Grateful for Grace

I'll be the first to admit I am among the weakest of the weak.  I don't say this to belittle myself, I just say it as a fact... the Lord knows it.  I love this series of books I've been reading by David A. Bednar.  He speaks a lot about the enabling power of Grace.  I have a testimony of God's love and grace for me.  I am even grateful that I have weaknesses, that I have difficult times, and desperate pleas that bring me to my knees.  It is in these moments I dig deeper into my faith, I depend more on my Savior, and strive harder to anchor my heart to Him.  He has never failed me, never left my side, He is my truest Friend.

"I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever." - Alma 26:12

Feeling Grace

"Warm rays of sunlight stream down upon me and dance across my face.

Darkness is dispelled as the morning breaks.

I breathe in the crisp refreshing air that follows a summer rain.

I smile.

I breathe deep again.
I feel blessed, I feel free.

I am home.

A new day has arrived,

I am rested and renewed.

Hope is alive,

It pulses through my veins.

There is nothing I fear,
I am safe here.

And it's only the beginning..."

By, Alicia Rawlins 2009

Your Grace Finds Me

It’s there in the newborn cry

There in the light of every sunrise

There in the shadows of this life

Your great grace

It’s there on the mountain top

There in the everyday and the mundane

There in the sorrow and the dancing

Your great grace

Oh such grace

It’s there on a wedding day

There in the weeping by the graveside

There in the very breath we breathe

Your great grace

The same for the rich and poor

The same for the saint and for the sinner

Enough for this whole wide world

Your great grace

Oh such grace

There in the darkest night of the soul

There in the sweetest songs of victory

Your grace finds me

Yes your grace finds me

So I’m breathing in Your grace

And breathing out Your praise

I’m breathing in Your grace

Forever I’ll be

Breathing in Your grace

And breathing out Your praise

Your grace finds me

Yes Your grace finds me

by, Matt Redman

-Alicia

In Between "Once Upon a Time" and "Happily Ever After"

The program for Young Women's in Excellence is in one week.  The girls have been practicing a song called, "Happily Ever After".  It's a beautiful song!

I must admit that I have a knee-jerk skepticism when I hear these story-book words.  I guess I sometimes worry that in the church, there may be youth who grow up thinking that if they find a returned missionary and get married in the Temple, that they've reached their destination and everything will be daisies and blue skies from there on out.  It's just not that simple.

I confess, as a young girl, I'd hear stories of handsome princes and princesses, white horses, knights in shining armor, and of course, happily ever after.  Dreamily, I'd imagine myself being that princess who gets swept off her feet and rides blissfully into the sunset with the man of her dreams... call me a hopeless romantic, but what young girl doesn't dream that?!  I have to laugh.  As I've grown older, so has my disbelief of such things, where does that ever happen in the real world?

But maybe I'm looking beyond the mark, maybe there is something I have forgotten in these stories, something more true to reality?  The place in between "once upon a time" and "happily ever after" -

"In each of these stories, Cinderella, Belle, and the miller’s daughter have to experience sadness and trial before they can reach their “happily ever after.” Think about it. Has there ever been a person who did not have to go through his or her own dark valley of temptation, trial, and sorrow?

Sandwiched between their “once upon a time” and “happily ever after,” they all had to experience great adversity. Why must all experience sadness and tragedy? Why could we not simply live in bliss and peace, each day filled with wonder, joy, and love?  The scriptures tell us there must be opposition in all things, for without it we could not discern the sweet from the bitter." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

There's a bridge between the chorus of Jenny Phillip's song that says:
When the forests fills with darkness
And wolves seek your soul
Just know
You are simply in the place between
Your once upon a time and your triumph in the end

I wonder if she wrote this song based off of President Uchtdorf's talk?  I don't know.  But I'm glad she included this part.  There is an effectual struggle to be made before we reach our promised land.

With these two quotes in mind, I'd like to call this "place in between"  the place of becoming.  I find it fitting that Sunday's lesson for the YW is "Who am I and who can I become?" The question "who can I become" makes me think of the Parable of the 10 Virgins.  Five became a bride and five did not. Why?

Perhaps the five that were foolish were so busy obsessing over other things that they were too distracted to prepare for the groom. Or maybe they simply didn't care, or they were too caught up in selfish questions such as "What kind of man will he be for me?  I wonder what he will give me?  How will he love me? How will he fill my needs?"

Perhaps the five that were wise had a different focus, a vision that saw outside themselves, asking questions such as, "What kind of woman can I become for him? What can I do to serve him?  What will he need?  How will I love him?"

The difference in these questions are incredibly significant: the foolish are centered on those things they have no control over, they surrender their agency and leave themselves to be acted upon. They think that outside sources and others will be the ones to make them happy.  But it's just not so.

