late, I walked across campus, making my way home, and felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for this gift I have been given.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought of the goodness of God.  I thanked my Father in Heaven for this "dream come true" in my life. What a blessing!  I thank Him every day!
         I absolutely love my Anthropology class!  It's been eye opening to say the least.  I've been completely fascinated with how much there is to learn about myself as I dive into the lives, minds, and cultures of other people.  My instructor is also very hilarious and there hasn't been one day in class yet where I haven't enjoyed a good hearty laugh. He once read a verse to us from The Hawaiian Pidgin Bible and I nearly fell off my seat from the hilarity. It's awesome! (You should check it out.)
    Today, I've been assigned to write a paper in my religion class.  We've been asked to write on just two chapters of the Book of Mormon (anywhere between 1 Nephi 1 to Jacob 7) and discuss character traits and attributes of Jesus Christ.  Although it was hard to decide which ones to choose, I really enjoyed the process.  This has truly been my favorite homework assignment.  I figured I might as well share it here.  It's part of my testimony and will fit nicely on my blog.  So here ya go:

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          In all of scripture there’s not a more beautiful love story found than what is to be discovered in the words of Isaiah.  He speaks Messianically and through him, we learn the intent and heart of God, here the greatest love ever shown is revealed through the principle of sacrifice; not just of body but to the exhausting of heart, might, soul, and mind. To the Jews in ancient Jerusalem, to the Nephites and Lamanites in the new world, and to His modern children on earth today, the message is the same!
          The word “hear” is embedded in the word “hearken”.  Interestingly, it is also found in the word “heart”.  I love this because “hearken” means; listening with our hearts, with full intent to act with willingness to perform what has been required, stemming from Divine love and not out of duty.  In the very first verse of 1 Nephi 20, this is how the Lord calls out to His people, “Hearken and Hear” two words characteristic of a loving plea from our Lord.  He’s begging them and us to please listen, not just with our ears but with our souls, and not just pay attention but to pay strict heed.
         There is great urgency in the context of this call to “listen up.”  Christ is speaking to the baptized members of the church, His covenant people, those who “swear by the name of the Lord” but “do not stay themselves upon [Him]”.(1) He basically says, “Look, I’ve been trying to speak to you from the very beginning, but like a stubborn child you shut me out saying, ‘yeah, yeah I know this already.’  Then you exploit my name so you can call yourselves 'holy' and give credit to your own image and the other false gods you worship.(2)  That’s not how this works. You are following the way of the world and it will only bring destruction.”  Over and over again He begs his people to flee worldliness, to break away from Babylon, to leave their life of pride and sin because there is no peace or happiness in these things and there and never will be.(3)
The Savior with His unfailing love for His wayward sheep tells them of all the blessings that could be theirs if they would just hearken unto Him, the Good Shepherd.  “Then you would have had peace like a river, [and] you would have not thirsted in the desert.”(4)
The people relentlessly reject Him but He continues to warn His children of impending dangers and sends a servant (the prophet)  to help “bring Jacob (His covenant people) again to Him”.  His servant is also rejected and laments, “I have labored in vain, I have spent my strength for naught”.(5)  The frustration of such indifference among the people is palpable and the burden is crushing.  But the Lord in His wisdom reminds the servant that this weight of responsibility “Is a light thing… and [He] will give [him] for a light.” Don’t fret over all the details, I just want you to shine! Trust me, He whose “hand hath spanned the heavens”(6) laying out all the brilliant burning stars and galaxies will “give [his servant] for a light”.(7)
Darkness shrouds the hearts and minds of the people as they sit in the shadowy black cell of their own deception and sin.  But all is not lost. The Lord calls more servants to help the first.  Light always dispels dark “Show yourselves”(8)  is the Lord’s call to those on His errand.   Shine to them who sit in darkness!  The Savior gathers his “light bearer’s” his very elect from all parts of the globe.(9)  Clothed in covenant, like a bride in her gown(10) they will radiate a heavenly glow and they will be given stamina and energy, a swiftness in their step and a song in their heart as they go about His work.(11)  The desolate who sit in waste will lift up their eyes and see redemption breaking through their dark horizon like the rays of the morning sun. And in great mercy they will realize they have not been forgotten, they will come to know the Lord and witness that they have been “engraven upon the palms of His hands”.(12)  Changed by His matchless love, no longer will they hunger or thirst for the things of the world but will find living water in Christ.(13) Through God’s infinite power of His only begotten Son “The captives of the mighty shall be taken away, and the prey of the terrible shall be delivered.”(14)
Unfailing, undaunted, constant, and true in every rejection he continued to offer Himself.  The Lord never gave up on His people and never will, no matter the sacrifice, no matter the cost.  This is a story of the purest and most noble kind of love and it’s true, all of it.

1 -(1 Ne. 20:1,2), 2- (1 Ne. 20:1,2), 3-(1 Ne. 20:20,22), 4-(1 Ne. 20:18, 21), 5-(1 Ne. 21:4,5), 6-(1 Ne. 20:13), 7-(1 Ne. 21:6), 8-(1 Ne. 21:9), 9-(1 Ne. 21:12), 10-(1 Ne. 21:18), 11-(1 Ne. 21:13), 12-(1 Ne. 21:16), 13-(1 Ne. 21:10), 14-(1 Ne. 21:25)

More Than a Feeling

It was like I had my own little theme song playing for me as I walked on to BYU's campus for the first time as an official student:

"I woke up this morning and the sun was gone,
Turned on some music to start my day
I lost myself in a familiar song
I closed my eyes and I slipped away
It's more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)"

 How often I have prayed for this opportunity and I'm living in it now!  No one around me realizes how long I've dreamed of this day.  To them, I'm just another student with headphones, walking to class with a cheesy grin on my face.  But for me I'm having a party inside as I'm living "the dream" and reminiscing this old Boston beat I used to play every day in college.

