"Unarmed"

In my studies this morning, I read Mosiah 20:26 where it says, "And when the Lamanites saw the people of Limhi, that they were without arms [or unarmed], they had compassion on them and were pacified towards them." I thought of this scripture in the Bible "A soft answer turneth away wrath; but greivous words stir up anger."- Proverbs 15:1

I have to ask myself, "How am I doing with my communication in my family?"  What does it look and sound like to be the kind of person whose knee-jerk reaction is to speak "unarmed"?

As I ask myself this question, I think, "Well, there are just those 'certain people' who are more difficult to communicate with than others.  They are the ones who to me seem to always be 'armed' at everyone else, as if no matter what anyone says or does they are loaded with criticism, ready to shoot insults, scathing remarks, or personal jabs."  How the heck am I supposed to communicate with those people "unarmed"?  How do I "end the conflict" and end it now?  I can't make them lay down their "weapons of war" but I can surrender mine.  Oh man, but this kind of humility for me is SO much easier said than done.

I think of Elder Wirthlin's talk from a few years ago.  It's one of my favorites:

"Each one of us will travel a different road during this life. Each progresses at a different rate. Temptations that trouble your brother may not challenge you at all. Strengths that you possess may seem impossible to another. Never look down on those who are less perfect than you.

We are all children of our Heavenly Father. And we are here with the same purpose: to learn to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

When we are filled with kindness, we are not judgmental. The Savior taught, "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven."  He also taught that "with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." 

"But," you ask, "what if people are rude?"

Love them.

"If they are obnoxious?"

Love them.

"But what if they offend? Surely I must do something then?"

Love them.

"Wayward?"

The answer is the same. Be kind. Love them.

Why? In the scriptures Jude taught, "And of some have compassion, making a difference." 

Who can tell what far-reaching impact we can have if we are only kind?

My brothers and sisters, the gospel of Jesus Christ transcends mortality. Our work here is but a shadow of greater and unimaginable things to come...

...As our Heavenly Father loves us, we also should love His children.

May we be models of kindness. May we ever live up to the words of the Savior: "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." Of these truths I bear witness in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen." 

- By Joseph B. Wirthlin, given April 2005

 I have so much to learn.  I'm grateful for another day to practice this kind of communication, this type of love, this kindness.  One of these days I'll get it down to an art.... practice, practice, practice!  I'm so thankful for a loving and patient Father in Heaven who gives me new opportunities to learn to be and do a little better than the day before.

-Alicia

Self-Esteem vrs Christ-Esteem

Have you ever been around a person who struggles to rejoice in the successes of others, a person wherewith they often envy instead of encourage, resent instead of regard?  They feed themselves with the falsehood that when they praise or build another, their worth somehow diminishes in the process.  The irony of this malady is that in most cases their lack of esteem for others is more a reflection of an unhealthy esteem for themselves.  Whether this unhealthy esteem stems from lack of confidence or overconfidence, it doesn't really matter, they both create a vacuum.  Either extreme, conceit or cowardliness, both are self-centered and both come from the "fear of man".  And where there is fear there can be no real love because "perfect love casteth out all fear".

During a particular exciting moment in my life, a time when I had achieved a goal I never thought I could attain, a close friend of mine confessed to me, "I want to be happy for you Alicia but I'm sorry, I can't... I just can't. I hope you understand."  This friend of mine struggles with depression and I understood.  "It's alright", I answered.  "I know you want to be happy for me.  I'm sure it's depression speaking."  It must be hard for a person to rejoice in the accomplishments of others when they don't feel accomplished themselves or to believe in others when they don't believe in themselves.

Even so, it was still painful to hear and the temptation to grow bitter stung my heart.  I had supported my friend tirelessly though countless numbers of their goals and achievements.  I praised and cheered for them all along their way and yet at that moment, I felt absolutely no support in return.

I suppose I could have responded back that I "deserve" better.  But I have learned that when I get caught up in all that "I deserve" I too become trapped in the vacuum of self.  In truth, I don't "deserve" anything!  I came into this world with absolutely nothing, so the smallest things are blessings, even the tiniest bits of encouragement.

Gratefully, I don't suffer with clinical depression.  Of course, I've had "down days" but the concept of feeling no hope or a numbness to Divine love is completely foreign to me.  So, I cannot judge fairly nor do I understand fully the struggle with apathy my friend endures.  However, the Savior comprehends all things.  He can bless me with the compassion that I seek.

I admit that I am terribly far from perfect.  I don't esteem myself as anyone great or praiseworthy.  In fact, I'm pretty ordinary, if you ask me... but that's the beauty of it.  That's what makes me love my Savior even more, the fact that He loves flawed and ordinary me.
"I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!"

I appreciated the question Elder Ringwood of the Seventy posed this last conference,
"In our pursuit of me and mine, Have we forgotten Thee and Thine?"

I believe what we need more of is Christ-esteem not self-esteem, more Christ-confidence not self-confidence.  You see, the problem with the equation is the focus on "self".  Christ teaches that when we lose ourselves, for His sake, we will find ourselves.  When Christ becomes the center of our focus, then and only then are we released from this implosive vacuum.

"Instead of allowing yourself to be unhappy, just let your love grow as God wants it to grow. Seek goodness in others. Love more persons more -- love them more impersonally, more unselfishly, without thought of return. The return, never fear, will take care of itself."

- Henry Drummond

- Alicia