In Between "Once Upon a Time" and "Happily Ever After"

The program for Young Women's in Excellence is in one week.  The girls have been practicing a song called, "Happily Ever After".  It's a beautiful song!

I must admit that I have a knee-jerk skepticism when I hear these story-book words.  I guess I sometimes worry that in the church, there may be youth who grow up thinking that if they find a returned missionary and get married in the Temple, that they've reached their destination and everything will be daisies and blue skies from there on out.  It's just not that simple.

I confess, as a young girl, I'd hear stories of handsome princes and princesses, white horses, knights in shining armor, and of course, happily ever after.  Dreamily, I'd imagine myself being that princess who gets swept off her feet and rides blissfully into the sunset with the man of her dreams... call me a hopeless romantic, but what young girl doesn't dream that?!  I have to laugh.  As I've grown older, so has my disbelief of such things, where does that ever happen in the real world?

But maybe I'm looking beyond the mark, maybe there is something I have forgotten in these stories, something more true to reality?  The place in between "once upon a time" and "happily ever after" -

"In each of these stories, Cinderella, Belle, and the miller’s daughter have to experience sadness and trial before they can reach their “happily ever after.” Think about it. Has there ever been a person who did not have to go through his or her own dark valley of temptation, trial, and sorrow?

Sandwiched between their “once upon a time” and “happily ever after,” they all had to experience great adversity. Why must all experience sadness and tragedy? Why could we not simply live in bliss and peace, each day filled with wonder, joy, and love?  The scriptures tell us there must be opposition in all things, for without it we could not discern the sweet from the bitter." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

There's a bridge between the chorus of Jenny Phillip's song that says:
When the forests fills with darkness
And wolves seek your soul
Just know
You are simply in the place between
Your once upon a time and your triumph in the end

I wonder if she wrote this song based off of President Uchtdorf's talk?  I don't know.  But I'm glad she included this part.  There is an effectual struggle to be made before we reach our promised land.

With these two quotes in mind, I'd like to call this "place in between"  the place of becoming.  I find it fitting that Sunday's lesson for the YW is "Who am I and who can I become?" The question "who can I become" makes me think of the Parable of the 10 Virgins.  Five became a bride and five did not. Why?

Perhaps the five that were foolish were so busy obsessing over other things that they were too distracted to prepare for the groom. Or maybe they simply didn't care, or they were too caught up in selfish questions such as "What kind of man will he be for me?  I wonder what he will give me?  How will he love me? How will he fill my needs?"

Perhaps the five that were wise had a different focus, a vision that saw outside themselves, asking questions such as, "What kind of woman can I become for him? What can I do to serve him?  What will he need?  How will I love him?"

The difference in these questions are incredibly significant: the foolish are centered on those things they have no control over, they surrender their agency and leave themselves to be acted upon. They think that outside sources and others will be the ones to make them happy.  But it's just not so.

The wise instead are centered on those things that they can do, how they can love, they are agents unto themselves. They are not conditioned upon outside sources because their choice comes from within. They will prepare, serve, and love, regardless of response, regardless if it seems like forever.

Like the oil in their lamps, so is love.  Only pure and sincere love for the bridegroom will transform these women into the brides they are meant to be. Pure love, undefiled, must spring up from one's own heart, it cannot be bought or bargained, manipulated or stolen.  No one can force another person to love them the way they want to be loved.  Instead they must become the person they dream of.  Keep note, this "becoming"is not for the faint in heart.  It requires years and years of blood, sweat, and tears, so many tears.  But it's worth it!

Now, I shared earlier my skepticism of prince charming...  but I must tell you that I've discovered a real-life fairy tale in the scriptures.  Yes, this story really did happen! Though, I've taken some liberties (okay, a lot of liberties) in how it's worded but you'll recognize it.

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Once upon a time, long ago in a land far, far away.  There lived a woman who was very lonely even though she did not live alone.  She was not married to the man she lived with and had in fact been married five times before.  In every relationship she worked hard to make it meaningful, hoping that she would be acknowledged and appreciated, loved and admired.  She would think to herself that truly, all she needed to be happy was for someone to tell her she was beautiful and worthy, accepted and adored.  But time after time her dreams were shattered as harsh reality settled in.  In all her rejection, she began to feel empty and insecure and even a little bitter at the hand she had been dealt. "I thought being married would make me happy, but it hasn't, where did I go wrong and what could possibly fill my loneliness?" she questioned herself.

One day the woman's thirst for acceptance ailed her so fiercely that she traveled to a place where everyone else in the village went to drink.  She was startled to find a stranger there, a man she had never met before. He seemed to be waiting for her.  As she approached him, she was shocked at his greeting for she perceived him as one who would never speak to her type.  She wondered what he was doing there for he had brought nothing to draw water out with.  Clearly his intention for being in that place was different than her own.  She was surprised how well he seemed to know her... how did he know her?  His eyes were like fire and she felt as if he could see deep into her heart... a heart that had grown cold and full of sorrow.  She glanced down at the ground in shame, then was quickly drawn to his gaze again.  There, he looked at her. The warmth from his eyes began to penetrate her soul and her lifeless heart began to beat again.  His voice was soothing, like rain pouring from the clouds onto parched desert ground.  Who was this man and why hadn't she discovered him before?  His countenance was kind and his presence seemed to overwhelm her with a feeling that she could not describe.  She sat by his side and listened to him speak. She found herself absorbing every word out of his mouth. Something was changing inside of her, she felt different, like a new person. She noticed that her thirst for the water at the well had left her, she had no more desire for it.  No longer did she care if she was beautiful or adored, accepted or acknowledged.  None of that mattered.  Somehow, with him, she knew she already was. Here was her prince, the one she had been longing for!

Light filled her soul, like rays of sun through a window, and as she turned to return home she felt a spring in her step, gratitude for the simple things, purpose in her heart, and joy for the day. She began to look for and see the good in others.  No longer would she serve to be noticed or recognized, loved or adored, because she knew she already was!   Instead, her only desire was to bring everyone to the man who gave her new life, to the Savior, Jesus Christ. So, that is what she did for the rest of her days and she lived happily ever after.  John 4:5-26 - Isaiah 54:4-8, 10-13

-Alicia