So much more than a feeling!  I felt like I was on cloud nine, and I still feel like It can't be happening.

I'm taking two classes, a religion one and anthropology.  I must say that anthropology is the perfect follow-up from having my experiences at the United Nations in March.  I desire greater understanding of my brothers and sisters around the world and in my own little circle.  It's amazing how we can understand ourselves so much more when we truly seek to understand others.  I have so much to learn, so very much.  In this class, I've already had to read almost 100 pages and trying to absorb everything has been a challenge to say the least.  I feel like that person trying to follow pop tart instructions and the vertical concept is thrown at them. "Uhhh uhh... poof!" My brain explodes!

This will be fun though, I'm excited to learn, to expand, and grow.  I can already see how this will be physically exhausting.  But one foot in front of the other and lots of prayers... I'm on my way.

"Don't Look Back"
by, Boston

Don't look back
A new day is breakin'
It's been too long since I felt this way
I don't mind where I get taken
The road is callin'
Today is the day

I can see
It took so long to realize
I'm much too strong
Not to comprimise
Now I see what I am is holding me down
I'll turn it around

I finally see the dawn arrivin'
I see beyond the road I'm drivin'
Far away and left behind

It's a new horizon and I'm awakin' now
Oh I see myself in a brand new way
The sun is shinin'
the clouds are breakin'
'Canse I can't lose now, there's no game to play

I can tell
There's no more time left to criticize
I've seen what I could not recognize
Everthing in my life was leading me on
but I can be strong

I finally see the dawn arrivin'
I see beyond the road I'm drivin'
Far away and left behind

-Alicia

Soulful Writing

This past Sunday, I had something I was making which required the help of the other young women leaders and the girls.  As a result, I had the opportunity of spending the late afternoon and evening going into several homes and visiting with many wonderful sisters.

One of the leaders I visited with has a darling blond-haired 8-yr-old daughter, Lily. She answered the door and cheerfully invited me in.  While Lily called for her mom, she excitedly told me how she was in the middle of writing a story. I could see the computer screen and a paragraph of words already typed. I responded with how wonderful it was to see someone as young as her already so passionate about something.
My friend, Heidi, walked in and said, "Lily's excited because her dad is writing a screen play."
"Yeah!" Lily's face lit up and asked, "You wanna see it?"
"Sure, I'd love too!" I said.
She scurried out of the room and skipped back with a thick stack of pages bound together with a couple of office clips.
Heidi invited me to sit down.
"Wow. this is evidence of a lot of hard work," I said, holding the stack of papers.
I asked Heidi, "Do you enjoy writing too?"
"Yes," she said, "I actually blogged for a long time, especially when we were living in New York.  I discovered a company that publishes blogs into books." She pulled out a couple of thick heavy books off her shelf and showed them to me.
"How awesome is that!" I said, turning through the pages. "What a treasure!"
I told her how I blogged for several years and then quit.  But I started up again this year.
"Really?" She said with interest, "What do you blog about?"
"Things from my heart, meaningful experiences, and testimony," I replied.
"Oh, soulful writing!" she said, "That's my favorite kind!"
"Soulful writing?" I asked.  "I really like the sound of that.  It's a good description." I told her as I continued flipping through her book.
"You're going back to school, correct?" she inquired. "What are you going into?"
"Communications" I said.  "I asked the counselor which degree I would need to get if I want to go into writing and public speaking and that's the one he suggested."
"That's excellent! What a perfect fit for you!" She said encouragingly. "You know something, I've been thinking of you and just told my husband the other day how you intrigue me and how I want to know your story."
I laughed in disbelief, "Serious? My story?"
"Yes," she said, sincerely.

Well, what was supposed to be a short 3-min visit turned into us talking back and forth and sharing testimony for over an hour.  She gave me a list of some awesome resources and told me that I reminded her of her mom.  I've met her mom before and was humbled by such a comparison. "Well, maybe someday I will be like that," I said.  We concluded that our conversations could go on for hours more and that we needed to just hang out together sometime.  It was a wonderful visit!

I kept thinking about the words, "soulful writing."  I really like the sound of that.  My mother-in-law taught English for 20 years and is an author.  She's published a couple of books and has written for the Friend Magazine on a number of occasions.  (She goes by her maiden name when she writes.)  I would call her style, "fictional writing."  My daughter loves to write fictional stories too and I could easily see her being a published author someday.  I'm not a fictional writer and I don't know if I've ever imagined myself publishing anything.  But I really like the sound of being a "soulful writer." There's something that satisfies me when I can find the perfect words to express what's in my heart... it helps me to heal.  In fact, the title page of my old blog was called, "That Which Heals Me"

My earliest recollection of writing for healing was when I was 9 years old;  I had a pet tree frog named Kermie.  I loved how he fit perfectly in my palm and I carried him everywhere.  I could feel his wet little body snug between my fingers and felt confident he wouldn't get away.  One day, I ran across the lawn to my friend and didn't bother checking to see if my pet remained in my hand because I could still feel his cool little belly.  I looked down after a minute and to my horror realized he was gone!  I frantically searched everywhere in the green grass for him but the color of the blades matched that of my frog exactly.... it was no use.  I was terribly upset, I loved that little frog so much!   I ran in the house crying and locked myself in the bathroom.  I sobbed uncontrollably for nearly an hour. I left the locked room for only a minute to grab some lined paper and a pencil. With tear drops blurring the ink of blue-printed lines, I began to write my very first poem:

Frogs
By, Alicia Manwill - age 9

Frogs are cute, frogs are green,
Frogs will jump on anything.
I had one once, but now he's gone.
He's probly somewhere on the lawn,
Or maybe somewhere in the leaves,
Or maybe somewhere in the trees,
Oh, will someone find him please!