The wise instead are centered on those things that they can do, how they can love, they are agents unto themselves. They are not conditioned upon outside sources because their choice comes from within. They will prepare, serve, and love, regardless of response, regardless if it seems like forever.

Like the oil in their lamps, so is love.  Only pure and sincere love for the bridegroom will transform these women into the brides they are meant to be. Pure love, undefiled, must spring up from one's own heart, it cannot be bought or bargained, manipulated or stolen.  No one can force another person to love them the way they want to be loved.  Instead they must become the person they dream of.  Keep note, this "becoming"is not for the faint in heart.  It requires years and years of blood, sweat, and tears, so many tears.  But it's worth it!

Now, I shared earlier my skepticism of prince charming...  but I must tell you that I've discovered a real-life fairy tale in the scriptures.  Yes, this story really did happen! Though, I've taken some liberties (okay, a lot of liberties) in how it's worded but you'll recognize it.

...................................................

Once upon a time, long ago in a land far, far away.  There lived a woman who was very lonely even though she did not live alone.  She was not married to the man she lived with and had in fact been married five times before.  In every relationship she worked hard to make it meaningful, hoping that she would be acknowledged and appreciated, loved and admired.  She would think to herself that truly, all she needed to be happy was for someone to tell her she was beautiful and worthy, accepted and adored.  But time after time her dreams were shattered as harsh reality settled in.  In all her rejection, she began to feel empty and insecure and even a little bitter at the hand she had been dealt. "I thought being married would make me happy, but it hasn't, where did I go wrong and what could possibly fill my loneliness?" she questioned herself.

One day the woman's thirst for acceptance ailed her so fiercely that she traveled to a place where everyone else in the village went to drink.  She was startled to find a stranger there, a man she had never met before. He seemed to be waiting for her.  As she approached him, she was shocked at his greeting for she perceived him as one who would never speak to her type.  She wondered what he was doing there for he had brought nothing to draw water out with.  Clearly his intention for being in that place was different than her own.  She was surprised how well he seemed to know her... how did he know her?  His eyes were like fire and she felt as if he could see deep into her heart... a heart that had grown cold and full of sorrow.  She glanced down at the ground in shame, then was quickly drawn to his gaze again.  There, he looked at her. The warmth from his eyes began to penetrate her soul and her lifeless heart began to beat again.  His voice was soothing, like rain pouring from the clouds onto parched desert ground.  Who was this man and why hadn't she discovered him before?  His countenance was kind and his presence seemed to overwhelm her with a feeling that she could not describe.  She sat by his side and listened to him speak. She found herself absorbing every word out of his mouth. Something was changing inside of her, she felt different, like a new person. She noticed that her thirst for the water at the well had left her, she had no more desire for it.  No longer did she care if she was beautiful or adored, accepted or acknowledged.  None of that mattered.  Somehow, with him, she knew she already was. Here was her prince, the one she had been longing for!

Light filled her soul, like rays of sun through a window, and as she turned to return home she felt a spring in her step, gratitude for the simple things, purpose in her heart, and joy for the day. She began to look for and see the good in others.  No longer would she serve to be noticed or recognized, loved or adored, because she knew she already was!   Instead, her only desire was to bring everyone to the man who gave her new life, to the Savior, Jesus Christ. So, that is what she did for the rest of her days and she lived happily ever after.  John 4:5-26 - Isaiah 54:4-8, 10-13

-Alicia

This is what it means to be held...

I've just been thinking of this song today in the context of my post from this morning.  The lyrics to this are so beautiful.  I think of the Savior and His loving arms every time I hear this song.

"Held"
by, Natalie Grant

Two months is too little

They let him go

They had no sudden healing

To think that providence

Would take a child from his mother

While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued

What has changed and

Why should we be saved from nightmares

Were asking why this happens to us

Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held

This hand is bitterness

We want to taste it and

Let the hatred numb our sorrows

The Wise hand opens slowly

To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held

If hope if born of suffering

If this is only the beginning

Can we not wait, for one hour

Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held

Roses and Thorns

"I have a thorn in my side
And it hurts sometimes
Reminds me I'm only human
But every tear I cry waters a ground that's dry
And soon the flowers blossom

'Cause roses and thorns grow together
Like a rainbow follows bad weather
Hard times and lonely days will only make me better
'Cause roses and thorns grow together"
- Hillary Weeks

This is just a portion of a song I heard for the first time almost 20 years ago but I've been thinking a lot about it lately.  Perhaps it's because I've been made painfully aware of how incredibly weak I am.  It's at times like these that I try to keep my head up and not get discouraged.  The grace of my Savior is my balm of healing.

The Apostle Paul also had a thorn in his flesh and he prayed over and over to have it removed but to no avail.  Why?  It was this very weakness that kept him in earnest pursuit of a deeper and stronger relationship with His Savior.  He declared, "Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I pray for the power of Christ to rest upon me.  In my weakness, I will be made whole.