Holding On!

One of my favorite stories in the scriptures is when Jesus calls Peter out onto the water.  Matthew 14:25-33 

With that... I think "In the strength of the Lord" makes a great talk to follow-up those verses.

....Of course, if I throw in a perfect talk, I've got to throw in a perfect song to go along side it too.  ;)

Holding On to You

Godly Fear Dispels Mortal Fear

I got up at 4:30 this morning as to assure me some time to finish my homework due for class today.   I missed my regular study time last night to participate in a face to face broadcast with Elder Bednar.  It was a very worthy exchange!  I love Elder Bednar's words!!!  I've been reading his series of books, Increase in Learning, Act in Doctrine, and Power to Become.

I crawled out of bed and went out to my favorite spot in my living room to pray, my little place of treasured communion with my Father.  I had a lot to do within a few short hours but I wanted to start my day off right.  I cracked open the scriptures and read more words on faith and trust, some of which seemed to speak my name, "Prepare your mind [Alicia]. [I] exhort you unto faith and to patience." (Alma 34:3)  

Ah, yes... faith and patience.  I pray for that with all of my heart.

I was blessed to have finished my homework sooner than expected.  This was an answer to my prayer because I was anxious to take a moment to soak up some comforting words and turned to Elder Bednar's recent conference address.  
... Ah, Just what I needed.  

I have shared below the parts that stood out to me the most.  What a blessing that we have this fountain of living water, these words of the living prophets, the scriptures, and our communion with our Father in Heaven through prayer.  They restore my soul!

-Alicia

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Mortal Fear
"The distressing emotion of fear arises because of impending danger, uncertainty, or pain and through experiences that are unexpected, sometimes sudden, and likely to produce a negative outcome.

Fear is dispelled through a correct knowledge of and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ

Nephi declared: “Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life” (2 Nephi 31:20).

The disciplined endurance described in this verse is the result of spiritual understanding and vision, persistence, patience, and God’s grace. Exercising faith in and on the holy name of Jesus Christ, meekly submitting to His will and timing in our lives, and humbly acknowledging His hand in all things yield the peaceable things of the kingdom of God that bring joy and eternal life (see D&C 42:61). Even as we encounter difficulties and face the uncertainties of the future, we can cheerfully persevere and live a “peaceable life in all godliness and honesty” (1 Timothy 2:2).

We can be blessed to hush our fears as we receive the fortitude that comes from learning and living gospel principles and resolutely pressing forward on the covenant pathway."

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Godly Fear

"The righteous fear I am attempting to describe encompasses a deep feeling of reverence, respect, and awe for the Lord Jesus Christ (see Psalm 33:8; 96:4), obedience to His commandments (see Deuteronomy 5:29; 8:6; 10:12; 13:4; Psalm 112:1)

Godly fear “is the beginning of knowledge” (Proverbs 1:7), “the instruction of wisdom” (Proverbs 15:33), a “strong confidence” (Proverbs 14:26), and “a fountain of life” (Proverbs 14:27).

Godly fear is loving and trusting in Him. As we fear God more completely, we love Him more perfectly. And “perfect love casteth out all fear” (Moroni 8:16). I promise the bright light of godly fear will chase away the dark shadows of mortal fears (see D&C 50:25) as we look to the Savior, build upon Him as our foundation, and press forward on His covenant path with consecrated commitment.

I love and revere the Lord. His power and peace are real. He is our Redeemer, and I witness He lives. And because of Him, our hearts need not be troubled or afraid (see John 14:27), and we will be blessed to hush our fears." 

- David A. Bednar (Therefore They Hushed Their Fears)

12 Things I Believe

Twelve Things I Believe

I believe in FIGHTING...

With everything I've got to keep my family together.

I believe in HATING...

The sin and not the sinner.

I believe in GIVING UP...

Trying to predict the future, and instead,

Embrace every moment I'm given here and now.

I believe in DYING...

That I might live through Christ.

I believe in FEAR...

Of God and God alone -

For fear of man only breeds cowardice, jealousy, and greed.

I believe in QUITTING...

Any habits that erode my agency & sense of self-worth,

Or anyone else's for that matter.

I believe in SURRENDERING...

My will to God's will, He sees the bigger picture.

I believe TRAGEDY...

Can lead to triumph.

I believe HEARTBREAK...

Can lead to healing.

I believe DARKNESS...

Has no power over light.

I believe in MY PAIN...

I can learn empathy and compassion for others.

I believe I AM NOTHING...

On my own and in my own strength, I am weak,

But through Christ, I can do all things.

-Alicia Rawlins

Only One Way to Live

My heart is heavy today.  I have two funerals to attend to within this next week, one this Saturday and the other next Thursday.

Saturday is the funeral for the father of my friend, Nathan. He is no stranger to sorrow and suffering.  Eight years ago, Nathan lost his wife in a horrific and tragic way.  I'm happy to say he's remarried now but he still has many sorrows.  I pray for him.