It was true "soulful writing," complete with tear stains on the paper and everything.  I can't help but laugh out-loud every time I think of this poem now.  Even as I type it here, I am laughing.  But as ridiculous as it is, it came from my 9-year-old heart, and somehow it helped me heal.

It's the same for me today... I don't expect people to read the things I write, I just do it when I have a lot on my heart and need a place to put my words.   I like using a blog because I feel that I write with a little more effort knowing there's a possibility of an audience.  Having someone listen inspires creativity and that's true for everyone.

I'll continue to write from my soul, even if no one is listening... because it heals me.  But maybe, just maybe, in the process, it might help heal someone else too.

-Alicia

The Secret to Life

 "I wanted to tell you, that song 'Major Tom'... 

That song is about courage and going into the unknown. It's a cool song." 

- Cheryl Melhoff (The Secret Life of Walter Mitty)

Last night, we watched it again. This makes it the the third time we've watched this movie as family and I'm pretty sure it won't be our last.  Every once in a while a show comes along that strikes so many chords in me, I can almost hear my heart sing in tune. This is how I feel about Mitty.  I loved it the first time I saw it.  To me, everything about this movie is absolutely genius! It captures the magic of discovery; of dreams, of true beauty, of courage, of relationships, and of course... life.

Life's motto is powerful, it's all about vision, about perceiving with new eyes and a new heart.

“To see the world, things dangerous to come, 

to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and feel 

- that is the purpose of life.” 

I love that!  It's the courage to step outside of our own little sphere and see the bigger picture, to explore the souls of others, to take a leap of faith, to seek understanding, and make lasting connections.  

One of my favorite scenes in this movie is when Walter is faced with the decision to jump on board of the departing helicopter. He has only a few seconds to make the pivotal move. His mind reflects on Cheryl, he can feel her faith in him like a surge of energy that puts his whole body into motion. Her mere influence instantly gives him courage to run for it and to grab hold of the opportunity that awaits him. Once aboard the helicopter, Walter knows that there is no turning back.

As the story unfolds we continue to see how Cheryl's influence sparks something within Walter Mitty.  Every thought of her ignites the embers of his hopes and dreams into a miraculous blazing reality. He starts to become who he has always wanted to become.  It's a side of him that has always been there but just locked away, lying dormant until awakened by purpose, by hope.  That's the power of love.

"Somewhere in your make-up (perhaps in the cells of your brain) there lies sleeping, the seed of achievement which, if aroused and put into action, would carry you to heights, such as you may never have hoped to attain." Once this "genius which lies asleep" is awakened by love, it will "drive you upward to whatever goal you may wish to achieve."  -Napoleon Hill

"Love is, without question, life's greatest experience.  It brings one into communion with Infinite Intelligence." - Napoleon Hill

Nothing could be more true!!  I believe this is why God is so powerful, because He is love personified.

"Friendship is a spiritual thing.  It is independent of matter, or space or time.  That which I love in my friend is not that which I see.  What influences me in my friend is not his body but his spirit.  He influences me about as much in his absence as in his presence."

- Henry Drummond

There's a quote I discovered  just over 20 years ago and I've never forgotten it. I believe it is a key that unlocks the heart in a way that is vibrant, full, and rich, brimming over with meaning... 

"Live to learn, learn to love, and you'll love to live." - Matthew Cowley

That is the secret to life!

- Alicia

"Stay Alive"

by, Jose Gonzalez

There's a rhythm in rush these days

Where the lights don't move and the colors don't fade

Leaves you empty with nothing but dreams

In a world gone shallow 

In a world gone lean

Sometimes there's things a man cannot know

Gears won't turn and the leaves won't grow

There's no place to run and no gasoline

Engine won't turn

And the train won't leave

Engines won't turn and the train won't leave

I will stay with you tonight

Hold you close 'til the morning light

In the morning watch a new day rise

We'll do whatever just to stay alive

We'll do whatever just to stay alive

Well the way I feel is the way I write

It isn't like the thoughts of the man who lies

There is a truth and it's on our side

Dawn is coming 

Open your eyes

Look into the sun as the new days rise

And I will wait for you tonight

You're here forever and you're by my side

I've been waiting all my life

To feel your heart as it's keeping time

We'll do whatever just to stay alive

Dawn is coming 

Open your eyes

Dawn is coming

Open your eyes

Dawn is coming

Open your eyes

Dawn is coming

Open your eyes

Look into the sun as the new days rise

There's a rhythm in rush these days

Where the lights don't move and the colors don't fade

Leaves you empty with nothing but dreams

In a world gone shallow

In a world gone lean

But there is a truth and it's on our side

Dawn is coming open your eyes

Look into the sun as a new days rise

Puzzle Piece Perspective

My dad used to always counsel me, "You can't see the forest for the trees."  As a young teenager, I didn't understand what he meant by that.  Of course, it's obvious to me now, he meant I lacked perspective.

