I'm gonna carpe this diem!

It was a hot summer afternoon and my dad was on the roof trying to fix our swamp cooler.  For a brief moment, he ran into the house to grab some tools.  I was two years old and felt quite confident in my walking abilities.  My dad was gone. I saw the ladder leaning against our house and wanted to try something new.  I wanted to climb. The ladder was so high! That would be a new adventure my little feet had never experienced.  Upon his return, I was nowhere to be found!  Frantically, he searched everywhere for me, shouting my name. "Alicia! Alicia!"  After several worrisome minutes, that seemed like hours, he heard my voice above him, cheerfully waving, "Hi daddy!"  There I was, sitting triumphantly on the roof of our house, proudly leaning over the rain gutter to show him what I had accomplished.

A year later, my parents took me swimming at the local high school.  My little 3 ½ year-old body could not contain the excitement when I saw the deep blue water in front of me.  I ran from the grasp of my mother's hand and jumped in, plunging several feet above my head.  I didn't know how to swim.  My mom rescued me.  Between the sounds of my coughing and gasping, I could hear her scolding, "Don't you ever jump in like that again! You don't even know how to swim!" Needless to say, I didn't listen to her and I think she had to "rescue" me a few more times that day.

I remember my parents would often say:
"Alicia, you always bite off more than you can chew."
"Alicia, you can't see the forest for the trees."
"Your eyes are bigger than your stomach, Alicia."

Of course, as an adult, I like to think that the spunk I had as a child wasn't all just short-sided naivete or utter insanity... that maybe... just maybe there was a small manifestation of courage and faith in there.

I suppose these memories come to mind because of what lies ahead of me this year: My trip to the UN, trying to go back to school when I still have young children, trying to get into one of the hardest and finest universities, submitting my art into a competition were I have 1.5% chance of being chosen, and just getting adjusted with a new awesome group of home-school moms. The list could go on but these are the major things.

I opened up to my husband last Sunday, " What is happening?  I'm either crazy or the Lord is really wanting me to prove my faith."  I feel like I'm 3 ½ again and that irresistible clear blue water is calling out for me to jump in.  But as strong as that call is, I can also hear voices in my mind telling me, "That's way over your head, Alicia!"  "You're insane!" "Who do you think you are and what do you really have to offer?"

I laid on my back, stared up at the ceiling as tears streamed down my face, and my sweet husband listened to me pour my heart out:  "I'm scared, Joseph, I know this is where the Lord wants me to go, but I don't feel like I have what it takes."  I told him about a song that described exactly how I feel. 

Ready or not, I'm going for this. 

"If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts... Face your doubts. Master your fears. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.' Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you... in the process of revelation and in making important decisions, fear almost always plays a destructive, sometimes paralyzing role... Of course our faith will be tested as we fight through these self-doubts and second thoughts. Some days we will be miraculously led out of Egypt—seemingly free, seemingly on our way—only to come to yet another confrontation, like all that water lying before us. At those times we must resist the temptation to panic and to give up... Nobody had ever crossed the Red Sea this way, but so what? There’s always a first time. With the spirit of revelation, dismiss your fears and wade in with both feet." - Jeffrey R. Holland (Cast not away therefore your confidence.)

- Alicia

For What Lies Ahead

I've had a desire to start blogging again for a while now.  I have a couple of old blogs that haven't been updated for sometime.  Feel free to visit them: That Which Heals Me and My Blog For My Kids

As for this blog, this is my place to start fresh.  This year, for me, will be a year of many beginnings and uncharted roads.  I am excited for the journey that lies ahead,  for I know Who guides my path.

- Alicia