Naturally, with these events, I've been thinking a lot about life and death.  How fragile life is and how strange death can be. We just never know when will be our last day on earth.  I hope to live past 100. But if I do die young, I hope it's quick.

Years ago, my daughter, Miriam, used to cry herself to sleep at night because she would worry so much about the vulnerability of life.  If there was a movie we would watch where someone died from cancer or a heart attack, she'd have nightmares for weeks.  One particular night, I laid by her side in her bed scratching her little back, trying to console her.  Her tiny voice stammered as she listed off all the "what if's" that plagued her mind.  "Oh Miriam," I said soothingly, "You are right.  There are so many ways we can die... so many ways that we cannot even begin to list them all.  We knew when we came to this earth it would not be forever.  Death is part of life and it has to happen to all of us in order to live again, to return to our Father in Heaven.  We just don't know when that will be and we can't really control it.  But that doesn't matter.  What matters is how we live. And, Who does life come from?" I asked her. "Jesus," she answered. "That's right. Through Him, is the only way to live." I recited to her Matthew 10:28.  I assured, "the only thing we need to concern ourselves about is if we are trying to live like Jesus." That seemed to calm her and she was finally able to sleep.  Many nights after that, I would have to reassure her of our conversation, "Remember, there are a million ways to die and only one way to live."  Since then, this phrase has become a common saying in our family.

Now, all I have to do is start off, "Remember, there are a million....."  And the kids immediately finish the sentence, "...ways to die and only one way to live."   Good. I hope my children never forget it!

I'm gonna carpe this diem!

It was a hot summer afternoon and my dad was on the roof trying to fix our swamp cooler.  For a brief moment, he ran into the house to grab some tools.  I was two years old and felt quite confident in my walking abilities.  My dad was gone. I saw the ladder leaning against our house and wanted to try something new.  I wanted to climb. The ladder was so high! That would be a new adventure my little feet had never experienced.  Upon his return, I was nowhere to be found!  Frantically, he searched everywhere for me, shouting my name. "Alicia! Alicia!"  After several worrisome minutes, that seemed like hours, he heard my voice above him, cheerfully waving, "Hi daddy!"  There I was, sitting triumphantly on the roof of our house, proudly leaning over the rain gutter to show him what I had accomplished.

A year later, my parents took me swimming at the local high school.  My little 3 ½ year-old body could not contain the excitement when I saw the deep blue water in front of me.  I ran from the grasp of my mother's hand and jumped in, plunging several feet above my head.  I didn't know how to swim.  My mom rescued me.  Between the sounds of my coughing and gasping, I could hear her scolding, "Don't you ever jump in like that again! You don't even know how to swim!" Needless to say, I didn't listen to her and I think she had to "rescue" me a few more times that day.

I remember my parents would often say:
"Alicia, you always bite off more than you can chew."
"Alicia, you can't see the forest for the trees."
"Your eyes are bigger than your stomach, Alicia."

Of course, as an adult, I like to think that the spunk I had as a child wasn't all just short-sided naivete or utter insanity... that maybe... just maybe there was a small manifestation of courage and faith in there.

I suppose these memories come to mind because of what lies ahead of me this year: My trip to the UN, trying to go back to school when I still have young children, trying to get into one of the hardest and finest universities, submitting my art into a competition were I have 1.5% chance of being chosen, and just getting adjusted with a new awesome group of home-school moms. The list could go on but these are the major things.

I opened up to my husband last Sunday, " What is happening?  I'm either crazy or the Lord is really wanting me to prove my faith."  I feel like I'm 3 ½ again and that irresistible clear blue water is calling out for me to jump in.  But as strong as that call is, I can also hear voices in my mind telling me, "That's way over your head, Alicia!"  "You're insane!" "Who do you think you are and what do you really have to offer?"

I laid on my back, stared up at the ceiling as tears streamed down my face, and my sweet husband listened to me pour my heart out:  "I'm scared, Joseph, I know this is where the Lord wants me to go, but I don't feel like I have what it takes."  I told him about a song that described exactly how I feel. 

Ready or not, I'm going for this. 

"If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts... Face your doubts. Master your fears. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.' Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you... in the process of revelation and in making important decisions, fear almost always plays a destructive, sometimes paralyzing role... Of course our faith will be tested as we fight through these self-doubts and second thoughts. Some days we will be miraculously led out of Egypt—seemingly free, seemingly on our way—only to come to yet another confrontation, like all that water lying before us. At those times we must resist the temptation to panic and to give up... Nobody had ever crossed the Red Sea this way, but so what? There’s always a first time. With the spirit of revelation, dismiss your fears and wade in with both feet." - Jeffrey R. Holland (Cast not away therefore your confidence.)

- Alicia