I don't know how much I cared whether or not I had correct perspective back then, but now I hunger and thirst for it... I pray for it! I desire with all my heart to see clearly.  I want to see with the Spirit and not with my own eyes. - Jacob 4:13

I'm so thankful for prayer.  What an amazing listener our Father in Heaven is, I have so much to learn about that wonderful quality!  Prayer is my healing balm, my lifeline, my connection to my Truest Friend.  (Some may speculate in the ability to communicate with heaven but I've had too many experiences in my life that confirm the validity of prayer and I cannot deny it.)  My questions need answers, my soul needs direction, my hurt needs healing, my eyes need vision, my heart needs changing, and I know He is mighty to bless me with all of this and more.

The Savior taught: “Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you” (3 Ne. 18:20). “Pray always, and I will pour out my Spirit upon you, and great shall be your blessing” (D&C 19:38).

The Apostle James encourages, “The … fervent prayer of a righteous [person] availeth much” (James 5:16). 

What does fervent mean?  It means intense, sincere, impassioned, and heartfelt.  Have you had prayers like that, so intense that you feel as if the very flesh of your heart is being torn? I have.  It may not sound pleasant to some but I honestly cherish such moments in prayer only because I know I'm in the safest possible place to be so raw and exposed.

In the scriptures we are commanded to "pray always." How is this done? Alma 34:27 teaches us to keep our prayers in our hearts, “When you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.” 

Prayer is the key that unlocks the door of revelation.

President Boyd K. Packer counseled, "Learn to pray. Pray often. Pray in your mind, in your heart. Pray on your knees. Prayer is your personal key to heaven. The lock is on your side of the veil. And I have learned to conclude all my prayers with 'Thy will be done'" (Matthew 6:10; see also Luke 11:2; 3 Nephi 13:10).

In direct answer to my prayers yesterday, I was led straight to a talk from conference all about perspective.  Interesting that my Heavenly Father would give me the same counsel my earthly father gave me so many years ago.  I guess I still have a lot of growing up to do.

The story of my life is like a gigantic jigsaw puzzle.  Through prayer I have laid all the pieces across the table.  I graciously thank my loving Father in Heaven for the exciting opportunity of putting together this picture of my life with Him.  He watches over me and gives me help as I ask.  There's an amazing sense of satisfaction when I find pieces that snap perfectly into place, knowing just how and why they relate, revealing more of the bigger picture.

Then I have this group of other pieces; I know they are part of the puzzle, I've held them, examined them closely, and searched for their appropriate position.  I can see the colors and style of cut match with the overall puzzle. I know they belong in the big picture somehow, so I hang on to them. Sometimes I gaze at them for hours...  for the life of me, I cannot see how they can even be possible. I want to find their place!  Like a child, I grow frustrated and discouraged and cry out to my Father, "I don't want to deal with these pieces anymore! I don't know where they belong!"
He lovingly tells me, "Then don't try to make them fit right now, Alicia, and don't quit or throw these ones away either.   Keep putting together the pieces you do understand and one by one, over time, you will see exactly how these other ones belong in your life and you will know right where they go. Be patient."
This brought me comfort.  I pray for patience.

In this same talk Elder Rafael E. Pino shares a story about the raw marble and how the sculptor sees the finished piece:
"As the sculptor was chiseling a block of marble, a boy came every day and watched shyly. When the figure of David emerged and appeared from that stone, complete for all the world to admire, the boy asked Michelangelo, ‘How did you know he was in there?"

This was also what I needed to hear and caused me to recall the lyrics to my Masterpiece, the song I played over and over and memorized into my heart so many years ago.

I love how personal my Father in Heaven is.  I love and cherish the power of prayer.  I thank Him for His devotion to such an impatient soul.  He gently guides and lovingly listens.  He has provided me with His words through scripture, through His servants, and through the Spirit of revelation.  What an invaluable truth!

-Alicia

Learning CharACTer

When working through difficulties or particular challenges, how often have we heard the phrase, "This will be good for you, it builds character."

What is character?

It is the sum of the soul.  It is the qualities and attributes that make up one's personality, who they truly are. It is character that determines destiny, NOT appearances, prestige, popularity, or circumstance.  

How is character reveled within each of us?  Martin Luther King taught, "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."  

In Lectures on Faith, Joseph Smith described that one of the three things "necessary in order that any rational and intelligent being may exercise faith in [the Father and Son] unto life and salvation is a correct idea of [Their] character, perfections, and attributes:" (page 33)

How do we gain a correct idea of the character of Christ?  We observe and study His life and His teachings... but there's more to learning than just studying, it must also be by faith. - D&C 109:7

"Faith is a principle of action... Faith in Jesus Christ is the first principle of the gospel and is more than belief, since true faith always moves its possessor to some kind of physical and mental action."

 -Bible Dictionary 

There's an old saying that you never truly understand a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes.  In order to understand the character of Christ, we must "walk a mile" in His shoes, we must try to be like Him in whatever circumstances.  Learning to walk in the footsteps of the Savior doesn't happen overnight.  The Lord is patient with us just as a father is patient with his children when they attempt to take their first steps.  Every time they stumble, he encourages them to keep trying and his heart is overjoyed with every success.  It requires constant effort and God is proud of all who are sincerely and genuinely doing their best.   

Learning the character of Christ requires acting out what we learn.  And in order to "act" out what we have learned from our great Teacher, we must be given circumstances that test us and try us.  Because of this knowledge, I am grateful for the challenges that confront me.  Challenges are opportunities for me to exercise my agency, to practice in faith/action what I have learned by study.  

Learning the CharACTer of Christ comes from acting as He would act, from practicing over and over what He would do.   

I am genuinely grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who is incredibly patient with me.  He doesn't scorn me when I stumble but sees it as a "good fall" because he sees my heart, He sees I'm trying.  The faith He places in me stirs within my soul a greater love and admiration for His character, I have a greater desire to become as He is.  So I'll keep learning, keep practicing, keep trying, and through His amazing grace, I won't just walk, I'll run!

"Live your life to be a good example of what you believe—in word and deed. How we live our religion is far more important than what we may say about our religion.

Our Savior’s Second Coming is drawing nearer. Let us not delay in this great cause. Remember Captain Moroni, who hoisted the title of liberty inscribed with the words “In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children.”  Let us remember the people’s response: exercising their agency, they “came running together” with a covenant to act.

My beloved brothers and sisters, don’t walk! Run! Run to receive the blessings of agency by following the Holy Ghost and exercising the freedoms God has given us to do His will." 

- Elder Robert D. Hales

(Also see - The transforming Power of Faith and Character by, Richard G. Scott)

One thing I really love about this video is it's not just a loving father who encourages but also loving brothers and sisters.  How thankful I am for my brothers and sisters in the Gospel who cheer and inspire me every step of the way. Oh how I love them!

-Alicia

By the Spirit of Revelation

(This talk never grows old to me.    Sometimes I doubt that which I felt was revelation... not because I doubt God.... but because I doubt myself.  I am aware of my weaknesses and it's easy to feel after receiving a very clear answer through fasting and prayer that it was all in my head.  I truly need this encouragement as I continue to seek revelation in my life.  These are the parts of Elder Holland's talk that encouraged me most today.)

.............

"I... believe that the adversary and his pinched, calculating little minions try to oppose [our revelation] experiences and then try to darken them after they happen. But that is not the way of the gospel. That is not the way of a Latter-day Saint who claims as the fundamental fact of the Restoration the spirit of revelation. Fighting through darkness and despair and pleading for the light is what opened this dispensation. It is what keeps it going, and it is what will keep you going. With Paul, I say to all of you:

“Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.  For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.” 

"With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now."

"Like Moses in that vision, there may come after the fact some competing doubts and confusion, but it will pale when you measure it against the real thing. Remember the real thing. Remember how urgently you have needed help in earlier times and you got it. The Red Sea will open to the honest seeker of revelation."

"Oliver Cowdery, who missed the opportunity of a lifetime because he didn’t seize it in the lifetime of the opportunity, the Lord said, “You did not continue as you commenced.” Does that sound familiar to those who have been illuminated and then knuckled under to second thoughts and returning doubts?"

"After you have gotten the message, after you have paid the price to feel His love and hear the word of the Lord, go forward."

"If God has told you something is right, if something is indeed true for you, He will provide the way for you to accomplish it."

-Jeffrey R. Holland

Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence

The Need To Breathe

 It is said that a dispassionate young man approached the Greek philosopher and casually said, "O great Socrates, I come to you for knowledge."

The philosopher took the young man down to the sea, waded in with him, and then dunked him under the water for thirty seconds.

When he let the young man up for air, Socrates asked him to repeat what he wanted. "Knowledge, O great one," he sputtered.

Socrates put him under the water again, only this time a little longer.

After repeated dunkings and responses, the philosopher asked, "What do you want?" The young man finally gasped, "Air. I want air!"

"Good," answered Socrates. "Now, when you want knowledge as much as you wanted air, you shall have it.

.................

I must have been about 18 or 19 when I discovered the song, "Masterpiece" by, Julie De Azevedo.  I fell in love with the lyrics because they expressed so perfectly the feelings I had in my own heart.  I listened to it so much that I could have sung it in my sleep.  This song is my soul's most sincere desire. I want to know my Father in Heaven's will for me, I want it written on my heart.  I want to become who He would have me become!!  I need this like I need to breathe.

- Alicia

.................

Masterpiece

Simple clay in a potter's hand, an empty page and an author's pen,
An artist's brush to a canvas white, and a work of art comes to life.
Marble raw, but the sculptor sees, the masterpiece that lies beneath.
Though rough and marred the Master's touch, will change this life, into his work of love.
So everyday I pray...

He'll write His will upon my heart, Mold my soul to His design,
Adding color depth and light, And polishing until I shine shine shine!
Oh my heart is in His hands, He's painting the life He'd have me lead.
Through refining floods and flames, He's smoothing edges and the seams,
And in time time time, Oh this simple life will be ....
A Masterpiece

Snowy peaks, water-color skys, His works of beauty fill my eyes
But He sees nothing more beautiful than a heart submissive to His will

I want to know His will!

So everyday I pray...
He'll write His will upon my heart, Mold my soul to His design,
Adding color depth and light, And polishing until I shine shine shine!
Oh my heart is in His hands, He's painting the life He'd have me lead.
Through refining floods and flames, He's smoothing edges and the seams,
And in time time time, Oh this simple life will be ....
A Masterpiece
My Master's Masterpiece

- Julie De Azevedo

My Prayer

My Prayer 

Fill my mind with virtue, 

Keep it free from sin. 

Fill my heart with love unfeigned, 

Root out bitterness within. 

May my lips be seared 

From any unkind word, 

Let Thy Spirit guide my tongue 

So angels can be heard. 

Keep me from complaint, 

From ever wanting more. 

Help me see all that I have 

And all that lies in store. 

Open up my ears to hear 

Thy will for me this day. 

Seal my wandering heart to Thee 

And never let me stray. 

Bless my hands with power 

To lift those hanging down. 

Fill my soul with Thy light, 

Make my smile turn their frown. 

Keep my feet upon the path 

That leads me straight to Thee. 

Let me walk with confidence, 

Trusting all I cannot see. 

Strip me from my foolish pride, 

From all desire for praise. 

Help me bring souls unto Christ 

Give Him glory all my days.

By, Alicia Rawlins

2011

Continuing and Confirming Revelation

Arriving home from church yesterday, I walked through the door and found myself greeted by the sweet sound of General Conference playing.  "Well, this is nice!" I said to my kids "Who decided to put this on?"
"I did," my oldest son said proudly.
In a spirit of congratulations I hugged him, "Way to lead, Bud! Way to lead!"
It's those moments that mean the most to me as a mother.
I gathered a few things together and then went right back out the door with my youngest to run a couple of errands.
When I returned I was pleased to hear the conference talks were still playing, I gathered my scriptures and made the attempt for some personal gospel study but soon found it completely futile trying to stay awake.
 It's extremely rare for me to ever take Sunday afternoon naps but the exhaustion from my experiences this past week hit me hard and I gave in to finding a little rest.

After about a half hour or so I awoke to the voice of Elder Eyring saying,
"Heavenly Father hears your prayers. He loves you. He knows your name. Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and our Redeemer. He loves you beyond your ability to comprehend. God pours out revelation, through the Holy Ghost, on His children. He speaks to His prophet on the earth, who today is Thomas S. Monson. I witness that he holds and exercises all the keys of the priesthood on earth. As you listen in this conference to the words of those God has called to speak for Him, I pray that you will receive the confirming revelation you need to find your way on the journey home..."

Hearing this made me smile.  I love how the Lord always finds a way to tell me exactly what I need in just the right moments. I look forward to April Conference beginning this Saturday and continuing the following weekend.  Hearing the words of the Lord through His prophets is always a spiritual feast for me.  It fills my hungry soul, gives me greater vision, and strengthens me to have the faith to step out into the unknown.

Today, I thumbed through a stack of old Ensigns in an attempt to find the printed version of the talk from October's 2014 conference I heard yesterday.  The cover of the August issue 2013 caught my attention.  I thought we had thrown away all of our of 2013 issues because we only keep Ensigns for about 16 months but I was glad we had somehow held on to this one because featured on the front page were two talks on revelation.

"Revelation is a reality.  It comes in the Lord's way and according to the Lord's timetable...  I have noted that most revelation to the children of God comes when they are on the move, not when they are sitting back in their habitations waiting for the Lord to tell them the first step to take."- Dallin H. Oaks

"As we repeatedly respond to the Light of Christ and train ourselves to 'lay hold upon every good thing' (Moroni 7:19), we increase our sensitivity to the things of the Spirit and enhance our ability to receive messages from our eternal home... We must each find and then guard a time each day to remember these words of the Lord: 'All flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God' (D&C 101:16) A segment of time when we can be still, quiet, and removed from our busyness will help recenter us, refocus our priorities , and bring us back into a position to receive and feel the messages our Heavenly Father wishes to send us." - Elder Patrick Kearon

Coming across such articles two days in a row confirms solidly to me that the Lord is aware of my heart.  He hears my prayers and desires to be open to personal revelation, to truly have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart that understands His will for me in my life's journey.  I testify that He delights to prove to us His faithfulness.  As we sincerely seek Him first in life He promises, "Prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." - Malachi 3:10

"Not room enough to receive it" is a perfect description because I have felt Him bless my life like a flood. I am completely overwhelmed by His goodness!

This song is one of my favorites and brings me to tears.  I love to listen to it when I go running and watch the sun rise over the crest of the mountains.  I have never seen the music video for it until today.  It's a perfect video though because it makes this overwhelming feeling even more poignant as I ponder upon my experiences this past week at the United Nations and the friendships I made among the beautiful women of Africa: the Congo, Nigeria, Kenya, Malawi and others. My heart is so full.  God is so very good.

"Prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not 

open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, 

that there shall not be room enough to receive it." 

- Malachi 3:10

Overwhelmed

by, Big Daddy Weave

-Alicia

Our Youth, Our Hope

Untied Families International invited our group of women to team up with them in an event the first of its kind at a United Nations convention.  Amelia from UFI informed me over the phone, "Its going to be like one big Family Home Evening."  The time slot given to UFI by the UN just happened to be on a Monday night, how fitting. We had a few powerful musical numbers and a panel of speakers planned to share inspiring stories of their mothers and grandmothers, to inspire the spirit of Elijah.  We hoped the people would walk away with a greater desire to return home and not only strengthen their families but encourage everyone in their sphere of influence to do the same.
http://utahvalley360.com/2015/03/17/lds-women-defend-motherhood-standing-room-un-event/

Early morning prior to our "combined effort event, " we stood in line with a host of nationalities waiting for the UN gates to open so we could get our badges that would allow us entrance to the convention.
I said to my friend Jeanette, "If we want a ton of people to come tonight, now is the perfect time to invite them.  Everyone is just standing here."
"I'm with you Alicia, let's go," she said.

One by one we went about shaking hands, introducing ourselves and inviting them to our event.  Among the crowd, we met a long line of about 25 youth between the ages of 17 to 21.  From the moment my eyes met theirs and I opened my mouth to speak to them, there was a connection!  Their faces bright and their spirits radiating out so tangible, "I know these youth," I thought to myself.  In my heart I swore I had seen each of their faces before.  They listened to my invitation intently.  They were Catholic students from universities in Mexico and Ecuador (The two countries my sweet nephews are currently serving in as missionaries.) I explained that the intent our event was to awaken an awareness of the importance of faith and family. They smiled affirmatively as if I needn't say anymore.  Their mission was the same on almost every level.  It was miraculous.

I watched them attend various presentations put on by other groups, opposing groups.  These youth were not afraid to stand up and speak. I was in awe of their equanimity!  For the duration of the week we showed support by attending one another's events...  Each time meeting up, building many more great stories to be told.

It's interesting that this is the year the United Nations sets the agenda in place that will be in effect for the next 15 years.  Currently as the Post 2015 Agenda stands, there is no wording at all to protect the family.  We came here to change that and never before has the UN seen such a large presence of pro-family/ pro-faith groups.  We pray our voices will be heard.

How fitting that this group of mothers would convene with these valiant youth at "such a time as this!" It makes sense, mothers and youth - the two parts of society that are targeted and exploited more than any others are the very ones who are standing up, charging forward bold and brave at the front-lines of the battle.

I came here to the UN expecting to be weighed down with the force of opposition undermining our basic institution.  And believe me, the force is heavy and I have learned things that have forever changed my perspective, some of which are nightmares realized, horrific and frightening beyond description, things that the majority of society is completely ignorant to, things that are hard for me to explain.

But with these youth, I was lifted.  

Last night was the final time I would see them.  I embraced each one of these young men and women and thanked them for who they are, for their courage, for the light of Christ that is so evident in their eyes.  With tears of gratitude I thanked them for giving me the unexpected at this convention....

 HOPE!

 -Alicia

"Rejoice Evermore"

I love experiences where you pour your whole soul and heart out in prayer and then go to the scriptures and find words that speak directly to you.  Yesterday in family scripture study, both my husband and I took a few minutes to bear testimony of this principle.

I treasure my sacred moments with the Lord, where I can pray out loud and hold nothing back from Him.  He hears me and He knows everything in my heart.

I'm almost finished with "Increase in Learning" the first book of a three part series by, David A. Bednar.  If there is one thing I desire more to learn than anything else, it is to have a greater measure of the Spirit in my life.  I want eyes to see clearly and to be able to discern between truth and error every minute of every day.  It's easy for me to pray about but harder to apply.  I am thankful that I have a merciful Heavenly Father who is patient with me in my weakness.

After some pretty soulful prayers yesterday, I opened my book by Elder Bednar and saw he had listed several scriptures in the context of his writing.  I took a few minutes to look up each scripture and through that process came across some that I truly needed to hear!

"Fear not [Alicia], let your heart be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;  Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament - the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.  Therefore, He giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted [or will be afflicted] shall work together for your good, and to my name's glory, saith the Lord"  - D&C 98:1-3

Then in cross-reference, I read these scriptures:

"Blessed be the Lord, because He hath heard the voice of my supplications.  The Lord is my strength and my shield: my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise Him." - Psalms 28:6-7

"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait I say on the Lord." - Psalms 27:14

I resolve today to rejoice and give thanks in all things. I truly have SO MUCH to be thankful for.  What a wonderful, wonderful life I have right here and NOW.  I am so richly blessed!   I know my prayers are heard.  I trust that "[My] God doth undertake to guide [my] future as he has [my] past. [My] hope, [my] confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last." - Be Still My Soul 

I want to focus on the present moments and not let the little opportunities I have with my husband and my children to pass me by.  And with each moment I'm given here and now, I want to make the kinds of choices that better prepare me for what lies ahead, even though I can't see what that means for me.  Ultimately, I am preparing to meet my Savior when He returns to earth or when I leave this life - I want to be ready, I want to live by the Spirit and have my lamp full and trimmed, adorned for Him by the choices I've made and all I've treasured in my heart upon this journey.

-Alicia

"Everything we hope to accomplish in the future, how we prepare for the responsibilities that will ultimately be ours, is really a function of what we do today. Though some things about the future will always seem uncertain, the future is not entirely a mystery. To a great extent the future is shaped by the accumulation of all our daily activities and disciplined efforts." - Craig C. Christensen
"Tomorrow is Today"

Feels Like Home

You know that feeling you get when you walk into a loved-one's home where family is gathered for dinner, that feeling when you are greeted with warm embraces, well-known faces, and the aroma of freshly baked rolls?  Well, it was that kind of feeling I had experienced...  and it's funny because the place I entered into at that moment was one I had never set foot in before.  I didn't even know the tenants and had just barely met the landlord who was giving me and my husband "the tour."  The apartment was cluttered with boxes and junk everywhere, nothing was cooking and I'm quite certain the actual smell of the place was not a flavorful aroma.  Yet as sure as anything, when I walked through that door, I had a very clear and distinct experience.

After our tour of the place, my husband and I walked back to our little red Nissan. He pulled out a paper and scribbled down some notes as I sat in silence and tried to make sense of what just happened.
Then turning to my husband, I asked in a perplexed tone, "Did you feel that!??"
"Feel what?" He asked
"That was really strange." I said staring back at the apartment building.
"What was really strange?" He prodded.
"When we walked through that apartment, I felt like I was entering a family member's home.  The atmosphere, everything about the place... I could practically smell freshly baked rolls too.  And yet, there was none of that.  Joseph, it was so crazy!   I felt it so strong.  It was a feeling like 'coming home!'"

A few weeks passed and it turned out that small apartment did end up being our home.  It's probably a good thing I had such a strong feeling when we toured our little place because I was not impressed with the fact that there were no washer or dryer hookups and there wasn't much of a yard for the kids to play in either.  (Besides, we had another option of a place we liked a little better just about three blocks south if only we could make the follow-up contact with that landlord.)  But here we are and we have lived in this place almost four times as long as we have lived anywhere else.

Now in retrospect, I can't help but think of the numerous occasions I came to Provo before my husband ever even started school here.

Come to think of it, this is actually where I lived for the very first month of my life.  There was no room for me at the Newborn Intensive Care Unit in SLC so they flew me here.   My mom would drive two hours round-trip every day to UV Hospital in order to nurse me for those first several weeks.  This was my first home.

Provo was a place my husband visited often his whole life.  Ever since he was a little boy, his family has had the tradition of coming down to Provo for two things; Memorial Day and the Freedom Festival.  We married in the fall of 1999 so the very next year was my first time joining him in those two family traditions.  Since 2000 I have been coming to these events here every single year.

Every Memorial Day we'd visit the cemetery, get pictures taken with his family and have a lovely little picnic at one of Provo's parks.  For the Freedom Festival, we always came to watch the big parade and camped out several times in front of the Library on University Avenue. My personal favorite was running over to the baseball field to see the hot air balloons launch at sunrise.

Year after year we came to Provo.  Little did I know then that I would move here.  Little did I know how I would completely fall in love with this place or that here my dreams would come true.  But I know now, without any doubt that the Lord has been guiding me all along.  It's exciting to think about because He continues to guide me.  It's true... I don't know what my future holds but I know Who holds my future.  I trust Him.

I look ahead prospectively at BYU and am so happy to say now that I will be staying for a very long time. This is where I'm meant to be. This is truly home to me.

-Alicia

A Mountain Under My Feet

June 8th, 1996 - 

We hiked the summit of Timp to celebrate my high school graduation that took place a couple of days earlier.

As I stood on that summit and looked across the valley, I was absolutely breath-taken with the view and the incredible feeling of accomplishment of having an entire mountain under my feet!  I'd like to say that at that moment in my life,  I had confidence in my abilities to achieve other great things too. But the truth is, I didn't.  I never even bothered trying to get into BYU because I was certain that I wouldn't make it.  I ended up settling for the Community College and admittedly I enjoyed my schooling there.  I was heavily involved on the Institute Council and really liked my classes.  

After about a year, I discovered some good friends of mine were applying to be EFY counselors.  They encouraged me to do the same.  I loved the idea of having some sort of "BYU experience" in my life and thought, "If I can't get in as a student, maybe I could at least teach the youth and live on campus for a summer." I applied, but didn't make it in.  It was an un-achievable dream in my heart, "Who was I kidding anyway?"  My flame of hope had gone out...   But I believe somewhere deep within me, there must have still been an ember.  

Years later, when my husband Joseph got accepted to BYU's Science program in the spring of 2008, I think I was more excited than he was.  In fact, he was debating whether or not to accept a separate offer at the University of Utah.  I remember eagerly encouraging him, "Honey, you have to take this!!  It's BYU, how can there be any debate in your mind?!"

That June, we packed up our little family and moved to Provo for him to go to school. (I was a couple of weeks away from the due date of my forth child.)  Joseph spent many hours up on campus so I would often take the children with me to visit him in his research office.  So many times, as I walked up those stairs in the Science building, I would look out the large window across campus and think to myself, "some day, I want it to be my turn here."  He graduated in August of 2012 and I was happy to have had some sort of "BYU experience", even if it was vicariously through him.

 After his Bachelor of Science, I anticipated that we would move on somewhere for my husband to get his Masters or that he would find a job in Texas or Florida working with their space programs or something like that.  When nothing progressed in that direction and he showed no interest to go any further in school, I thought, "Well then, I'll go!" 

A series of events unfolded and in the spring of 2013 I knew that I needed to make the attempt for BYU.  It would be another year though until I finally applied.  I was denied and was completely heartbroken.   The next few days I gathered myself together and immediately applied again.  

This time... I GOT IN!!! 

I cannot even begin to express the excitement I feel.  I reflect back on the day I celebrated my high school graduation on the summit of that mountain. Last fall, I was thrilled to hike Timp again.  I felt as if it was a symbol of the beginning of my new journey. Only this time, I had confidence.

Now with BYU finally a reality in my own life, the feelings I have in my heart today are much the same as I've had atop that summit:

Here I am, standing on the edge of my dreams looking out and realizing they are coming true.  Twelve-thousand feet high, the view from up here is exhilarating!!!  I breathe in deep, close my eyes, and savor the rays of sun on my face. My arms stretch open as wide as the blue sky before me.  I feel like I could embrace the whole world. My heart beats wildly with elated anticipation. I smile. God is good, so very, very good!  I breathe in deep again.  The fresh mountain air seems to electrify every part of my body. I'm full of hope, full of faith, ... 

I know God is guiding me...  

And now....  

I'm stepping off this ledge with both feet....  

Watch... 

me... 

2014

2015 Timp

My "Super-star" signature once again on this summit.

FLY!!!  

I found my star from last year!  It wasn't painted over, yay!
"2014 The year my dreams came true!"

-Alicia  :)